The Promised Land: 2000 BC - 1948 AD

[Kingboy_D]

For the last few months I've been getting strange looks at work, the reason being I've been ploughing through piles of dusty old books at lunchtime working on this article. Basically Its a 4000 year history of Palestine which is going to be background on three further articles I'm writing on Jewish, Christian and Islamic fundamentalism. For that reason I want the content to be pretty historically accurate and politically objective. Granted some of the earlier history is somewhat speculative, but the guesswork involved in the remote past means this will be the case whatever theory I decide to go with. What I'm more concerned with is more sensitive issues of Israel's establishment at the latter end of the article.

So I'm here to ask the Verbwhores nicely if they'd give it a gander and let me know of any innacuracies (or spelling mistakes), I'm especially interested in the opinions of mayer (if he's still about) regarding some of the more controversial issues I've stumbled upon at the end.

It is rather long (about 11,000 words - think of it as an especially long post) but it does have lots of pictures. I'm especially proud of my lovely maps.

Anyway, here you go!

The Promised Land: 2000 BC - 1948 AD

[elderford]

I'l do this in a couple of goes so my notes don't get too muddled.

Paragraph 4
...it is said that history, in the backbone of reality [should that be is the backbone?]

Paragraph 6
Murex shell [does this animal deserve a capital letter?]

Paragraph 7
'Abraham' [okay, so he now has inverted commas because you've just said he may not be real, but in the following paragraph you write his without, perhaps some consistency is needed]

...the source of Mari's wealth was trade, received goods from as far as...[ it received or receiving goods?]

Paragraph 9
East Mediterranean [I am unsure as to whether or not this is an actual region, if not it should be east Mediterranean]

The four symbols of the Evangelists (the four living creatures)
In Christianity all four are winged: winged-ox, winged-lion, eagle, man/angel.
No capitals: Ox, Lion, etc.
Each symbolisies an author of the four gospels from the New Testament.
Relevant Bible bit: Ezekial i.4-10
Revelation iv.2-8
they have become 'cherubim', or celestial beings. Later two of them even transmogrified into the archangels Gabriel, Michael. [cherubim are one of the two top ranking "ranks" of angels, archangels are in the lowest ranking third division, so it would appear what you are saying by using the word "even" is that they began at the top and then even got demoted to being archangels]

Paragraph 10
Abraham with no quotation marks.
His wife [alright so the ladies don't figure much but at least give her name: Sarah/Sara]
Issac [I would imagine you mean ISAAC]
Iasaac's wife is named Rebecca
[I've not finished your piece yet, but the Edomites, the descendants of Esau look interesting (hostile to Jews)]

Paragraph 12
Abrahams [apostrophe: Abraham's]

Paragraph 14
Where this new region came from, is still a matter of much debate. [religion?]

Paragraph 15
adopted by an Egyptian Princess...He then became heir to the Empire, ...and returned to his people to spread the word, ...corroborates with the biblical narrative. [capitalisation: Egyptian princess, empire, in the first paragraph you use Biblical as a proper noun in this one you don't, spread the Word (of God)]

Paragraph 16
Is it worth pointing out who/what Sigmund Freud did as a day job?

Paragraph 17?
again with the capitalisation Syrian princess, not Princess, foreign minister not Foreign Minister (the Guardian describe Tony as prime minister, not Prime Minister), and pharaoh not Pharaoh, unless it's got his name I would have thought, as in Pharaoh Bob

Paragraph 18
...Chief steward...

