The best shit films.

[kidsick5000]

His trainer/mentor is a really cool character, even though it's Joel Grey in yellowface. Is that the last time something like that was done in a mainstream film without a hint of irony of self-awareness?

Not heard about Cloud Atlas, then?

[monkfromhavana]

And it also has another video cover from my childhood memories...



Peter Weller's middle name is Robocop? What are the chances?

That video cover reminds me of newpapers in the 80's where you could buy films via mail order adverts. They had pictures of all the video boxes, and an order form. They'd be a few of the "Emmanuelle" series on there too.

It's is a great cover though, bit of a shit tagline, but it gets across the general gist of the movie. Certainly one for "up the arse corner" as well.

[Blumf]

£9.99 in 1988 is like 20 quid now. Would you pay 20 pounds for the privileged of owning a copy of Blue Jean Cop?

[monkfromhavana]

£9.99 in 1988 is like 20 quid now. Would you pay 20 pounds for the privileged of owning a copy of Blue Jean Cop?

Can you put a price on quality entertainment?

Peter 'Robocop' Weller, Sam Elliott, Antonio Fargas, the guy who plays the doctor in Scrubs..

20 quids worth of anybody's money.

Another fantastic film would have to beBlue Thunder

You can tell it's quality because it has Malcolm McDowell in it, and we all know he hit his heighest heights as an actor in the mid to late 1980's. Roy Scheider plays a Vietnam vet on the edge[nb]Is there any other kind?[/nb] who cracks a conspiracy in the police force to use a special helicopter to quell disorder.

It also has some gratuitous 1980's tits, some quality helicopter flying shots (no, really), and that actor nobody knows the name of, but always has bit parts as a bad guy.

[Operty1]

If you want some top grade movie shit, look no further than Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man, starring Mickey Rourke and Don Johnson. Set in the near future of 1996 (it was made in 1991) it's supposed to be a kind of update of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, it's a heist gone bad movie.

From Imdb: 'Mickey Rourke has said numerous times in interviews that he signed on to this film purely for monetary reasons, and this is part of what fueled his descent into self-loathing in the mid 90s'

Everybody's name seems to be product based (Virginia Slim, Jack Daniels, Ol Grandad etc)

The dialogue alone is worth the price of admission, it's endlessly quotable:

'It's best to be dead and cool, than alive and uncool'

'Squeeze the trigger, don't yank it, it's not your dick'

'I can take care of the bike, but I can't take care of the bitch'

[SavageHedgehog]

Not heard about Cloud Atlas, then?

Not that bit, but I was already looking forward to it so that's the icing on the cake!

[Spiteface]

[Blumf]

Hey! No Asylum films, that's cheating.

[checkoutgirl]

So that's Split Second watched. Nice little B movie with ridiculous dialogue at times, a sample-

Cop 1 - "They say he's the best"
Cop 2 - "He is the best"

Dialogue like that tends to make me smile so no problem there. It's set in London 2008 in a kind of polluted dystopia, well that's what the screed at the start says but the pollution seems to have hardly any effect other than having to occasionally stand in six inches of water. Cop thriller cliches abound including wearing a leather jacket and smoking a cigar, wearing sunglasses at night, filthy shithole apartment with hardly any food in the fridge, argument with cop boss where he's told "You fuck this up and I'll send you to some hell hole", big fuck off gun, annoying weedy sidekick etc. The film starts off as a standard cop thriller and turns into Predator 2 in the final third. The song "Knights In White Satin" keeps popping up for some reason, must be getting their money's worth. A decent B movie bit of schlock with some Kim Cattrall boobage thrown in and that's got to be a bonus. Worth a look then.

I have Wanted Dead Or Alive or Blue Thunder lined up for tonight, I wonder which I will choose.

[clingfilm portent]

I was disappointed by Wanted Dead or Alive, like Lifeforce it has everything going for it on paper.. but they're both unwatchable on account of being achingly slow. Has anyone here seen the Charlie Sheen undercover-cop-infiltrates-Michael-Madsen's-biker-gang classic Above the Law? I'm going to throw that one in. Highly watchable rubbish.

[monkfromhavana]

So that's Split Second watched. Nice little B movie with ridiculous dialogue at times, a sample-

Cop 1 - "They say he's the best"
Cop 2 - "He is the best"

Dialogue like that tends to make me smile so no problem there. It's set in London 2008 in a kind of polluted dystopia, well that's what the screed at the start says but the pollution seems to have hardly any effect other than having to occasionally stand in six inches of water. Cop thriller cliches abound including wearing a leather jacket and smoking a cigar, wearing sunglasses at night, filthy shithole apartment with hardly any food in the fridge, argument with cop boss where he's told "You fuck this up and I'll send you to some hell hole", big fuck off gun, annoying weedy sidekick etc. The film starts off as a standard cop thriller and turns into Predator 2 in the final third. The song "Knights In White Satin" keeps popping up for some reason, must be getting their money's worth. A decent B movie bit of schlock with some Kim Cattrall boobage thrown in and that's got to be a bonus. Worth a look then.

