2012 - The Year Of B-Movies At The Cinema?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

What is it with all the non-descript films this year?

BATTLESHIP
LOCKOUT (or is it LOCKDOWN who even cares)
CONTRABAND
SAFE HOUSE

They all seem to be made and marketed on the cheap, it's like we're actually being served straight-to-DVD quality films as if they're blockbusters.

And a whole load of others that were so bland they have literally been wiped clean from my memory banks. All with white embossed capital letters with the vague promise of excitement called things such as EXPLOSION, and FUCKUP.

As far as I can make out these are all awful, but in a sort of bland forgettable way. The way trailers are these days, either giving way too much away or simply not outlining the story even slightly, there's nothing to attract interest in these things. I'm surprised the executives seem to have greenlighted all these schlocky 2nd rate action/thrillers with crap casts and no particular hooks.

I hope I'm not being snobbish. I quite like loud formulaic boisterous action films actually. I even like some of the actors that are in these films, sometimes. But what the fuck's going on this year? There's so little in the mainstream of actual interest. You can't even point to these being outwardly obviously shit, they're just unnecessary superfluous non-descript wastes of time.

It would be better if actual B-Movies made it to the cinema as so many have inherent entertainment value somewhere in their scripts, acting, visual effects.

BAAAHH

[Blumf]

At least they're not sequels/remakes/reboots. The last few years have been terrible for that.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Yes but in 2014...


LOCKOUT 2: OH FUCK ME IM LOCKED BASTARD OUT AGAIN
BATTLESHIP 2: THIS TIME IT'S ARSENAL
CONTRABAND II: WE FOUND MORE GEAR
SAFE HOUSE: THE LAST HOUSE WASNT SAFE ACTUALLY SORRY

[Hank Venture]

I'm waiting for a Mark cunt Wahlberg action flick called SHIT. It'll be immense.

No, it won't. Safe House was a turd and I wish he'd perish from the earth, for being the big bulging bell he is.

[SavageHedgehog]

I personally think Lockout looks like a lot of fun, and looks like a proper B-Movie along the lines of Fortress or something.

I saw The Cold Light of Day yesterday. 20 Years ago it would have been one of those bargin bin films starring Jeff Speakman or Thomas Ian Griffith or somebody, and a great slightly struggling character actor like Lance Henriksen or William Forsythe would have played his dad. Maybe Donald Sutherland or Malcom McDowell if they caught them on a day when they didn't happen to be filming something else. In 2012 it stars the new Superman, with Bruce Willis and Sigourney Weaver in tow. Go figure.

[confettiinmyhair]

Sorry to hijack this thread somewhat but this talk of B-movies reminded me of the Poundland DVD Club that I'm starting. If anyone wants to join then drop me a PM and I'll give you more details.

[VegaLA]

SAFE HOUSE: THE LAST HOUSE WASNT SAFE ACTUALLY SORRY

No. Its SAFE HOUSE 2: SAFER

Relax guys, the Daddy of all B movies is going into production this year, if not already, 'MACHETE 2: MACHETE KILLS'.

[Beagle 2]

A film called "Titanic 2" was on the other night on Syfy. There were a lot of quite average but tarty women on that ship, and this was the captain.



I didn't watch it to the end, but I can hazard a guess as to what happened

Edit: Actually, it sounds a lot fucking better than the original:

On April 14, 2012, 100 years after the sinking of the RMS Titanic, a new, similar-looking luxury cruise liner named the SS Titanic II is christened. It then embarks on her maiden voyage using the same route the Titanic took 100 years before in reverse direction (from New York City, USA to Southampton, England). but while the Titanic II is sailing, this huge storm - the soul of Jack Dawson - comes back. Once he finds out that Rose has marrried another man he has made it his mission to find Rose and bring her back her to where the Titanic sunk. He will try his best to bring Rose down to the water and drown her and soon they will never be seperated. During the Atlantic crossing, the effects of global warming cause the Helheim glacier in Greenland to collapse, creating an 800 mph tsunami that sends an iceberg crashing into the Titanic II, while the passengers are partying on the dining saloon. The entire starboard side of the ship and the starboard lifeboat ramps are crushed and immense pressure is put on the liner's turbines. As people struggle to escape the rising waters and run for the submarine-shaped lifeboats on the port side, the turbines eventually explode, killing many people, including ship captain Will Howard. The explosion also caused an immense fire inside the sinking vessel, which is listing to its starboard side.