Paragraph 20?
...sun God Aten

Paragraph 21
23rd year [just looks so wrong, figures and abbreviations together, perhaps looking sweeter written as "twenty-third"]
correlate with the historian Josephus account  [Josephus's]
and the usual Princes and Pharaohs capitalisation

Paragraph 22
20 kiloton's in size [why the apostrophe?]
[I'll also add that when describing the eruption you veer from 100% fact to elsewhere using the word "estimated"]
...the Bible [I would imagine it's The Bible, or to give it its full name The Holy Bible]

I've lost track of the paragraphs
Led by awesome sight of the pillar of fire, Prince Tuthmose led the Israelites North from Avaris, [north]
...and consequently half of mankind [you've already made a decision not to name the two Biblical wives and now you're leaving half of humankind out of your world view by using 'mankind', stop it you pig]

Hebrews spent 40 years [forty looks better as the text is non technical]
...Mnevis bull [spelling?]
also the end of the paragraph, did moses have 1. a staff and 2. a headdress of thorns?
also Golden Calf, but golden bulls

Punctuation inconsistencies
In your book of the dead list, some have full-stops others don't, Ten Commandments have none, decide which way you want to go and then apply that rule consistantly

...But since the Ark has long lost in the mists of time, [has long been?]

...and taking the reigns of Joshua's imperial ambitions conquered the city of Salem, [to avoid confusion with kings' reigns, how about...taking UP the reigns]

...some contemporary Rabbis [rabbis]

...based around sacrificed performed in Solomon's Temple [sacrifices]
...Generals[generals]
...According to passages in Kings and Chronicles [is it worth mentioning what book these passages come from?]

...who's part in the history of the Hebrews [whose?]
...The aftermath of the Temples destruction also inspired [Temple's, you are only referring to one temple not many]
...who's strange visions [whose]
...Ezekiel, who's strange visions of valleys of bones and burning wheels in the sky have led some scholars to conclude he was either mentally ill or some kind of drug addict. [seems a bit harsh for someone who wrote a proper bible book, personally I am unhappy with your conclusion of on drugs or mentally ill, many people are mentally ill (more than you would think) you're giving the impression to me that it is a negative thing to be thought of in the same terms as being a drug addict Mr Gary Bushell].

...It was in one of the later caravans that Ezra arrived, bringing with him the newly written scriptures, the concept of the synagogue and new traditions such as circumcision. [I was under the impression that this was something God introduced to Abraham as proof of their convenant?]

...In the following 300 years after the Temples reconstruction [how many temples?]
...Typhoid Fever [typhoid fever]

...Roman Authorities  [Roman authorities]

...Dead Sea scrolls[Dead Sea Scrolls]

...After Jesus death Jewish [after Jesus' death](one of the few times you may leave out the double s, as in Chris's, Jesus is an exception)(to avoid it completely refer to him as Christ and then we don't have to wonder which Jesus you are referring to)

...Christianities Doomsday text, about 30 years later [Christianity's]
...30 years [just one of many examples, words not figures, dates look great in figuresand weights and measures, but passing of time in words]

...what was claimed to be Christ's Tomb [it still is]

...the Dark ages [dreadful term which suggests that nothing got done or thought about after the Romans left, probably has a better name now, eg. Early Medieval]

...the two halves of the Roman Empire [both halves]

...It was mob mentality on a geopolitical scale. As they done so, they decimated the European Jewish community, [as they done so reads a bit weird]

...nineteenth century, at the beginning you mention 20th century, written numbers or figures not both

...Der Judenstaat [set book titles in italics]

...August 29, 1897 [number,word,number 29 August 1897]

...subjects of the Empire such [which empire?]

...Manchester Guardian [set in italics]

...Perhaps unsurprsingly the Nazis did not respond to this offer [spell: unsurprisingly]

...New York Times [set in italics]

The only other points I'll make are:

watch your figures/written numbers (you use 19th century, nineteenth century and then 19th century again, 30s perhaps 1930s or Thirties would be better, Jesus aged between 12 to 33, looks ugly try: twelve to thirty-three)

have a think about proper nouns and capitalisation, versus nouns with do not require capitalisation

I'm not too taken when reading stuff that isn't speech with coming across abbreviations: weren't, etc, it does not hamper reading to have  just read does not instead of doesn't.

lastly, your writing has many apostrophes: eg Hitler's Germany, as opposed to the Germany of Hitler, Christ's teachings, as opposed to the teachings of Christ. Again this is spoken thing for me, in speech it looks fine, but in considered text when you're using it all the time it makes your voice (for me) too informal, but that might be what you're aiming for (eg Jesus 'trashing' the stalls at the temple, or Ezekial being 'on drugs')

[Kingboy_D]

Whoa. Thank you mr elderford, that was very thorough! You grammar Nazis have your uses after all! ;-)

Well that's the spelling taken care of, anyone got beef with the facts?

