Movies without romance

[Stone Cold Jane Austen]

Nor in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

I thought about that one, but poor old Billy gets a bit smitten with that prostitute, doesn't he?

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

Nor in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

There's quite a bit of warmth, kindness, noble sacrifice and humanity in that film, though, which may send yesitis over the edge.

[biggytitbo]

There's not much romance in Von Ryan' Express apart from that woman on the train. Are there even any women in The Great Escape?

[gmoney]

Commando. Unless you count Bennett and Matrix. Which thinking about it, I do.

[Gulftastic]

There's not much romance in Von Ryan' Express apart from that woman on the train. Are there even any women in The Great Escape?

I don't remember any women, but Shuey McPhee is clearly in love with Steve McQueen.

[biggytitbo]

Bit of bromance never hurt anyone. Unless its forcible bromance in a prison setting.

[Harpo Speaks]

No Country for Old Men

Moss and his wife?

jurassic park was quite good for that, one film in which a female and male lead were allowed to care for each other as friends without falling in love amongst the disasterous circumstances.

Although they aren't constantly all over eachother, Grant and Sattler are in a relationship. Though not in the book.

EDIT: I've seen some people suggest otherwise, but it's heavily implied that they are a couple in the film.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Terminator 2. None of that girly romance nonsense, just robots, car chases, guns and explosions (just make sure it's not the director's cut with the romantic dream sequence).

Edit: Although crying at the "thumbs up" bit at the end is a given

[Tiny Poster]

Valhalla Rising.

[garbed_attic]

Most of Jan Svankmajer's shorts, which are a great distraction when blue because they immerse you so aggressively in their peculiar world of crawling meat and cannibalistic dolls. His film 'Alice' which adapts 'Alice in Wonderland' doesn't even have much in the way of human beings.

Some Greenaway works, especially his early avant-garde stuff like 'The Falls'. If you're feeling in the mood for lists and interesting words, it's fascinating, but not everyone's cup of tea. Very unsentimental though, without being particularly bleak or harrowing.

Some Herzog, especially the documentaries... 'Fata Morgana' is just desert and sun-baked people of varying degrees of oddness and visilience. Two bloody Leonard Cohen tracks in a row though so maybe not!!

'Haxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages' is great fun and impressively sinister considering how ancient it is. Not much romance there, except for the occasion lip-smacking shot of fevered heathens kissing the devil's backside.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

American Psycho

[solidified gruel merchant]

It was during a bleak period that I fully realised my love of comedy. Keeping my spirits up became something of an obsession. Alcohol helped too.

[NoSleep]

Yes, alcohol.

[danyulx]

Depends what sorta anti-romantic mood your horrible break-up has flung you into, i.e. how clinical and detached or how bitter and seething.

HEADS: Koyaanisqatsi
TAILS: Salo, or the 120 Days of Sodom

[Famous Mortimer]

Some Greenaway works, especially his early avant-garde stuff like 'The Falls'. If you're feeling in the mood for lists and interesting words, it's fascinating, but not everyone's cup of tea. Very unsentimental though, without being particularly bleak or harrowing.

Absolutely adore "The Falls". But, you definitely need to be in the mood for it.

Also, Cronenberg's very early films (to be found on the blu-ray of "Fast Company"). Thoroughly experimental, nothing as daft as love in either of them, you'll have a grand old time.

[danyulx]

'The Falls' is probably the most demented film ever made. If you can hack that film (the whole three hours+) you can hack anything. Though that and his earlier shorts are certainly as far detached from romance as it gets, I'd say a good deal of his later feature-length 'movies' are definitely "romances".. but his idea of "romance" is so far removed from just about everyone else's on earth that I'd safely offer up his his entire filmography to this thread, even his so-called "romantic comedy" '8½ Women'. In fact, especially that.

Watching his films I conclude Peter Greenaway views humanity as a kind of swamp life.

[dr beat]

I'd have to question Threads, as much as I love it.  Surely the relationship between Reece Dinsdale and his missus is central to the plot? The everyday lives and loves of the 'little people' powerless in the face of geopolitical tension?