Minutes later, another tsunami, this one more powerful and faster than the speed of sound, caused by a second collapse of the Helheim glacier hits the liner, flipping it upside-down and drowning the people still on board and killing all the passengers in the lifeboats. With most of the ship flooded, the Titanic II finally sinks.

[Mini]

That sounds brilliant! But what idiot would board a ship called Titanic II? Looks like the ship isn't the only thing that's full of holes. (I'm referring to the plot.)

[Small Man Big Horse]

But what the fuck's going on this year? There's so little in the mainstream of actual interest. You can't even point to these being outwardly obviously shit, they're just unnecessary superfluous non-descript wastes of time.

Well we've got Avengers Assemble!, Prometheus and The Dark Knight, they're the films a lot of people seem to be excited about right now. But there's also The New Bond, The Hobbit and the Spiderman reboot to come as well.

[The Duck Man]

That sounds brilliant! But what idiot would board a ship called Titanic II?

No less stupid than in Danny Boyle's Sunshine, where they call not one, but two ships, "Icarus" when they're on a mission to the sun.

[spock rogers]

At least they're not sequels/remakes/reboots. The last few years have been terrible for that.

Most of those films are remakes/reboots in everything but name though. Battleship is Transformers-on-Sea, Safe House sounds like that Bruce Willis film 15 Blocks, and Lockout is Escape From New York... SPACE NEW YORK!

[Phil_A]

I've just seen Lockout. It was actually pretty good!

The concept is so silly just thinking about makes me giggle - Guy Pearce is a condemned criminal who has to rescue the President's daughter who is being held hostage in a prison IN SPACE - but despite this it wasn't terrible. Mainly because Pearce is so good in this type of sarcastic tough guy role that he actually lifts the whole thing above mediocrity.

There were some laughable bits, such as the opening bike chase rendered in glorious Xbox-360 quality, and the fact that the prison's designers

Spoiler alert

somehow neglected to include safeguards to stop, say, all the prisoners being released at once.

[close]

Also, perhaps a sequel will explain Maggie Grace's mysterious powers of teleportation.

Spoiler alert

Okay, she gets in the escape pod, the pod launches, but somehow she's not in the pod but still on the ship, despite there being no intervening point when she could've got out. Huh.

[close]

[Mini]

Yeah I enjoyed Lockout, in a trashy B-Movie action kind of way.

Spoiler alert

The scene in which Guy Pearce punches Maggie Grace inn the face made me laugh, because it's meant to make her look like a man so she's disguised, but it just gives her a tiny cut on her lip and she still looks like Maggie Grace, so he's punched her for no reason. No one else laughed.

[close]

[Jake Thingray]

David Cameron, in his speech a while back that Robert Redford criticised earlier this week, claimed British films should be more commercial. There's just been a cinema release (not for long, I'll bet) for a film whose producer is silly prat Jonathan Sothcott, an unreconstructed Tory supporter who likes moaning about dreary dramas in Hampstead that nobody goes to see, so this may well suit Cameron's aim -- however, it's Strippers vs. Werewolves.

[Famous Mortimer]

I've just seen Lockout. It was actually pretty good!

I mean, it ripped along at a fair old pace and was never boring, but it was incredibly stupid, so stupid that it spoiled my enjoyment a bit. It was such a huge ripoff of "Escape From New York" (with bits of Star Wars and a bunch of others thrown in), and everyone other than Guy Pearce was so rubbish...and if Pearce's dialogue was supposed to be parodic in some way, it didn't work because nothing else in the film was.