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"You sunk my Battleship!"

Started by Famous Mortimer, April 17, 2012, 12:38:39 PM

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Famous Mortimer

Holy balls, was this film bad. It had an implausibly large number of non-actors for such a huge-budget film, had Rihanna appearing every 90 seconds like we'd walk out if we didn't constantly see her, and managed to be even stupider than Transformers.

So, anyone else waste seven quid on this?

Blumf

Is it stupid enough to enjoy, or is it boring dumb?

Famous Mortimer

I think it's boring dumb. I mean, I went with three other people and we all laughed our asses off at how rubbish it was, so thinking about it...I mean, don't waste your pennies on it, even if you really love the boardgame.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

What is it with all the non-descript films this year?

BATTLESHIP
LOCKOUT (or is it LOCKDOWN who even cares)
CONTRABAND
SAFE HOUSE

They all seem to be made and marketed on the cheap, it's like we're actually being served straight-to-DVD quality films as if they're blockbusters.

Gulftastic

The tagline on the poster is enough of a warning.

'FROM THE TOY COMPANY THAT BROUGHT YOU TRANSFORMERS'.

BlodwynPig


momatt

Quote from: Gulftastic on April 17, 2012, 05:33:49 PM
The tagline on the poster is enough of a warning.

'FROM THE TOY COMPANY THAT BROUGHT YOU TRANSFORMERS'.

Holy fuck.  I assumed you were taking the piss, but it's true.  So this film is really based on the boardgame?
Absolutely staggering.  Is this arrogance, stupidity or genius?  I really can't decide.
It's like having film studio executives actually laughing/pissing/wanking in your face as you queue up to give them money.

http://www.filmofilia.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/battleship_poster.jpg

madhair60

I assume the re-release of Titanic was to boost ticket sales for this confused sequel?

Blumf

Quote from: momatt on April 18, 2012, 03:19:03 PM
Holy fuck.  I assumed you were taking the piss, but it's true.  So this film is really based on the boardgame?

Recognise these pegsbombs?


El Unicornio, mang

I'm looking forward to the high-octane action movie Buckaroo starring Vin Diesel and the woman from Black Eyed Peas.

madhair60

"These hippos... they're hungry."

El Unicornio, mang

"These Pursuits aren't Trivial.....they're DEADLY!"

madhair60

"Wait... something's coming down those ladders."  *Hissing sound*  "My GOD..."

SavageHedgehog

Quote from: Famous Mortimer on April 17, 2012, 12:45:21 PM
I think it's boring dumb. I mean, I went with three other people and we all laughed our asses off at how rubbish it was, so thinking about it...I mean, don't waste your pennies on it, even if you really love the boardgame.

I have to say I laughed enough that I didn't feel like I'd wasted my time or money per say. The big reveal of what the final battle was going to be was particularly hilarious. I mean, I wouldn't want to encourage it but it was certainly a more enjoyable evening out than something slightly more tasteful but far duller like Safe House.

It's a bit of a shame that Peter Berg, who has never made a really good movie but always seemed to make somewhat ambitious or interesting ones, just settles for being an imitation of Roland Emmerich trying to catch up to Michael Bay here.

BlodwynPig

"The Hog Returns in....Backgammon"

mind you there are quite a few films/musicals based on board games

Cluedo
Chess
Mousetrap
Operation!

momatt

#15
Quote from: Blumf on April 18, 2012, 03:42:58 PM
Recognise these pegsbombs?

Blimey.  I'm wondering how this film ever got made.

MONOPOLY: This time the money is real

EDIT: silly me, there are already two films called this.  Probably not based on the board game though.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0806124/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1946330/

Jerzy Bondov

Monopoly is a real one. Ridley Scott was attached for a while.

I'm looking forward to Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, a film based on a ride based on a film based on The Wind in the Willows.

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? The Official Board Game: The Movie: Official Board Game

El Unicornio, mang

I'd quite like to see a movie based on Ghost Castle. I mean, it's just going to be a bunch of kids entering a haunted house but it would get my nostalgia juices flowing.

Blumf

A three hour epic based on the nought and crosses game played at the end credit sequence of Terrahawks.

Jerzy Bondov

Street Fighter: The Movie: The Game: The Board Game: The Movie 2: Rise of the Street Fighters

momatt

That's THREE monolopoly films then.  The world has gone mad.

Quote from: El Unicornio, mang on April 19, 2012, 04:05:27 PM
I'd quite like to see a movie based on Ghost Castle.

I was going to say this!  It would be fantastic, as long as it wasn't like Scooby Doo.
A genuinely exciting board game.  Not like Battleships, which is a bit rubbish.

Jerzy Bondov

Jumanji: The Board Game: The Movie

Ignatius_S

Quote from: madhair60 on April 18, 2012, 04:04:56 PM
"These hippos... they're hungry."

"It's worse than that... they're hungry, hungry hippos."

Quote from: momatt on April 19, 2012, 04:17:50 PM
That's THREE monolopoly films then.  The world has gone mad....

No, it just wants the full set.

Mister Six

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 17, 2012, 12:52:53 PMThey all seem to be made and marketed on the cheap, it's like we're actually being served straight-to-DVD quality films as if they're blockbusters.

Except that Battleship cost $200,000,000 to make. Two hundred million dollars! Jesus Christ almighty.

Hank Venture

So let's not contribute! I'd wish for nothing more than this film being a colossal flop.

Famous Mortimer

I agree. I just had this idea that with aliens in it, it might be an OTT load of fun. Sadly, it was not.

BlodwynPig

It doesn't matter if its a flop, hollywood (lower case intentional) will continue to churn out meaningless crap - like McDonalds will churn out their burgers and Obama his rhetoric.

Hank Venture

I want it to flop regardless. I want it to flop like a slightly overweight mans penis 2 seconds post-ejaculation, wildly and spectacularly.

McQ

Quote from: Gulftastic on April 17, 2012, 05:33:49 PM
The tagline on the poster is enough of a warning.

'FROM THE TOY COMPANY THAT BROUGHT YOU TRANSFORMERS'.

Yes! I tackled this issue on Twitter, thusly:

And with the words, "From Hasbro, the company that brought you Transformers," Hollywood drew its last breath.

We'll just have to wait and see how that stinging indictment effects their box office takings.

McQ

Also, I was never out of the cinema last year, and I must have seen the trailer for this at least twenty times. Looks utterly irredeemable!