CaB Men (The Adverts Thread)

[jfjnpxmy]

I thought they'd been invented by ad execs for Nationwide but it turns out they were an established circuit act, so on top of everything else they're fucking sell-outs.

Still Nobody deserves death threats, even twee sell-out mortgage-flogging bastards

Nobody who claims to have received death threats has ever actually received death threats.

[DrGreggles]

Sometimes it's understadable that they would though.

[mothman]

Still would though. Dark-haired one is actually much prettier than you realise, those glasses do no favours at all.

[Norton Canes]

Fucking hell if I see one more advert for piss pads

What are we, a nation of incontinents?

[Isnt Anything]

Yes.

[Dr Syntax Head]

Acceptable adult nappies

[yesitsme]

It's mainly women who can't control their bowels.

Many a time you'll see one ad for a drink or a tablet for y'know, when you're felling a bit 'bunged up' followed directly for one where the donning of white trousers would be an absolute nightmare. 

Women, what are you eating?

How about taking health advice from Alex Ferguson? 

About as sensible as taking child care advice from Louise Woodward.

[gilbertharding]

Nobody who claims to have received death threats has ever actually received death threats.

I'm not sure, but I think they've broadened the scope of 'death threats' to include hopes and wishes - eg: "I hope you get cancer" and "why don't you fuck off and die?" are now death threats.

[gilbertharding]

Yeah, but there are now entire ad breaks which can be nothing but a parade of adverts for things which will hide the fact you've wet yourself, will stop your trots, or 'loosen your stools', or relieve your heartburn, acid reflux, and in the final resort, pay for your funeral.

I note that the 'loosen your stools' ones are also mainly aimed at women - and wonder if they are mainly, in fact, used as weight loss aids.

[Dr Syntax Head]

Women soiling themselves is way sexier than men soiling themselves. Just look at the Pornhub stats for empirical evidence.

[Dr Syntax Head]

pay for your funeral.

The most depressing thing I've seen for a while is that ad where a lady drops a neighbour's post 'round and they have a little chat. The post is concerning the man's over 50 plan you see. It gets a bit meta when the lady references Parky but the sheer joy they seem to display talking about it makes me want to just end it now, get it over with. Is that my future? Looking forward to death so that my dead remains can be dealt with appropriately? Is that it? Is that all there is?

[JoeyBananaduck]

The dilly dilly beer ad can fuck off.

Moneysupermarket 'EPIC' has now co opted action man and made them dance like village people. Genius! Total legends. That is BRRRRIIIIILIANT mate! Have you seen that action man advert? Brilliant mate. It's geeeeenius!. Com here I'll bring it up on youtube on my smart phone, have a look mate you'll crease up mate. Genius. See what they did? They made action man dance like the village people. Geeeeeeeenius

Just need to update the 'Sources of humour' book a second here....let's see....where are we.....ah, it's under E.

Effeminate homosexuals, Traditionally masculine heterosexual characters acting like -

This is:

funny and perfectly ok
offensive stereotyping, tantamount to minstrelry, likely to cause offense
funny and perfectly ok

All done.

[gilbertharding]

Something morbid in my nature sometimes provokes me into imagining my own funeral. "Just put me out with the bins! Stay at home! Save your money!!" cries my soul, but no-one listens. I know deep down that funerals are, after all, for the living people left behind. Except, you know: I'm a 48 year old man. I've already shed all of my friends...

Sometimes I think what I'd do if I was left on my own - my parents and wife all died before me... once I thought I'd had enough, but was still able, I'd sell everything so the money was in the bank, will it all to my niece and my wife's nephew (my only relatives a generation younger than me), and then go and fall off a cross channel ferry.

I just finished the book Ma'am Darling, about Princess Margaret, and noted how much time she (and her mother) spent planning their funerals.

[Gulftastic]

The most depressing thing I've seen for a while is that ad where a lady drops a neighbour's post 'round and they have a little chat. The post is concerning the man's over 50 plan you see. It gets a bit meta when the lady references Parky but the sheer joy they seem to display talking about it makes me want to just end it now, get it over with. Is that my future? Looking forward to death so that my dead remains can be dealt with appropriately? Is that it? Is that all there is?

I like the brass neck of that one though. They get to reference the Parky ad, but not pay the sod any more money.

