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The best shit films.

Started by monkfromhavana, October 29, 2012, 08:34:29 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Egyptian Feast

Quote from: checkoutgirl on October 30, 2012, 04:18:22 PM
Thanks. Nice job. I might watch this one today. Any excuse to see Gene "Cunt With A Capital C" Simmons having the top half of his body blown to bits. God I hate Gene Simmons with a passion.

You might want to check Runaway out as well. He gets a well-deserved comeuppance in that one too
Spoiler alert
- killed by his own acid-injecting robot spiders!
[close]

checkoutgirl

Quote from: Egyptian Feast on October 30, 2012, 04:27:37 PM
You might want to check Runaway out as well. He gets a well-deserved comeuppance in that one too
Spoiler alert
- killed by his own acid-injecting robot spiders!
[close]

"The film received mixed reviews. It has received a 47% on Rotten Tomatoes."

Count me in.

Blumf

Quote from: monkfromhavana on October 30, 2012, 03:28:30 PM
I salute the mentions of No Escape & Screamers, 2 films i've only seen once, but greatly enjoyed. Didn't "Screamers" have replicant children that are really bombs?

Shhhh! But yeah. Yet another example of PKD shorts being great for the cinema. (I even enjoy Paycheck)

Quote
Weller is trumped in this category of films by Rutger Hauer though. That man has made some absolute shite. Has anyone seen "Salute Of The Jugger"?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Blood_of_Heroes
QuoteThe film is also known by the names The Salute of the Jugger and Salute to the Jugger.  The film has inspired the creation of the sport Jugger.

There was one Hauer film, where everybody was an android in some post-human wasteland. Utterly stupid but I watch it when it turns up. Omega Doom that's the fella.

Blumf

Quote from: Egyptian Feast on October 30, 2012, 04:13:29 PM
*Also the bad guy in the Tom Selleck flick Runaway, which probably qualifies for this thread. He kills people with robotic spiders, for fuck's sake!

Ah yeah, I love that one. The crappy robo-spider things, and a gun that fires homing bullets, great fun.


monkfromhavana

Quote from: Egyptian Feast on October 30, 2012, 04:27:37 PM
You might want to check Runaway out as well. He gets a well-deserved comeuppance in that one too
Spoiler alert
- killed by his own acid-injecting robot spiders!
[close]

If there was a film that highlight the very essence of this thread, it would be "Runaway". Fantastic nonsense that also features one my favourite lines in shit film history. They're sending some remote controlled flying surveillance device into a house, when one of the cops says:

"Can i get a direct feed off your floater"

Never failed to crack me up. Also the bird in is pretty hot (not Kirstie Alley). I think she's married to Richard Marx (the singer, not any relation to Karl). Gene Simmons is pretty good[nb]awful[/nb], and the little robots do conjure up a modicum of terror.

monkfromhavana

Quote from: checkoutgirl on October 30, 2012, 03:39:54 PM
Salute Of The Jugger ? Fuck me!! I actually laughed at that title.

Totally agree abot Rutger Haueoueaur, the crap that man has been in. I have a vague memory of a film he was in where he captured this ransomed guy. He has his hands bound and grenade in the poor fucker's mouth and he is pulling him along by the pin (now lads!). He delivers the guy to the cop bosses or whatever. The bosses say something he doesn't like so he just pulls the grenade pin and slowly walks off, really cool like. Then the grenade explodes and there's just a pair of legs standing there. Can't be bothered looking for the film on Google but it was a classic piece of shit film and I'm almost sure it was Rootger Whorebox.


See also:

Blind Fury: Hauer plays a blind kung-fu expert

A Breed Apart: Hauer plays a mental bird's egg stealer/collector. Also has a full-on sex scene with a man[nb]Kathleen Turner[/nb]

Nighthwaks: Half decent film with him as a terrorist. Also stars Billy Dee Williams, Sly Stallone, and that bloke who used to own the boatyard in Howard's Way.

