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March 29, 2024, 07:49:45 AM

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Euro 2012

Started by RickyGerbail, March 26, 2012, 11:51:15 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

George Oscar Bluth II

I look forward to the inevitable racial abuse scandal erupting at the tournament (it's eastern europe, it'll happen) and England complaining, until it's pointed out that they have at the centre of the defence a man who is facing trial for racial abuse.

buntyman

After looking at those midfield choices I think I'm going to have to pick a different team to support in the euros.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Ah don't worry King of Cunts has already taken out a superinjunction preventing people from mentioning the trial, the fact he's a cunt (the FACT he's a cunt), and his name, meaning commentators must refer to him as TURRY, in the manner of a late nineties Konami produced football simulation computer videogame.

Beagle 2

I would have left Rio out based on football. As far as I'm concerned with an on-form Rio Man United would have won the league.

Anyhoo, here's my team for the opening couple of games (after absolutely zero research on our opponents!). Don't look too shabby really...



Industry of the three in central midfield with Parker staying put and the other two more mobile frees up Young and Oxlade Chamberlane to attack down the flanks, or drift inside and leave room for Johnson and Baines to get forward. Defoe's experience up front.

Hank Venture

But Hodgson is such a nice guy!

Tbh it was obvious from miles away, his bizarre decision not to play Agger when managing Liverpool is surely indicative of what kind of football he wants. Then again, West Brom have been alright.

Beagle 2: Love that you actually made the effort of creating a picture of the team rather than just type it in.


Shoulders?-Stomach!

I hope we don't encounter any teams with pacey strikers or superior technical ability. The combined turning circle of Cahill and Terry must be like watching two tortoises mate.

Beagle 2

Stop it you're turning me on.

Hank - slow day at work. Sky have been on actually about snazzing up their graphics a bit.

The Duck Man

Meh, from what I've seen, while both are past their best, Terry's probably had a better season than Ferdinand, and it wouldn't have been much of an issue if Terry wasn't a massive cunt/likely to be jailed. As for the other controversial decisions, I'd have picked Richards instead of Johnson, but there's not much in it. Downing is unlikely to play, and Lennon and Johnson have hardly had stellar seasons. I'd have picked Crouch instead of Carroll, but I'm not sure either would have played much (although without Rooney it's more of an issue, I suppose). I suppose maybe Carrick ahead of someone (definitely Henderson), but given that he barely ever plays for England it's hardly a surprise.

I was just wondering how many are regular starters for their clubs. Without any checking of the stats...

Goalkeepers - Joe Hart, Robert Green, John Ruddy.
Defenders - Leighton Baines, Gary Cahill, Ashley Cole, Glen Johnson, Phil Jones, Joleon Lescott, John Terry.
Midfielders - Gareth Barry, Stewart Downing, Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, James Milner, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Scott Parker, Theo Walcott, Ashley Young.
Strikers - Andy Carroll, Jermain Defoe, Wayne Rooney, Danny Welbeck.
Standby - Jack Butland, Phil Jagielka, Jordan Henderson, Adam Johnson, Daniel Sturridge.
Alternatives - Rio Ferdinand, Micah Richards, Chris Smalling (injured), Kyle Walker (injured), Michael Carrick, Aaron Lennon, Peter Crouch

Quote from: Subtle Mocking on May 16, 2012, 01:26:17 PM
'Hodgson Out' is trending already. What did people expect?
Yeah, although when I looked at it it was mostly "It's ridiculous that #HodgsonOut is trending!" etc.

phes

A few of those you didn't bold do play regularly, just not every single week. IE. they are fit and capable and maybe even in better condition than some of the ones that start week in week out.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Funny the different approaches to the issue of selection- particularly form and fitness. England always seems to go with whoevers scored the most and whoever's been playing regularly. Then we turn up and they're knackered, half-arsed dog shit.

Germany pick players who are successes internationally regardless of how they are used for their clubs. Podolski and Klose scored something like 7 goals combined for Bayern all year before then going on to have an excellent 2010 World Cup. We haven't learnt this.




ziggy starbucks

to be fair to any England manager, picking the squad must be a tortuous event. I imagine a man alone in a neon lit room, garish leather furniture and linoleum flooring glinting in the purple and orange kaleidoscopic light. He is sitting on a sofa and infront of him is a plastic coffee table. On that table is a large bowl full of fresh human turds produced by the insane wretches kept in perpetual darkness and suffering in the FA's dungeon castle. Each turd is a picture of hell, stinking fetid faeces contorted into hideous shapes with the slop of liquid shit oozing down to the base of the bowl to form a pool so foul. From this monstrous bowl, the man is charged with the task of selecting 23 of the most suitable turds for a competition that he knows he cannot win and will be damned to that desperate dungeon himself shortly afterwards, adding his own shit to the pile. Slowly the man selects the 23, carefully examining each one while the faint cries of the damned can be heard from the turds, echoes of pain both past and present. After the man has completed this most terrible of tasks he stands up, pulls his trousers and undergarments down to his ankles and slowly yet surely inserts each of the 23 turds into his own rectum.