[alan nagsworth]

How about Ichii, Gozu

Naw, both films focus heavily on the platonic love of one gang member for another. Gozu is a bit more subtle but in the case of Ichi, Kakihara's feelings for his boss are borderline obsessive. There's also a fair whack of sex scenes in both.

[danyulx]

Almost all pornography.

[biggytitbo]

I'd have to question Threads, as much as I love it.  Surely the relationship between Reece Dinsdale and his missus is central to the plot? The everyday lives and loves of the 'little people' powerless in the face of geopolitical tension?

Don't forget the pissing woman. I bet she had a lot of romance in her life, albeit it's only a subtly implied subtext.

[I accept the terms of the]

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

No, Judith.

Is Monty's love for Marwood in Withnail and I far enough removed from your situation to be bearable? That film is a great cheerer-upper, with no distractions like sex and real-world matters in it.

[danyulx]

...or is Marwood telling the truth when he avows his love of Withnail to Uncle Monty?

That's one interesting theory I've read or heard I don't buy.

I'm not sure I'd go far as to call 'Withnail & I' a "cheerer-upper"! Steady on mate. It's actually one of the saddest films I've ever seen, in ways. The ending in particular.. devastating.

[Old Nehamkin]

No, Judith.

That's life of brian.

[kidsick5000]

North Sea Hijack aka Ffolkes
Roger Moore as a mysoginist loner commando expert brought in when an oil rig is taken by Anthony
Perkins' terrorists.
Not one bit of romance, not even with the female lead who poses as a boy.

[Buelligan]

My Wrongs #8245-8249 & 117. 

[Dead kate moss]

Mrs DKM says The Exorcist. Sure she sort of fucks Jesus, but I don't think it counts.

Lots of horror surely - is there any romance in the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

Mrs DKM also says she reckons there is no romantic subplot in the Spice Girls Movie, but she could be wrong. Likewise The Monkees' Head (I added).

Was going to say The Jungle Book, but I think lil Mowgli sees a cute girl at the end? Does Dumbo count as romantic in any way? It has loss and friendship, not sure if you want to avoid all those elements...

Mrs DKM also says Japanimation king Miyazaki's Grave Of the Fireflies was voted one of the most bleak and depressing movies ever made, about two abandoned children slowly dying - I think you might be onto a winner with that one.

[Jerzy Bondov]

Was going to say The Jungle Book, but I think lil Mowgli sees a cute girl at the end?

At which Baloo offers the sage advice 'Forget about those, they ain't nothin' but trouble.' Wise words, but Mowgli chooses to ignore them for some reason. Turns down fun jungle adventures with a groovy bear at the first whiff of snatch.

[Dead kate moss]

What I want are films where no character speaks to or looks at another character in any way that could be construed as loving or caring, films that take place in a world where love, friendship and sex just do not exist. I'm particularly interested in any comedies that could fit this description.

Sorry, just realised this rules out half of my suggestions.

That one with Nick Cave in prison? That was bleak as I recall.

Is there any real love or compassion in Taxi Driver? He's just mental, and nobody is that nice in it really.

Network?

Most Cronenburg stuff in general?

Mrs DKM recommends Triumph Of The Will, and apologizes for her very existence reminding you of relationships.

Comedies is a hard one - totally bleak, full of cunts, no shred of genuine warmth or humanity... Sex And The City? Haha that was a joke. There was a Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie right? I don't think I saw it but it's probably funny without any touchy-feeliness.

Or watch any rom-com backwards.

[SavageHedgehog]

Mrs DKM also says she reckons there is no romantic subplot in the Spice Girls Movie, but she could be wrong.

There's something between Richard E. Grant's character and their PA isn't there?

Master and Commander generated a few column inches for not having any women in the cast. Or maybe it was only having one woman that was an extra in one shot, visible from 10 feet away or something, I forget. But I guess that might qualify.

At least 1/2 of the Rambo films have no romantic subplot.

[Dead kate moss]

At which Baloo offers the sage advice 'Forget about those, they ain't nothin' but trouble.' Wise words, but Mowgli chooses to ignore them for some reason. Turns down fun jungle adventures with a groovy bear at the first whiff of snatch.

Someone should write a prequel focusing on Baloo's back-story. I see it as a noirish tale of heartbreak and betrayal. In the jungle with bears.