StoryTime

[butnut]

OK - inspired by Mr Flunchy's sentence over here, let's write a story.

RULES - Only 1 sentence per post. Continue the story as you see fit. Any confusion or simultaneous posts, then I shall judge.

It begins with...

I stumbled into the sex den of a 1930s Colonel.



I changed the tense so it wasn't one of those weird present tense stories.

[Purple Tentacle]

He looked up from the fresh arse he was devouring, and beckoned me over with a grimy finger.

[Mr Flunchy]

I shuddered as I saw the vaseline dripping from its bony joints.

[smoker]

He looked up from the fresh arse he was devouring, and beckoned me over with a grimy finger.

i reholstered my piece and stepped towards him out of the shadows

[butnut]

As I walked towards him I noticed many depraved and broken bodies lying around in the dark corners of the room.

[Pinball]

But it was what also came out of the shadows that caught my attention...

[Purple Tentacle]

"Where's my tour guide?" I wondered, anxiously.

[twatloops]

Despite using this branch of Dixons before, it all seemed so different now.

[hoverdonkey]

And I only came in for some batteries for my birthday present...

[Vermschneid Mehearties]

and yet the staff were obnoxious cunts that smelt like cardboard.

[terrorist]

My companion gave me a look of utter disgust and threw up on my shoes, "but he does make exceedingly good cakes", I said.

[dan dirty ape]

Suddenly the in-store CD, playing a Pan Pipe version of 'Doop' by Doop, ceased its infernal tootling, and an eerie silence descended.

[butnut]

"Hello, young man" said the Colonel, "I see that you approve of our new in-store design"

[twatloops]

It crackled to life again with a sound like a jockeys cough and everyone froze as the announcement was made...

[dan dirty ape]

'HALF PRICE I-PODS NOW AVAILABLE..JUST THROUGH THAT PORTAL TO HELL OVER THERE'  the tannoy croaked.

[hoverdonkey]

Tentatively, I stepped into the portal, taking one last look at the world behind me....

[Purple Tentacle]

.....and saw the Colonal's face, bearing down on me.

[dan dirty ape]

With a gut wrenching tumble myself and the Colonel fell into the portal, which slammed shut with a squelch, just after I heard the tannoy announcement 'I LIED ABOUT THE FREE I-PODS'

[twatloops]

..with his secret blend of herbs and spices...


(edit- doh)

[butnut]

The story so far:

I stumbled into the sex den of a 1930s Colonel.  He looked up from the fresh arse he was devouring, and beckoned me over with a grimy finger. I shuddered as I saw the vaseline dripping from its bony joints. I reholstered my piece and stepped towards him out of the shadows. As I walked towards him I noticed many depraved and broken bodies lying around in the dark corners of the room. But it was what also came out of the shadows that caught my attention..
"Where's my tour guide?" I wondered, anxiously. Despite using this branch of Dixons before, it all seemed so different now. And I only came in for some batteries for my birthday present...and yet the staff were obnoxious cunts that smelt like cardboard. My companion gave me a look of utter disgust and threw up on my shoes, "but he does make exceedingly good cakes", I said.
Suddenly the in-store CD, playing a Pan Pipe version of 'Doop' by Doop, ceased its infernal tootling, and an eerie silence descended. "Hello, young man" said the Colonel, "I see that you approve of our new in-store design". It crackled to life again with a sound like a jockeys cough and everyone froze as the announcement was made...
'HALF PRICE I-PODS NOW AVAILABLE..JUST THROUGH THAT PORTAL TO HELL OVER THERE'  the tannoy croaked. Tentatively, I stepped into the portal, taking one last look at the world behind me...and saw the Colonal's face, bearing down on me..with his secret blend of herbs and spices...With a gut wrenching tumble myself and the Colonel fell into the portal, which slammed shut with a squelch, just after I heard the tannoy announcement 'I LIED ABOUT THE FREE I-PODS'.

Having passed through the portal, I could see nothing until a voice boomed "I am the Lord High Coffee Pot".


Do you like the way I got twatloops last thing to make a bit of sense?

[Vermschneid Mehearties]

"Arses" I exclaimed backwards, as the darkness ended, and my eyes were treated to a gargantuous visual feast, as a vast candle-lit cavern was introduced into my sensory arena.

[twatloops]

I had fallen through the wall into Halfords, next door.

[gazzyk1ns]

"I wonder if this distilled water is for use in my battery, or my windscreen washers?" I pondered, frustrated that I could never remember. I gave up and trudged over to the exhausts.

[king mob]

while walking to the exhausts i noticed the Colnel was using a spark plug as a butt plug, i asked him why & waited for his reply.

[twatloops]

"Are you trying to start something?" I asked.

[Mr Flunchy]

He squared up to me, his tight pecs pressing against my own and uttered something that would stay with my until my death; "what if I am sunshine.."

[Tokyo Sexwhale]

"...or what if I am rain?" , he continued.

[twatloops]

The smell of WD40 became overpowering and I began to lose conciousness...

[butnut]

When I came to, there was a terrible pain in my mouth and around my rectum.

[Mr Flunchy]

I surmised that I must have been raped both orally and anally by the colonel, I felt a mixture of disgust and fulfillment, but couldn't decide which was the stronger emotion.