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Viz Highlights

Started by Theremin, March 04, 2012, 10:08:42 PM

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Necrophagism

I liked the Top Tip that suggested covering your car windscreen in masking tape and using your sat-nav to drive, thereby recreating the experience of a computer game.

The Giggling Bean

I always feel like Christmas starts when the new Viz annual appears in the Works etc. There's just so much to love in the magazine/annuals.

One story that always had me laughing was about a man who had his elbows surgically removed by accident. He then went on a list of things he could no longer do including winding buckets up and down wells, playing the accordian and doing monkey impressions.

Little Ted West had me choking with laughter when I first saw it.

The sex lives of the puppets. One of those confessional tell all stories in which a woman tells how she slept with TVs most famous puppets.

There's probably loads more I'm forgetting. I've got all of the recent annuals and need to plug the gaps in the earlier ones. A little off topic but has anyone read Chris Donalds autobiography, Rude Kids? I picked a copy of it up years back but there's some absolutely fascinating stories in there about how he got pulled in by the police for printing a top tip (suggesting a bomb scare), the arguments with McDonalds and the absolute shit that happened during the making of the Top Tips Vic & Bob video. Well worth reading if you can get hold of it.

Actually I've just remembered I won a £5 book token in my first year of senior school and, much to my dads disapointment (he hated Viz), I bought the Billy The Fish Football Yearbook. My first intro to Viz was the B.T.F animation on C4 that Christmas.

marlybonecroft

Must thank you all for these posts. Been laughing like a window this past half hour.

mr. logic

The letter from the old lady in Australia talking about ringing a wrong number one day trying to get through to her daughter and instead getting through to another English woman. Having apologised, she and the woman got to talking. She now phones her regularly, and says the calls are of great comfort to her.

A few pages down, a letter from a woman complaining about a woman in Australia waking her up in the middle of the night for inane chitchats about her grandchildren. Letter ends: "I wish the old bitch would hurry up and die."

bomb_dog

There was a great competition a few years ago which was a double-page spread of about 150 Viz characters, and you had to name them all.

Think I got about 120-130, and entered anyway after poring over my annuals and issues (about Issues 1-70 covered by annuals, the rest are issues). The main prizes were t-shirts, illustrated with a simple white t-shirt saying 'viz competition winner' or somesuch, implying the real prize would be a bit more special than this.

I must have spotted enough characters, as when it arrived, this is exactly what it said. Both completely brilliant, and unwearable.

SetToStun

They never did send me my Knackersack Pencil. Fuck Viz.

tom83

Another great Davy Jones one was:

'Tony Slattery and his Phoney Cattery'

It opens with Tony, standing in front of what appears to be a fully-functioning cattery, but then, in the next frame, he takes readers round the back to reveal  an empty, two-dimensional structure and tape recordings of 'miaows'

"My cattery is a total sham!", he says. "A hollow facade that is completely without substance"

Uncle TechTip

Top Tips for me, it always astonishes me how much absurd comic imagery can be conjured up from 10 or 20 words. These are all from the well-thumbed book with Alan Clark on the back, but they'll stay with me until I die.

CONVINCE neighbours they've seen a snake by wriggling around on your lawn in a piece of rolled-up carpet with a fork sticking out of your mouth.

CONVINCE neighbours that you have twice as many stairs as them by banging your feet twice on each step.

CONVINCE neighbours that you're a bodybuilder by wearing a vest that's two sizes too small and walking round as if you have a roll of carpet under each arm.

CONVINCE neighbours that you've gone on holiday by spending two weeks in the dark crawling round your house on all-fours.

ANNOY neighbours by buying the same TV set as them and standing in their garden changing channels with your identical remote control.

And the multitude of configurations of this:

FUN-SIZED Mars bars make ideal normal-sized Mars bars for midgets.

I'm always curious what the ratio was between staff-written tips and those submitted by readers, I suspect it was about 90/10 in the early days. You can spot a contributed tip because it's normally some unfunny sarcastic remark about a common situation.

HUGE MULTI-NATIONAL companies. Instead of employing highly paid IT departments, simply buy a consignment of parrots and teach them to say 'turn it off and then on again'.

Meh.

Ignatius_S

One letter that I particularly enjoyed, read something like this: "I'm convinced my neighbour is up to no good. Whenever he sees me watching him with my binoculars, he draws his curtains."

Fanzine Bugs and Drugs once did a Britpop Viz-homage/rip-off/slag-off pull-out. By far the best bit was a strip called Jarvis Cocker's Quest for Knockers, which was subsequently reprinted in Viz.

Quote from: tom83 on March 09, 2012, 10:07:08 AM
...My cattery is a total sham!", he says. "A hollow facade that is completely without substance"

Had read that one – love it!

robprosser

Bert Blunt His Parrots a Cunt - top strip by far.

tom83

one more:

The unsurpassed quiz:

'Shirt, Shop or Weight... What sort of LIFTER are you?'

Basically a load of questions to help readers determine whether they were gay, thieves or bodybuilders.