I have Wanted Dead Or Alive or Blue Thunder lined up for tonight, I wonder which I will choose.

I found Wanted Dead Or Alive to be a bit shit tbh. Not in a good way either just a bit dull.

If anyone wants to watch Split Second, it's available in its entirety on YT in one chunk

http://www.youtube.com/verify_age?next_url=/watch%3Fv%3DEtwqSWyXQwQ

I'd go with Blue Thunder, it might be a little too good for this thread though.

[Cohaagen]

Some excellent suggestions so far, particularly No Escape, Fortress, Screamers, Robot Jox, and Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins (no sequels).

My first nomination is the mighty Alien Nation. Clad in a brown leather blouson-cut bomber jacket, James Caan wields a .454 Casull, Mandy Patinkin calls himself Sam Fransisco, gets drunk on sour milk, doesn't know what a johnny bag is, Terence Stamp gets fucked on Fairy Liquid, and Rafterman out of Full Metal Jacket takes out a black cop in the first 10 minutes. Ace.

The Hard Way. Super James Woods and Michael J Fox buddy-buddy cop thriller with Stephen Lang as the memorable, 100% motive-free baddy, "The Party Crasher".

Predator 2. Sorely underrated and overlooked, this is the only film to anticipate the rise of Fox News and the trilby revival. A classic 80s action cast, despite being made in 1990, with Danny Glover, Maria Conchita Alonso, Bill Paxton, Robert Davi, Adam Baldwin (the False Baldwin), Gary Busey, and more. The subway shootout is amazing, Paxton is sleazy, King Willie knows what's going on, and the Predator cures eight point-blank shotgun blasts to the chest with fluorescent goo and some crushed-up paster from a bathroom wall.

Uncommon Valor. Another film cashing in on the 1980s American obsession with with "left behind" Vietnam prisoners. The presence of Fred Ward, Patrick Swayze, Randall "Tex" Cobb, Reb Brown and Tim Thomerson gives this film the seal of action quality.

Other recommendations include Raw Deal, F/X: Murder By Illusion, Timecop, the truly demented Johnny Mnemonic, Avenging Force, American Ninja, Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects, Tommy Lee Jones "Rambo in New York" flick The Park Is Mine, Best Seller, Tango & Cash, Action Jackson, 10 To Midnight, The Substitute, and the only two Chuck Norris movies worth watching[nb]The Missing In Action series isn't bad, though[/nb], Lone Wolf McQuade and Invasion USA.

I'm leaving out truly shit classics and unredeemable muck such as the peerless, genre-defining Death Wish 3 as they fall into a category all of their own. The Exterminator kind of falls into that, but it's so good I'll mention it here just in case people haven't experienced its majesty yet.

[monkfromhavana]

Tango 'n' Cash - BOOM! Definition![nb]I have no idea why i typed this, it made me laugh and seemed to be in keeping with the thread[/nb]


Not forgetting... Iron Eagle, Navy SEALS, Outland, Hard Target (Lance Henriksen's finest role, with top quality dialogue "Yugoslavia, OH YEAH"!

and Roger Moore's finest acting in "The Naked Face"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DETk2sD2a0Y#t=43s

[checkoutgirl]

My first nomination is the mighty Alien Nation

Predator 2

The Exterminator kind of falls into that, but it's so good I'll mention it here just in case people haven't experienced its majesty yet.

Alien Nation is just a good film, I think. As opposed to a shit film that's quite good.

Predator 2 is an interesting choice. Favourite scenes include the bit where the rasta type goes "You know what I beeeleeeve, shit 'appens" before he plunges a huge knife into some poor unfortunate. And the bit where Danny Glover gets out of the car with the rastas smoking a load of ganja. Gary Busey is on pretty decent nutcase form in this one and you can't ask for much more than that. Excellent.

The Exterminator is another interesting choice. A lot of people say that this is a pile of old arse but I have to say I disagree. I will always view meat grinders with trepidation from now on.

Some of the choices lower down look a bit ropey. Raw Deal ? I watched that when I was a 14 year old Arnie completist and was unimpressed. Maybe one for the re-watch pile.

[lazarou]

Predator 2 is an interesting choice. Favourite scenes include the bit where the rasta type goes "You know what I beeeleeeve, shit 'appens" before he plunges a huge knife into some poor unfortunate. And the bit where Danny Glover gets out of the car with the rastas smoking a load of ganja. Gary Busey is on pretty decent nutcase form in this one and you can't ask for much more than that. Excellent.