Crying and vomiting all the while

all the while

holyzombiejesus

EDIT: I can't follow ^that^.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: ziggy starbucks on May 16, 2012, 02:46:47 PM
to be fair to any England manager, picking the squad must be a tortuous event. I imagine a man alone in a neon lit room, garish leather furniture and linoleum flooring glinting in the purple and orange kaleidoscopic light. He is sitting on a sofa and infront of him is a plastic coffee table. On that table is a large bowl full of fresh human turds produced by the insane wretches kept in perpetual darkness and suffering in the FA's dungeon castle. Each turd is a picture of hell, stinking fetid faeces contorted into hideous shapes with the slop of liquid shit oozing down to the base of the bowl to form a pool so foul. From this monstrous bowl, the man is charged with the task of selecting 23 of the most suitable turds for a competition that he knows he cannot win and will be damned to that desperate dungeon himself shortly afterwards, adding his own shit to the pile. Slowly the man selects the 23, carefully examining each one while the faint cries of the damned can be heard from the turds, echoes of pain both past and present. After the man has completed this most terrible of tasks he stands up, pulls his trousers and undergarments down to his ankles and slowly yet surely inserts each of the 23 turds into his own rectum.

Crying and vomiting all the while

all the while

Beautiful, that deserves more than karma- public praise!

ziggy starbucks

just try and imagine what the turd equivalent of stewart downing would be.....

...may the lord have mercy on our souls...

Slaaaaabs

Quote from: ziggy starbucks on May 16, 2012, 02:58:27 PM
just try and imagine what the turd equivalent of stewart downing would be.....

...may the lord have mercy on our souls...

It would be eating lots of things that should produce immense bowel movements but then just doing a dribbly wet fart.

Crabwalk

Exactly.

Runny, with no end product.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: ziggy starbucks on May 16, 2012, 02:58:27 PM
just try and imagine what the turd equivalent of stewart downing would be.....

...may the lord have mercy on our souls stools...

Fixed.

Utter Shit

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 16, 2012, 01:22:26 PM


For what it's worth- we need a goalscorer that can take one chance and steal a game where we haven't played well (I expect this to be All The Games We Play in this tournament). For this reason I would still pick Michael Owen. He is 'fit' isn't he?

He certainly is. He did this last night.

http://www.101greatgoals.com/gvideos/ridiculous-miss-michael-owen-manchester-united-v-league-of-ireland-xi/

And for this reason I would not pick Michael Owen.

Eis Nein

I hate Terry for all the reasons, but this needs fixing:

Quote from: George Oscar Bluth II on May 16, 2012, 02:12:32 PM
I look forward to the inevitable racial abuse scandal erupting at the tournament (it's eastern europe, it'll happen) and England complaining, until it's pointed out that they have at the centre of the defence a man who is innocent of racial abuse.

Downing's best performance last year was for England. Also, think of the denial offered by dozens of goal kick retrievals by the opposing keepers. First line of defence.

the midnight watch baboon

Shame that Walker is injured. I'm Spurs and would've preferred Carrick to Parker who I think has been off the boil recently, possibly down to injury, which again makes his selection not ideal... well it's gonna be intriguing viewing anyway, looking forward to it whatever our slim chances may be.

biggytitbo

Got to be the most dreary, uninspiring line-up ever, with the most dreary uninspiring manager.


Frank Lampard? John Terry? Gareth Barry?  Fuck off. Nobody noticed turds like these have stunk the place out for the last decade?


And I imagine most of the other teams will be looking at our list of strikers and pissing themselves.




George Oscar Bluth II

How do you know he's innocent Eis Nein?

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: George Oscar Bluth II on May 16, 2012, 07:16:27 PM
How do you know he's innocent Eis Nein?

..until proven guilty, seems to be the tone of the post.

massive bereavement

Hope we get to see Portugal play in their new away kit, you just couldn't have a design like that in the domestic game as the sponsor would ruin it. This is why I love international football. See the full set of home and away strips for the tournament at the link...
http://www.historicalkits.co.uk/international/tournaments/euro-2012/euro-2012-main-page.html


Is the standby list set in stone, or can someone outside of that list come in as a replacement?

Given that Scott Parker is still a doubt for the tournament, and Jordan Henderson is first midfield reserve.

Lord Mandrake

I know how crazy I'm going to sound but I have a feeling ...Nah.

kitsofan34

Would there be any interest from members of this board for some sort of prediction league? Let me know if there is and I'll try and create one, if there's enough interest.

RickyGerbail

I'd put the ox in the attacking midfield role instead of on the wing. when he's been playing in that position, Arsenal beat Milan with
3-0 and they were well on their way to defeating Norwich with 3-1 before wenger moved him into the wing and put back Ramsey into the midfield place (then drawing 3-3). He's a smart player.

Beagle 2

Yeah but with my midfield you can swap them about innit and that's why I have blown my cover as a top international manager.

God I wish I supported Croatia. They always have mean-ass kits.