CaB Men (The Adverts Thread)

[Subtle Mocking]

Continued from here: http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=16279.2730

Right now there's 50% off in our shit thread titles megasale!

[Jumble Cashback]

A new dawn, huh?  Right, time to get my thinking cap on...

[Blumf]

No I'm not a secret lemonade drinker! Stupid advert men!

[Cerys]

Damn, I want some lemonade now.  You tease, you.

[KLG-7B]

That Mariachi Doritos band was identified earlier here as an insulting, insipid creation from the lazy pens of unimaginative ad men, and so naturally it has appealed directly to the British public (who are dicks) and is being featured as Doritos' current UK branding. There are new adverts, more about the band than the chips. No doubt there will be merchandise available to buy.

Society, ladies and gentlemen. If you don't like this shit you're put on a list of people who might go crazy and stab strangers in the face, as if that isn't a proportionate response to a Doritos Mariachi band.

[Epic Bisto]

The missus was going through the channels last night and those horrible little Mariachi Mongoloids were on botox-tastic Dale Winton's latest god-awful programme. From the few seconds I was forced to watch, it was still the old (to quote a poster in the previous thread) NONE OV DAT FACKING EFNIK MUSIC schtick. Appalling. And it sums up the thinking behind all the ads on at the mo: take one unfunny idea, execute it badly, then if the public aren't glued to it already, beat them 'round the head with the idea and as many unfunny follow-ups as you can until they admit defeat. "We'll force you to love it plebs!"

[doppelkorn]

Shut up! The Doritos Mariachi band are just one 80s electro cover from being national treasures.

I love there little mustashes!

[Jumble Cashback]

It's the other people in the ad who need a right royal punch in the sack.  "What's this?  This doesn't fit into my lillytits view of objective coolness.  Oh wait, they're referencing an 80s thing.  Well, that means it's the most epic thing in the world.  Now we can dance around like drunken idoits, because that's what everyone's like, really.  We all like gawping and clapping and making hollow, meaningless noise.  That's what fun is.  That's why we like the bit in Dazed and Confused magazine where they basically just show photos from a party they've been to.  Because urban intellectuals like us are united with the rest of humanity by our love of alcohol and putting an arm 'round another person's shoulder while pulling a face".  And they are meant to represent us.

[Captain Crunch]

Oh bloody hell the Julie Deane advert is back on now.  What's the most middle class method of death to wish upon her?

[Cerys]

Choking to death on an olive while trying to portray The Phantom of the Opera in a game of charades.

[Lazy Daisy]

Those Halfords ads where someone is incapable of changing a wiper blade or headlight, as if to say "if you're this incompetent come spend your money with us", along with the Compare the Market and Phones4u ones it seems the new mantra is portray your prospective new customers as idiots.

[Subtle Mocking]

So, er, Stephen Hawking hasn't got much to do with his time these days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tOimeRod4TY

[Icehaven]

So, er, Stephen Hawking hasn't got much to do with his time these days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tOimeRod4TY

He must have shoehorned filming that in between appearances in The Big Bang Theory, such is the media slut he hath become. 

[Spiteface]

I see those students have finally finished having their Halloween party:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7LzMlfP2-A

[Icehaven]

I see those students have finally finished having their Halloween party:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7LzMlfP2-A

Yes now they're accidentally fooling horny old women into thinking they're a menage a trois, the sexy fox minxes.

Just heard the Wonderstuff's Wish You Were Here on a holiday advert, simultaneously felt surprised to hear it, surprised no holiday firm has used it before, unsurprised as it doesn't really sound all that adverty, and realised the stuffies probably need the cash.   

[BlodwynPig]

I see those students have finally finished having their Halloween party:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7LzMlfP2-A

She must of got that gig thanks to her appearances on Outnumbered. Plus, the lazy cliched schtick is a bit outdated. The male character now looks a bit threadbare, I guess these adverts will soon disappear.

[KLG-7B]

Will they ever use the girl in a way that doesn't rely on her doing an everyday thing but it being considered sexy?

[Icehaven]

Will they ever use the girl in a way that doesn't rely on her doing an everyday thing but it being considered sexy?