That reminds me, I'd like to add the other definitive 'evil Jamaicans in the 90s' actioner, Marked For Death. By far the most watchable of Segal's usual dreck, livened up no end by voodoo nonsense and a proper mental villain.

[checkoutgirl]

That reminds me, I'd like to add the other definitive 'evil Jamaicans in the 90s' actioner, Marked For Death. By far the most watchable of Segal's usual dreck, livened up no end by voodoo nonsense and a proper mental villain.

Hard to imagine now but Seagal was the king for about two years when I was a nipper. Steven Seagal is Out For Justice. Steven Seagal is Above The Law. Steven Seagal is Hard To Kill. Steven Seagal is Under Siege. Well you get the idea with that.

[Egyptian Feast]

Some of the choices lower down look a bit ropey. Raw Deal ? I watched that when I was a 14 year old Arnie completist and was unimpressed. Maybe one for the re-watch pile.

I wouldn't bother. It's a bad Chuck Norris vehicle with a hugely miscast lead. The best scene consists of Arnie having an argument with his unhappy wife, who is depressed about living in a trailer park and spends her days getting drunk and baking cakes that have the word 'Shit' written in icing. She chucks the cake at him, which prompts the classic line "You should not drink and bake".

Luckily for Arnie and his alcoholic wife, he fakes his own death shortly afterwards and we never hear from her again. The rest of the film is quite shit.

[Blumf]

So that's Split Second watched. Nice little B movie with ridiculous dialogue at times,
...
A decent B movie bit of schlock with some Kim Cattrall boobage thrown in and that's got to be a bonus. Worth a look then.

So I watched the copy on youtube last night. You're right about the dialogue, just plain mad, well worth it for that alone.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105459/quotes
"We need to get bigger guns. BIG FUCKING GUNS!"

"I don't think this thing thinks it's Satan, I think this thing IS Satan."
"Well Satan is in deep shit."

It also has Michael J. Pollard, who's one of those guys who pops up everywhere but you never know the name of (unless you look it up).

[lazarou]

I wouldn't bother. It's a bad Chuck Norris vehicle with a hugely miscast lead. The best scene consists of Arnie having an argument with his unhappy wife, who is depressed about living in a trailer park and spends her days getting drunk and baking cakes that have the word 'Shit' written in icing. She chucks the cake at him, which prompts the classic line "You should not drink and bake".

Luckily for Arnie and his alcoholic wife, he fakes his own death shortly afterwards and we never hear from her again. The rest of the film is quite shit.

That's literally the only thing I can remember about that one. Even as an easily impressed nipper I thought it was pretty grim, and a later rewatch didn't help.

Saw a couple of mentions for Fortress there. I used to have that on a double tape with Gunmen which I used to have a lot of time for. I haven't revisited it since though, so it may actually be shite.

Very definitely shite but amazingly so is one of my personal faves and an absolute mainstay in grimy old video shops everywhere back in the day, Nemesis. As far as cheapo cyborg shoot 'em ups go, it's the absolute tits.

[Blumf]

The best scene consists of Arnie having an argument with his unhappy wife, who is depressed about living in a trailer park and spends her days getting drunk and baking cakes that have the word 'Shit' written in icing. She chucks the cake at him, which prompts the classic line "You should not drink and bake".

I like Raw Deal. There's plenty of big dumb set-pieces and little bits of dialogue. Not to mention one of the best bits of pre-fight prep gun-porn[nb]To quote one YT commenter: "this scene is a pussy magnet" - JoeTyler85[/nb]

[monkfromhavana]

So I watched the copy on youtube last night. You're right about the dialogue, just plain mad, well worth it for that alone.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105459/quotes
"We need to get bigger guns. BIG FUCKING GUNS!"

"I don't think this thing thinks it's Satan, I think this thing IS Satan."
"Well Satan is in deep shit."

I've said it before but the best bit of a dialogue is after Durkin has shot up Stone's kitchen trying to hit a rat:

"you shot my kitchen, that's what!"

I love the comedy elements, when Hauer is getting ready for a new day which consists of drinking whatever cold coffee he finds amongst the dirty dishes in his sink, then giving his hair one solitary brush. It's the comedy moments that make me think that the everyone involved in the film from the writers onwards, knew it was shit but justw anted to have a bit of a laugh. It even has the bubbles under the water at the end, hinting at a sequel that was never EVER goign to get made.

[checkoutgirl]

So I watched the copy on youtube last night. You're right about the dialogue, just plain mad, well worth it for that alone.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105459/quotes
"We need to get bigger guns. BIG FUCKING GUNS!"

