Adaptations and the Directors you'd choose for 'em

[garbed_attic]

I'm sure there's an adapations thread somewhere, but more specifically... who'd you want to direct and star in these things. Oh and since no Hollywood producers are going to be reading this thread, don't worry if your director and stars are always dead, past their prime or jumped the shark.

The Third Policeman - Shane Meadows

This might seem like an unorthodox choice, seeing as someone like Lynch might be better suited to grapple with the off-kilter descriptions of interiors that don't match up with their exteriors and the jumbly narrative that makes a kind of intuitive sense. That said, I think an adaptation of The Third Policeman would have to feel really grounded - pubs, police station, country roads - these things must feel hard and real and local. Meadows could get all that, but also deal with the daft humour and the horror of it, since tonal shifts between the two tend to characterise his films. Obviously then if Meadows is on board, we can use Constantine as the unnamed protagonist and I can't think of anyone I'd rather have playing a hapless Irish murderer. If you add a greater degree of wretchedness to his 'My Wrongs' character you wouldn't be far off the mark. You'd need large, avuncular but threatening, older actors for the policeman... John Goodman seems like the obvious choice for one and maybe Robbie Coltrane for the other. As for the third policeman himself, you can probably just cast by face!

A Dog's Heart - Guy Maddin

I haven't actually read 'The Master and the Margarita' so I'll have to go for the only Bulgakov I have, which would suit Maddin down to the ground. It's the story of a rogue's heart implanted into a dead dog and the amarous misadventures that arise from this. Maddin's hyper-kinetic yet sleepy 1920s avant-garde cribbing style would fit the material perfectly. He'd probably have to crowbar in some personal rememberances or something about his mother, but I think that could be accomodated. Also, like with Meadows and Constantine, having Maddin direct a film, means that you have the wonderful Isabella Rossellini involved, who would perform the hysterical material with gusto!

Life: A User's Manual - Peter Greenaway with Jean-Pierre Jeunet

I haven't read all of 'Life A User's Manual' but I have read some and since it is my ex-partner's favourite novel, much of it has been recounted to me. I think Greenaway and Jeunet working in collaberation would force them to relinquish their more... umm... trying impulses, but their meticulous methods and perfectionism would suit the wonderous pernickitiness of the venture and the attention to methodologies and categorisations. The film would have to be at least 4 hours long, of course.