[Vermschneid Mehearties]

That's terrific work. I can't say fairer than that. An admirable attempt for sure.

You'd have to have decades of first-hand experience, as well as a shedload of evidence and historical knowledge to properly argue though, and even then your upbringing as well as a lot of personal factors come into play. There are barely enough appropriate people on the planet to have a conversation of any worth about issues such as this. Call it post-modern tosh, but just someones opinion isn't good enough, and I look at it even more sternly if they've tried to make it detailed, but still missed out on the insummountable factors that have an equal bearing.

It's much more interesting discussing why people have different views, because it's impossible to have a full in-depth argument without knowing and understanding why people inherit or develop certain attitudes and values.

[Kingboy_D]

Cheers VM. As long as i don't end up on the ADL's 'hate sites' list. ;-)

[jutl]

Great stuff KingboyD - balanced and well-written.

[Bill Oddie]

Looks like a fantastic read KD... I've printed a copy and will read it at work tomorrow*. Keep it up!



*Too busy in the evenings ;)

Edit: Are you going to cover 1948-present too?

[Tokyo Sexwhale]

Part of the reason for the rise in Muslim fundamentalism is that religious extremism though is not a phenomenon confined to Islam; it also has growing branches in both Judaism and Christianity.

Maybe I've read that the wrong way, but it doesn't make sense to me.  Should that "though" be there?

[Kingboy_D]

Cheers guys, appreciate the feedback.

Maybe I've read that the wrong way, but it doesn't make sense to me. Should that "though" be there?

Yeah doesn't make much sense does it. Ta!

Are you going to cover 1948-present too?

Yeah the 1948 - Present bit will be part of the Jewish Fundamentalist article which I'm still working on. I was hoping to have mayer's input in that but it seems the young man has gone AWOL.

[elderford]

I think it's worth banging on about King David Hotel bombing in Palestine, as for many years it held the record for the number of people killed in one terrorist attack.
http://www.us-israel.org/jsource/History/King_David.htmlNot to mention digging out the famous photo of the british army sergeant(?) who was hung by terrorists. Sometime around 1948, the publication of the photo in British newspapers helped sway public opinion against the British remaining in Palestine (allegedly).

Both of these atrocities were carried out by Jewish terror groups.

[Kingboy_D]

Hadn't heard of that british soldier being hung, will need to keep a look out for the photo. May add a bit abut that King David hotel bomb as it turns out one of the suspects, Stanley Goldfoot, regularly tours the US Christian TV and radio stations giving speeches about the wickedness of Islam.

Cheers

[elderford]

Here we go:
http://www.doublestandards.org/unbunche.html

July 30, 1947, Palestine. Irgun terrorists announced that they have handed two British sergeants, Marvyn Paice and Clifford Martin, whom they had held as hostages since July 12, for "crimes against the Jewish community." The two were seized when death sentences on the three Irgun members were confirmed by the British authorities. Two more British soldiers were killed by a land mine near Hadera. British troops attacked the Jewish colony of Pardes Hanna in revenge for the murders.

July 31, 1947, Nathanya. The bodies of the two murdered British sergeants were found hanging from eucalyptus trees one and a half miles from Nathanya about 5:30 AM. A booby trap blew Martin's body to bits when it was cut down. Enraged British troops stormed into Tel Aviv, wrecked shops, attacked pedestrians and sprayed a bus with gunfire killing five Jews: two men, two women and a boy.

http://www.skrewdriver.net/gothic.html
Shite looking website, but have a scroll down and there is a poor reproduction of the photograph of the hanging sergeants.