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March 29, 2024, 10:04:35 AM

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Dear Computer...

Started by AsparagusTrevor, March 18, 2012, 04:30:16 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

AsparagusTrevor

Dear Windows

Yes, I do want to terminate the programs that are running, I did press 'Shut Down' after all, which suggests I actually want to close every damn thing.

Yours,
Frustrated.


---


Dear Virus Checker

I have flagged this particular application as 'Not a Threat'. I very much doubt it will become a threat at a later time so there's no need to ask me whether to flag the application as a threat or not every time I go near the fucking thing.

Yours,
Annoyed.


---


Dear Windows

I would like to delete that folder. The fact I have chosen to delete it would suggest I would like whatever the fuck process that is holding the folder to unlock it and get rid of the bastard thing.

Yours,
Mr Fuckedoff.

Puffin Chunks

Dear Windows

I would like to eject my external hard disk and take it with me. Telling me that it is in use and to try again later does not solve my immediate problem. I have no programmes open so stop using it and give it back to me! I need it more than you do.

Yours
Pissed off power user.

Famous Mortimer

Quote from: AsparagusTrevor on March 18, 2012, 04:30:16 AM

Dear Windows

I would like to delete that folder. The fact I have chosen to delete it would suggest I would like whatever the fuck process that is holding the folder to unlock it and get rid of the bastard thing.

Yours,
Mr Fuckedoff.

I wish they'd just tell you which fucking program apparently was apparently using that folder.

AsparagusTrevor

Dear CaB

When using the iPhone skin, I would like to see the spoiler-tagged text, not quote the post.

Also, when using the regular skin on my phone, I don't want to visit Amazon, otherwise I would've visited Amazon.

Yours,
Fred West

madhair60

Dear Computer,

I fucking love you.  You have everything I could ever want on you.  Everything except love; that's on my DS.

Love madhair60

Replies From View

Dear Macbook Pro Operating System,

Safari didn't close down "unexpectedly", to be perfectly honest.  It's perfectly expected given your belligerent allergy to any websites featuring flash.

Yours,
Lostloadsofworkandpissedoff

BlodwynPig

Dear iTunes,

you slow fuck.

yours,
iwantitall iwantitnow

Small Man Big Horse

Dear Rapidshare,

I do appreciate all the good times, and the happiness you've bought me in the past. But 30 kps? Nah, I'm not having that, it's over baby. It's over.

Yours
SMBH
x

Harpo Speaks

Quote from: AsparagusTrevor on March 18, 2012, 11:45:59 AM
Dear CaB

When using the iPhone skin, I would like to see the spoiler-tagged text, not quote the post.

Heh, it's very annoying. You can turn quoting off though at the top of the page.

small_world

What can be done about the page flipping back to the top?
Sometimes the site takes a while to load on my phone,so I'll start off reading the page. If I get half-way down and it finishes loading it pops back to the top... Why?

AsparagusTrevor

Quote from: Harpo Speaks on March 18, 2012, 10:02:19 PM
Heh, it's very annoying. You can turn quoting off though at the top of the page.
Wow, never even noticed that before, thanks. Goodbye major annoyance, Hello spoiler-tags!

MojoJojo

Quote from: Famous Mortimer on March 18, 2012, 06:51:50 AM
I wish they'd just tell you which fucking program apparently was apparently using that folder.

http://www.emptyloop.com/unlocker/ - will tell you the process[nb]often "Explorer.exe" - the cause is a dodgy codec somewhere, which explorer loads up so it can generate a thumbnail image from .avi file, but codecs are often shoddily written and for some reason or other won't release the file lock[/nb] and let you remove the lock. It's free and extremely effective at removing this annoyance.

mook

dear computer,

                      why won't you "talk" to the xbox? is it because i only watch lesbian porn when i'm feeling perky? i'll happily let you stream some cocks if it'll cheer you up.


yours in wonderment


mook ... xx

Quote from: AsparagusTrevor on March 19, 2012, 12:13:33 AM
Goodbye major annoyance

Hello minor annoyance when it doesn't remember your choice and you have to keep setting it.

Famous Mortimer

Quote from: MojoJojo on March 19, 2012, 09:36:02 AM
http://www.emptyloop.com/unlocker/ - will tell you the process[nb]often "Explorer.exe" - the cause is a dodgy codec somewhere, which explorer loads up so it can generate a thumbnail image from .avi file, but codecs are often shoddily written and for some reason or other won't release the file lock[/nb] and let you remove the lock. It's free and extremely effective at removing this annoyance.
This is splendid news, you're a gent. Or whatever a polite but chummy name for a woman is.

mook


SetToStun

Dear Windows,

You are currently residing on my computer. Let me restate that for emphasis: you are residing on my computer. I bought it. It's mine. I own it. I can do what I like with it, up to and including smothering it in butter, roasting it for a couple of hours and then eating the blasted thing. So why, Windows, did you force me - the administrator, the only user, an IT professional for nearly thirty years - to disable account controls just to get anything bloody well done and then - then - fucking whinge at me about it every bastard time I start the poxy machine up? You forced me to do it! Stop moaning about it or I will - and I genuinely mean this - wipe you forever from my laptop and microwave the recovery disk.

Yours aye,

Me.
xxx

Dear Windows,

Why are you so bloody brilliant? It's like people don't know how good they have it. It's alright, people will realise the error of their ways soon when they're forced by their own twattery to use Google's Chrome OS, Mac OS X and all variety of Linux applications - all inferior to you, forever.

Thanks a bunch Windows.

Your Friend,
The Region Legion

Consignia

Darling File Manager,

Give me more disc space, you bastard.

May the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your woman,

Neil

Dark Sky

Quote from: SetToStun on March 19, 2012, 02:57:45 PM
Dear Windows,

You are currently residing on my computer. Let me restate that for emphasis: you are residing on my computer. I bought it. It's mine. I own it. I can do what I like with it, up to and including smothering it in butter, roasting it for a couple of hours and then eating the blasted thing.

Hmm, not sure that's true, is it?  Surely, like most software, you're only licensing to use it from Microsoft and have no actual legal ownership over it?

Zetetic

He's referring to his computer.

Replies From View

Dear Captcha,

Just an idea for you to consider:  if you would like me to type what you're saying, why not try being legible?

Yours Repeatedly,
Replies From View

NoSleep

The reason it's all wobbly and barely legible is because bots can read legible type. I once had an app that could convert printed pages I had scanned into text files. And that was over 20 years ago.

Zetetic

Which does all rather indicate that captchas that rely on bots not being able to replicate letter-recognition (to the standard of the moderately incompetent human) are probably flawed in approach.

NoSleep

A friend of mine stumps bots by passwording his sites with difficult questions like 'What is Robert Johnson's first name?'

MojoJojo

Doesn't scale very well, since a human has to write all the questions.

NoSleep

At least it keeps out Google's bots from scraping away his bandwidth.

Dark Sky


Dear computer...

Thank you Windows 7 and your glorious ability to surf an almost infinite number of porn sites without picking up any bugs using only basic free tools.

Avast Free, Google Chrome (free), Firefox (free), Spybot (the old version, not the fancy arse new one [free]) and CCleaner (free).

I salute you, you smut enabling software.

BlodwynPig