BlodwynPig


Custard

Some obvious choices maybe, but I absolutely love The Room, and the Nic Cage Wicker Man pisstake. Both gloriously entertaining in their absolute dreadfulness

Gone Fishin' starring Joe Pesci and Danny Glover. Diabolical on every level, but just try to watch it and not smile

checkoutgirl

Quote from: monkfromhavana on October 30, 2012, 04:54:04 PM
Blind Fury: Hauer plays a blind kung-fu expert

I'm almost sure I've seen that one.

Have to mention mid nineties pot boiler Death Machine. It stars Brad Dourif as a deranged scientist/machine maker. He creates a dangerous death machine. Enjoyment ensues. At one point these weird looking robbers are smoking the weirdest looking joints I've ever seen. My 15 year old self thought this film was the absolute bollocks. Age has tempered that opinion, still good though.

Honourable/dishonourable mention to Revolver by that guy who married Madonna. A truly terrible, confused stinker of a film but when I watched it for the first time I was drinking at home and I really enjoyed shouting drunkenly at the screen. Maybe this doesn't work as well on your own (or sober). I dunno.

Custard

Forgot this corker.

Man In The Mirror - The Michael Jackson Story

So terrible your jaw will never shut again

You can watch it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jWAXHU2R2Y

One of the funniest films ever made though, says I

Treguard of Dunshelm

When I first saw Man In The Mirror I thought it was a piss take. Nope, it's just gloriously shit.

finnquark

One Man Force. The greatest film ever made.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNOyoeBsqcM

Spanish Rose. Also known as Point of Impact. "Mmmmmichael Ironside."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnQy05wB7_I

The Gladiator. No not that one! The film about a road-based vigilante!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehGEo7OVFo4


All these trailers are well worth watching. I have them all on DVD if anyone is interested.

Dead kate moss

Most of these titles would work as being about poo though

Brundle-Fly

Quote from: Butchers Blind on October 30, 2012, 12:23:22 PM
Just horrible.  Does it make any more sense seen in the context of the film?

Mind you, Ken Barlow's grandson did deserve a punch on the nose for conning Sophie Webster a couple of years ago. But yes, charmless; he's no Joe Pesci.

garbed_attic

Heaven knows how I found out about the skuzzy genius of Charles E. Cullen, he probably grew overnight in my brain, like some intra-cranial boil. He is the true filmmaker of the South. I really should get round to buying 'KILLER KLOWNS FROM KANSAS ON KRACK'...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVm8ohbVaaM


http://www.cullenstudios.net/Movies.html

Operty1

Space hunter: adventures in the forbidden zone is a brilliant way to waste some time, as is The class of 1999


Operty1

And Tobe Hoopers Lifeforce starring a pre trek moustached Patrick Stewart. That film has everything, space zombie vampires? Yes! And the female baddie spends the whole film walking about in the buff!

biggytitbo

I dunno if this is actually too good to be a shit film, but my nomination stands out amongst most shit films for its incredible audactiy, a true shitty b movie with an a movie budget. The film is 'Lifeforce' by Tobe hooper.

Boiling it down its a film about a nude space vampire with big tits, who sucks the life force out of nearby humans. Its also a film that shifts genres throughout, from an alien rip off, to a vampire film, to zombie, to apocalypse, all the while drenched in exploitation. Basically if you're 14 and you accidenty stumble upon this film on late night telly, pretty much all your dreams have been answered. And praise really does it get much higher than that.

AsparagusTrevor

Also, 'Lifeforce', a space-vampire movie by Tobe Hooper, starring a hot nude woman.

Operty1

The best shit film I've seen would be Lifeforce, by Tobe Hooper. He made it after Poltergeist and it has a naked vampire space zombie woman knocking about causing all Kinds of nonsense.


Talulah, really!