Custard

Billy Bottom and his Zany Toilet Pranks always has me giggling, just thinking about it

There was one strip where he finally had his dump, but then noticed he had no bog-roll

So he waddles down the local supermarket, with his trousers still round his ankles, with flies round his arse

I don't really know why he tickles me so much, but every strip makes my face ache from laughing. The latest strip involved him sticking a lit firework up his bumhole, to "clear 'em out me cackpipe"

It ends with an outside shot of his house, with him screaming "OW!! JESUS H CHRIST" through the window

lestergunn

Tommy Rix does tricks with bricks - A round-headed character would perform a series of shit tricks with bricks and then give himself a score out of ten.

Always ended with an inclusionary aside, eh readers?!

mycroft

I love Billy Bottom too, and often find myself giggling when the thought of his adventures pops up. My favourite from a while back was him desperately trying to find a place to crap and eventually settling for doing it over the neighbours' garden wall. Unfortunately, he laid his cable on the naked chest of the lady next door, but the husband was fine with it, as they were German and loved that sort of thing. The final panel had Billy perched on the wall with sex noises emanating from behind him, muttering, 'This place is going to the fucking dogs...'

Well done whoever mentioned the Vince's Cable strip as well. Gloriously puerile.

seimaj

I cried laughing at a silly letter. It was something like this

Did anyone just hear that noise?
Yours faithfully, David
ps. there it is again


And I always remember the article about Calendar Girls type thing in some village, which starts off very nice but ends up really dirty:

"It was all done in good spirit" said Bridget, 59, "I'm November, performing fellatio on the local vicar while sperm is being felched from my anus"

etc

Theremin


Custard

Quote from: mycroft on March 12, 2012, 08:17:50 PM
I love Billy Bottom too, and often find myself giggling when the thought of his adventures pops up. My favourite from a while back was him desperately trying to find a place to crap and eventually settling for doing it over the neighbours' garden wall. Unfortunately, he laid his cable on the naked chest of the lady next door, but the husband was fine with it, as they were German and loved that sort of thing. The final panel had Billy perched on the wall with sex noises emanating from behind him, muttering, 'This place is going to the fucking dogs...'

Well done whoever mentioned the Vince's Cable strip as well. Gloriously puerile.

Heh, see I'm laughing away just at the thought of that!

I think part of the reason why I find those strips so funny, is Billy Bottom himself. The way that he comes across as a right miserable old git, and seemingly the only thing in his life that gives him any joy is a big old shite. And anything that gets in the way of that or delays it even slightly angers him greatly, and it becomes the end of the world

Plus of course, things like him waddling down the road to Sainsburys with his unwiped arse out

"Come on luv, I can feel the shit sticking to me bleedin' nipsy"

We've all been there

turnstyle

After flicking through the first annual last night, I'd like to nominate the utterly puerile 'Fox in a box' strip:


DeGrise

I have had the phrase 'fuck it and eat it' engraved on my brain since the first time I saw it.

And, from the same annual, the 'I knew that would happen' cartoon.

Wet Blanket

I like the three paneller from the first annual that goes something like this:

Quote1. CLOWN: Are you the front end of donkey?

2. CLOWN: Then are you the back end of a donkey?

3.CLOWN: Well then you must be no end of an ass!
HARDCASE: FUCK OFF YOU CUNT

I always get ridiculously excited every time I happen upon a Nobby's Piles strip. Here's an extract I found from his most recent adventure where he goes to a TV studio to appear on Embarrassing Bodies to get his piles looked at and he ends up staggering from set to set and getting hurt in more and more ridiculous and outlandish ways;


Harry Badger

I too raise a smile at the thought of Billy Bottom - mostly from what was I think the first frame in the first strip: Billy saying "Christ! I must've ate a tonne today! I'd better go and sit on the john." It was even funnier when I was twelve.

the psyche intangible

One of the many digs at these two dears.


Catalogue Trousers

Tubby Johnson - "He's Fat, And He Doesn't Give A FUCK!"

Love that one. From the first panel of his obscenely grinning, tongue-wagging face leering round a Mount Everest of sausage and mash (which we then learn was but a snack) to the shot of him earning extra dosh by whamming into buildings as a wrecking ball.

ZoyzaSorris


alan nagsworth



The declaration on the application slip is absolutely fucking incredible. I don't often get that much pleasure from the comics these days (except the celebrity parodies which are always wonderful) as I find most of them to be a bit on the tedous side, rehashing/dragging out simple ideas and whatnot, which is great in itself because of the fact that I'm grateful that someone is doing it, but the ads and articles are just so brilliantly absurd and well-observed, they're easily the best thing about Viz for me. I'm going to get hold of the Annus Horribilis book when I get paid tomorrow, I think.

Custard

Anus Horribilis is brilliant

Harry Badger

Have to post this before I forget: 

Spoilt Bastard's mum announces she is pregnant and her son says "At your age, it'll come out looking like Andrew Lloyd Webber".

remedial_gash

One of my best chums had this on his fridge for years, his gf and the mother of his child posts here occasionally (I think).



Gash
x

danyulx

Viz was brilliant, and I hope it still is. I haven't bought an issue in years. I'm glad it's still going.. I should get back into it.

Hands-down Viz's finest moment from the era I used to buy it quite regularly, roughly circa 1998 - 2007, is below. I can count the number of times on one hand I've nearly had a stroke from laughing my ribs off. Reading the below one-off sub-section on the letters page in an issue of Viz was one of those times. Comic gold.. right up there with Alan Patridge's "There's no way you big s*****c, you're a mentalist!" outburst. The tears did roll.