There was a really weird bit of dialogue where Haeur and the sidekick are in the jeep and Rutger says something like "Did you read all these books?" And the other guy goes something like "Yeah I read the book on the occult and the book about demons, after sex." And I'm thinking "After sex? why did he mention sex?" Odd script shenanigans.

And Michael J Pollard's appearance was very jarring and stuck out like a sore thumb as he made no effort to disguise his whiny American New York jew style accent.

Brilliant Monk, "You shot my kitchen that's what." Gloriously cheesy stuff.

[Blumf]

I've said it before but the best bit of a dialogue is after Durkin has shot up Stone's kitchen trying to hit a rat:

"you shot my kitchen, that's what!"

Dick Durkin: I saw a rat, so I shot it.
Stone: You shot my kitchen, that's what!
Dick Durkin: I missed the rat
Stone: [holding up the tail of a rat not attached to much else] You mean this one?
Dick Durkin: Cool!

That "Cool!" bit at the end, plus the fact they're using these big Gatling gun things to shoot up the place.

The creature design isn't too bad, nothing amazingly innovate but where you see it's claw on top of Hauer's head it looks just right for the film. (as does Rutger's face in that scene)

There was a really weird bit of dialogue where Haeur and the sidekick are in the jeep and Rutger says something like "Did you read all these books?" And the other guy goes something like "Yeah I read the book on the occult and the book about demons, after sex." And I'm thinking "After sex? why did he mention sex?" Odd script shenanigans.

They were talking about his personal life, stuff about him running 5 miles every morning before breakfast and having sex every night.

[checkoutgirl]

They were talking about his personal life, stuff about him running 5 miles every morning before breakfast and having sex every night.

Yeah I remember but it still seems like a really odd line, even in context.

Stone - "Do you really get laid every night?"

Durkin - "Oh yeah!!"

[Paaaaul]

I watched Screamers last night which was great fun, so thanks to those that have it upturned thumbs.
My current obsession is Sleepaway Camp, an 80s slasher film (which is available in full on YouTube). It is massively rubbish but has some mind-blowing scenes and a genuinely great,surprising ending.

[monkfromhavana]

They were talking about his personal life, stuff about him running 5 miles every morning before breakfast and having sex every night.

Apart from Sundays of course, when they "fool around".

Stone: "I thought you went to college?"
Durkin: "I did, but the occult wasn't on the curriculum"

I also love the attempted tender moment between Stone & Kim Cattrall's character in Stone's kitchen (when he opens the door to let some air in, and the wind machine is set on "gale".

Cattrall: I bring psychologically damaged kids down from Newcastle, you wouldn't believe how many kids need help"
Stone: "that's really great".

<End of scene>


Durkin: "Survivor's guilt?"
Chief: "nahh just guilt, he was sleeping with Foster's wife, she left him, he hit the booze,went over the edge"

[checkoutgirl]

Cattrall: I bring psychologically damaged kids down from Newcastle, you wouldn't believe how many kids need help"
Stone: "that's really great".

<End of scene>

Does he flash his badge at a dog and calls the dog a dickhead at one point ? Then later he goes and lies on the ground in a load of blood stains at the murder scene. And for some reason it ends with them driving off in a boat, did they arrive in a boat ? I can't remember.

If anyone's thinking of buying this cracker of a film on DVD it's a snip at $173.94 on Amazon. Cheap at thrice the price.

[monkfromhavana]

Does he flash his badge at a dog and calls the dog a dickhead at one point ? Then later he goes and lies on the ground in a load of blood stains at the murder scene. And for some reason it ends with them driving off in a boat, did they arrive in a boat ? I can't remember.

If anyone's thinking of buying this cracker of a film on DVD it's a snip at $173.94 on Amazon. Cheap at thrice the price.

He does indeed lie in the blood at the murder scene, leading to a dreadful Ian Dury double-take.

Also, on the credits at the start there's a big noise about an actress (and introducing) called Roberta Eaton. I have ZERO idea where she is in the film or what character she plays. IMDB says she plays someone called "Robin", but to the best of my knowledge there is no one in the film with that name, or with a large enough role to get that credit.

She must have been knobbing the director.

[QDRPHNC]

Anybody mentioned Killer Klowns from Outer Space yet? Shitty acting, some great and inventive effects and a great performance from John Vernon as the asshole cop.

[QDRPHNC]

The Hard Way. Super James Woods and Michael J Fox buddy-buddy cop thriller with Stephen Lang as the memorable, 100% motive-free baddy, "The Party Crasher".

Yep, genuinely good movie (or as good as you can get within the confines of an early 90s buddy cop type thing). Woods does his angry funny asshole thing and Fox sends himself up with gusto.

You also get to see Annabella Sciorra's bumcheeks, briefly. #ahthethingswehadtowanktowheniwasaboy