Gotta be Lice Force by Toby Hopper, it's about extra terrestrial vampire nits that invade Hoxton and gave everybody crazy hair styles that allow them to control humanity, stars Jason Statham as ex-SAS man Frank Bloke, the only man who is immune.

checkoutgirl

Right Lifeforce, we get it. On a completely different topic, Lifefor.... ha!!

I watched Universal Soldier a year or two ago and was not expecting much. I was pleasantly surprised. The chemistry between Van Damme and the woman was pretty good, decent action scenes and it's all rounded off with a reasonably nutty performance by Dolphin IronLungren. Which was nice.

monkfromhavana

Just been having the usual 30 minute stare at my DVDs looking for something to watch (there wasn't), so had a rummage at the back of the closet where there are a few VHS tapes. More gold has turned up, sealed by the fact that it has Peter Weller in a starring role.

If you're from the States you'll know it as "Shakedown", but for us British types it's Blue Jean Cop. Peter Weller plays a lawyer specializing in criminal aid, who stumbles upon corruption in the police force, via the drug kingpin, Huggy Bear from Starsky & Hutch. He teams up with his cop mate, played by Sam Elliott and brings those suckas down in a lacklustre fashion that lasts 90 minutes.

Not so bad, not so good, just one of those routine action/drama films they knocked out in the 80's to the general interest of nobody. You watch it waiting for it to explode into action, but it never really does.

It also features Weller excruciatingly air-guitaring to Jimi Hendrix.

checkoutgirl

Quote from: monkfromhavana on November 04, 2012, 10:34:53 PM
If you're from the States you'll know it as "Shakedown", but for us British types it's Blue Jean Cop. Peter Weller plays a lawyer specializing in criminal aid

I've liked Weller for a while now but I love him after watching that weird Youtube rant about people driving in films. He's an intelligent nutter. Watched that film Runaway with Gene Simmons and the mechanical spiders. Not bad. For some reason Simmons reminded me of Richard E Grant, looks wise. Split Second starring Rootgor Whore is tonights viewing, should be a cracker.

SavageHedgehog

Lifeforce is actually really boring.

monkfromhavana

Quote from: checkoutgirl on November 04, 2012, 10:42:52 PM
Split Second starring Rootgor Whore is tonights viewing, should be a cracker.

Trust me, you won't be disappointed. enjoy the snappy dialogue, intelligent plotting, and stunning ending.

Oh hang on, that's "Blade Runner".

You'll love Split Second though, make sure to report back.

Operty1


Blumf

Remo Williams : Stupid thing with 'martial arts' training to dodge bullets and run on water, but it has it's moments. Like some really smart guard dogs, some of the martial arts master's quips and I just find it amusing to see Capt. Janeway in something that isn't Voyager.

SavageHedgehog

His trainer/mentor is a really cool character, even though it's Joel Grey in yellowface. Is that the last time something like that was done in a mainstream film without a hint of irony of self-awareness?

SteveDave

Quote from: monkfromhavana on November 04, 2012, 10:34:53 PM
Just been having the usual 30 minute stare at my DVDs looking for something to watch (there wasn't), so had a rummage at the back of the closet where there are a few VHS tapes. More gold has turned up, sealed by the fact that it has Peter Weller in a starring role.

If you're from the States you'll know it as "Shakedown", but for us British types it's Blue Jean Cop. Peter Weller plays a lawyer specializing in criminal aid, who stumbles upon corruption in the police force, via the drug kingpin, Huggy Bear from Starsky & Hutch. He teams up with his cop mate, played by Sam Elliott and brings those suckas down in a lacklustre fashion that lasts 90 minutes.

Not so bad, not so good, just one of those routine action/drama films they knocked out in the 80's to the general interest of nobody. You watch it waiting for it to explode into action, but it never really does.

It also features Weller excruciatingly air-guitaring to Jimi Hendrix.

And it also has another video cover from my childhood memories...



Peter Weller's middle name is Robocop? What are the chances?