[mothman]

Isn't there, I don't know, a nice TV show somebody could find for Kevin Bacon, one where he could be the breakout comic relief character at odds with his latter-day reputation as a serious character actor? Because every time you think his EE ads have reached their ultimate nadir, they get worse.

[DrGreggles]

Isn't there, I don't know, a nice TV show somebody could find for Kevin Bacon, one where he could be the breakout comic relief character at odds with his latter-day reputation as a serious character actor? Because every time you think his EE ads have reached their ultimate nadir, they get worse.

Blame Bernie Madoff.

[Jockice]

Those Head And Shoulders adverts really get on my tits. Hairdressers being all surprised that shampoo makes your hair clean.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Youtube reccomended me these Rik Mayall nintendo ads for some reason.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w24KR30nEsg

[Icehaven]

Those Head And Shoulders adverts really get on my tits. Hairdressers being all surprised that shampoo makes your hair clean.

And I'm not convinced that drawing attention to the notion that people should be gobsmacked your product is any good is exactly a brilliant concept anyway;
"Head And Shoulders - it doesn't just get rid of dandruff, it makes your hair look and smell nice too!!"
Well I didn't think it wouldn't, but should I have done?

[Jockice]

And I'm not convinced that drawing attention to the notion that people should be gobsmacked your product is any good is exactly a brilliant concept anyway;
"Head And Shoulders - it doesn't just get rid of dandruff, it makes your hair look and smell nice too!!"
Well I didn't think it wouldn't, but should I have done?

It didn't even get rid of my dandruff.

[mothman]

It's the ultimate drug - once on it, you have to stay on it. I stopped using shampoo in my hair about 4-5 years ago and even now my scalp occasionally craves a hit, and lets me know about it.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Do they still make wash and go?

[Golden E. Pump]

It's the dental ones that get me.

"This is recommended by dentists, it really cleans your teeth."

Thanks, I was using a coat hanger but I'll give a piece of plastic with some bristles on it a go.

[Captain Poodle Basher]

Those Head And Shoulders adverts really get on my tits. Hairdressers being all surprised that shampoo makes your hair clean.

Considering she thought it a good idea to get tattoos that make it look like she's got leprosy, I don't think I'll put much store by her advice on hair care.

[jobotic]

It didn't even get rid of my dandruff.

You need the Itchy Scalp version, whether or not you have an itchy scalp. Worked a treat on my once flaky head.

[yesitsme]

There's a radio ad for Vodafone where Dobby from Peepshow rabbits on about how bad it is when your mobile gets lost/damaged.

I don't know what voice she's going for, whether it's sexy, hushed, on the QT or what but it's fucking annoying.  She sounds like a silly voiced woman with a cold phoning in to say she won't be in work today.

Which I suppose she wouldn't be able to do if her phone was banjaxed.

[Icehaven]

There's a radio ad for Vodafone where Dobby from Peepshow rabbits on about how bad it is when your mobile gets lost/damaged.

I don't know what voice she's going for, whether it's sexy, hushed, on the QT or what but it's fucking annoying.  She sounds like a silly voiced woman with a cold phoning in to say she won't be in work today.

Which I suppose she wouldn't be able to do if her phone was banjaxed.

There's so many audio ads with incredibly annoying voices, one the worst things about Spotify (I don't use it enough to make it worth paying the subscription for.)
Even weirder with Spotify though is that there's some ads with video too, so it's just some meaningless music and maybe a bit of contextless talking because who watches Spotify?

[lgpmachine]

Might be reading too much into it, but I haven't seen a Flo & Joan Nationwide advert since the "death threats" furore. They've resurrected that one with the old dear reminiscing about her Gran turning a carrier bag inside out - perhaps they're being rested until the fuss dies down?

[big al]

Yeah, but there are now entire ad breaks which can be nothing but a parade of adverts for things which will hide the fact you've wet yourself, will stop your trots, or 'loosen your stools', or relieve your heartburn, acid reflux, and in the final resort, pay for your funeral.

I note that the 'loosen your stools' ones are also mainly aimed at women - and wonder if they are mainly, in fact, used as weight loss aids.

The menstrual cycle can have an effect on your digestive system, some women do get a little sluggish the week before their periods.

[mothman]

Might be reading too much into it, but I haven't seen a Flo & Joan Nationwide advert since the "death threats" furore.

Maybe the death threats, combined with the lack of immediate explosive success they might have expected from fronting a nationwide ad campaign, have made them decide they're happier just doing... well, whatever it was they were doing before.