The Whores' Bedtime

[Jemble Fred]

Arse patched up and Art Garfunkle dead, there was nothing left to do but stand back as the still desperately dull Herjammergliffponk started spinning violently, and within half a month the path lay open to the Land Of Perhaps Next Tuesday, where Trevor and his friends would finally face He Who Must Not Be Featured In A Channel 5 Documentary.

"Are you coming, Bernard? We could do with your strength."

"Well, I'd love to, Trevor, but unfortunately I died in 1993."

"What a shame."

"It is, actually."


*******

[Cerys]

Trevor gasped in disbelief.  Then he gasped again, but this time in excitement.
"Stop gasping," Bernard suggested.  "It doesn't make for good copy."
"I'm sorry," Trevor exhaled moistly.  "It's just that finally, after all those years of waiting, wishing, wondering, and many other activities beginning with 'w', I finally have a use for my  Zom-U-Like 2000 (patent pending, all enquiries to the above address)!"
"What," expostulated Bernard, "The device that - "
"Um," interrupted Trevor, "what does that word mean?"
"Which word?  'Expostulated'?"
"That's the one."
"I'm not entirely sure," Bernard admitted.  "It just makes me sound clever."
"Ah.  Oh.  Um," riposted Trevor, trying for a similar effect and failing.  "Bah."
"So," Bernard nudged him, "are we going to explain to the readers that the Zom-U-Like 2000 (patent pending, all enquiries to the above address) is, in fact, an ingenious device for re-animating the dead?"
"Nah," Trevor told him.  "I suspect they've already guessed as much."

[poison popcorn]

"and stop chewing my elbows!" added trevor.
"nnnnnnhhhgg..." droolled bernard.
"are you expostulating again?" trevor demanded, wiping his elbows.
"nngghhhh, dunno, still haven't figured out what it means. i just nnnghh, want to... eat...nggg... flesh..."
"here, chomp on this" suggested hermangy, producing nortons prosthetic appendage from her leg carpet and plunging it between his increasingly slack jaws.
"right, let's get looking for that flammerjimplonk? was that it...?"
"dunno, it's a while since anyone mentioned it, and i can't be arsed to look it up."
"fair do's, i'm sure we'll know it when we sees it anyways."
"less of the esses too if you don't mind." insisted hermangy who was a stickler for grammar or punctuation or sumfin.
"nggg... braaaains..." suggested trevor.
"get on with it..." implored the audience.
"next." said the current narrator...