Nope, not for as long as they tiresomely peddle the dull 'storyline' of the nerdy one fancying her but having no chance. Maybe the last ad of the series will see her crying sexily throughout their shotgun wedding after they have a drunken end of term shag and she gets knocked up. And then the other bloke you never see anymore bursts into the church wearing an ill-fitting stained wedding gown, lipstick smeared across his face, screaming '' REMEMBER ME? REMEMBER ME? I was the one from the original adverts with the twat older brother from My Family shacking up with my Mum! I went through years of having to listen to him sniggering his way to climax on my telly Mum, then finally escaped to University and the promise of a chance to finally step out of the shadows of that tall freak and his MILF fetish and get my own advert series, and what happens? I'll tell you what happens, they have no idea what to do with me and I end up being totally fucking overlooked for a will-they-won't-they-who-gives-a-fuck plot about a porky nerdy git and a sexy eye-rolling girl. THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE OTHER TWO. And She clearly fancied me in the first one, she even got me the room, but where am I now eh? I can't even remember if I was even in the Halloween one, and it was on for 6 fucking months! WELL I'M IN THIS ONE, BY GOD I AM. '' Then shoots them all and himself.

[KLG-7B]

Fuck him though, he looks like he'd genuinely be into whatever the modern equivalent of Toploader is.

[Icehaven]

whatever the modern equivalent of Toploader is.

Probably Toploader.

[Cerys]

Nah, Kris Marshall will come for a visit, having dumped the missing bloke's mum and feeling in need of some comfort.  Missing bloke will remain missing as he's busy shagging the shit DJ from the Hallowe'en party, and Kris Marshall will embark on a long and noisy comfort session with the girl, while the nerdy bloke sits alone outside the flat door, clutching his router, wanking and crying.

[DrGreggles]

I saw this earlier:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qh8knUqi5CA

It may be the worst thing that has ever happened in the world at all ever.

[Cerys]

Heh - I saw that one.  I decided that they'd bought up some cheap penguin costumes because 'hey, everyone loves penguins!'

[Subtle Mocking]

Heh - I saw that one.  I decided that they'd bought up some cheap penguin costumes because 'hey, everyone loves penguins!'

Or to hide the shame of the jobbing actors/actresses within.

[KLG-7B]

Haha, it's filmed in the CEO's car park, isn't it? Nobody with two garages is going to be using that site.

Thanks for the caption, too. I wouldn't have figured out what I was watching otherwise:



Totaljobs are really making a mistake by putting so much money into this character: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64UGe-WT-Rs

It's not going to catch on. Drop it. Covering Liverpool Street Station with your adverts isn't going to fix this. You tried to manufacture charm and fucked it.

[Jumble Cashback]

They're clearly looking to achieve ironic iconicism (or ironiconicism) with this penguin effort.  It's nice to know that, regardless of whether they achieve this, it won't help their business one bit as they don't say the name of the website fifty fucking times.  Even when they do say it, they rush it.  Haven't they learned anything from every other ironically rubbish advert?

[BlodwynPig]

i don't know, the advert made me sell my car - and I didn't even own one in the first place. Top marks to those pesky penguins.

[George Oscar Bluth II]

I really like the advert by Adam Buxton that appears to be advertising:

a) friendship and
b) the concept of advertising.

Very strange, but welcome every ad break I see it in.

[BritishHobo]

Right. Right. I haven't got a link for this, but I am just fucking sick of this bell-end, and I've got nowhere else to go.

We've all seen this menacing piece of dogshit, that tells us 'Google Chrome enables stalkers', not to mention all their other life-affirming ads about the things you can do with the internet, none of them exactly necessitating the use of Chrome, but all of them treating Chrome as some sort of life-changing product.

Well there's this fucking banner ad, and it appears almost every time I go to the homepage. It shows this absolute ballbag 'hilariously' using his girl-mate's hair as a moustache, and pulling a fucking twat's face, with the caption 'She's the one, now I just need to tell her.' and a link to the above advert. I'm not too sure if it's supposed to be the same guy, or part of the same 'romance', what I am sure of is that he's an absolute shit dickhead and just looking at him pulling that stupid fucking face of his (which I have to every time I visit YouTube) makes me want to beat it off with hammers. I don't give a fuck about your tediously overdone relationship problem where you're too much of a cock to tell your best girl friend that you wank over her Facebook pictures at night (and I bet he does, given the contents of his demented e-mails), just take your quirky pictures of your stupid boring friendship and fucking jog on, you cunt.

And stop trying to convince me to use Chrome because it's helping stalkers and twats bang on about their love lives. I use Chrome for porn because I'm too lazy to delete it from the history of the browser I actually do use. Alright? That's it. It's not happening. Move on.

[KLG-7B]

It's amazing how advertising has taken the idea of love and niceness, bent it into its own image and sold it back to idiots. That is not love and niceness.