Author Topic: Inept film posters  (Read 47873 times)

Nuclear Optimism

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Inept film posters
« on: April 09, 2013, 03:33:42 PM »
With all the money they throw at films these days, you'd think they could afford to shell out a few quid for a decent poster. Yet time and again they fail to create something remotely convincing. How many times have we seen a terrible poster that could have been solved simply by getting the cast to actually get together for a group photo, instead of letting some underpaid photoshop monkey to stick them together.

Let's examine the filmography of one Adam Sandler.


Everyone has seen this abomination of a poster (more than have seen the film at least). There's really nothing good about it. The two girls look like computer game characters. Look at the way the deck is a lazy mirror of itself. Now to be fair, the wildly different skin tones on Sandler's torso seems to be the rest of the scanning.


Here they've had another go, with limited results, apparently using the very same photo of Sandler's head as before. Note the wacky curvature of the surface of the Earth, which suggests that the planet is the size of Pluto.


The opposite problem is present in this film, which appears to take place on the inner surface of a doughnut-shaped world. I don't know what's in that bucket, but it sure as hell isn't water. Here we are introduced to the difficulties of setting people on grass. Poor Fairuza Balk, she's been removed from most other posters for the film.


Are the other players small, or far away? Once again humble grass wreaks havoc on the design.


In this Sandler-produced film the grass is slightly better, but not by much. Look at how badly that building on the left has been dumped on the ground, it seems to be emitting light from underneath.


Another lazy mirror-image job, especially visible on the lions. Let's not get started on the scale issues. And look at the view, those doors must open onto a sheer drop.


Another one of Sandler's mates. Where exactly is Rosario Dawson looking? At least whoever made this knew not to even try setting them down on an actual surface...


... which is more than can be said for the creator of this. The dreaded grass strikes again. If I was a photographer I'd just find someone's lawn and take the shot there. It looks like a straight-to-DVD knockoff, but this film cost $70 million (the same as Inglorious Bastards and War Horse, for example).


This one's really a game of two halves. On one hand they've done a really good job with the sand around Jennifer Aniston's feet, yet completely cocked it up with Sandler. A mixed bag.


Of course Sandler isn't in this one (he did the remake), but we'd be remiss to neglect it. It's a shame that during the entire filming schedule they never thought to take a photo of Burt Reynolds holding a football.
« Last Edit: April 09, 2013, 06:28:59 PM by Nuclear Optimism »

Lyfjaberg

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Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #1 on: April 09, 2013, 03:42:36 PM »

Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #2 on: April 09, 2013, 03:53:24 PM »
The Room one is very fitting.

…Of course Sandler isn't in this one (he did the remake), but we'd be remiss to neglect it. It's a shame that during the entire filming schedule they never thought to take a photo of Burt Reynolds holding a football.

That image was done for a home media release – yes, it’s not a good ‘un but the actual movie poster was rather different.

On a tangent, the Sandler version isn’t the only remake – it was giving a British setting in The Mean Machine some years before.  Give me the original film any day, but the star vehicle for Vinnie Jones was rather better than I expected (although my expectations were very low) and had creditable supporting cast (including David Hemmings as the prison governor).

Lyfjaberg

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Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #3 on: April 09, 2013, 03:59:19 PM »
The Room one is very fitting.

What's worse -- the Wordart, or his "fuck me I've killed a hooker" eyes?

I would prefer a poster that somehow puts across the way Greg Sestero says 'underwear man?' while punching a dwarf in the crotch.

mcbpete

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Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #4 on: April 09, 2013, 04:09:29 PM »
There's a lot of them in the big Photoshop Disasters thread - http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=21488.0

Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #5 on: April 09, 2013, 04:33:55 PM »
This one does a decent job of being lifeless and strangely terrifying at the same time.


Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2013, 04:48:00 PM »

Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #7 on: April 09, 2013, 04:49:34 PM »

Morrison Lard

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Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #8 on: April 09, 2013, 04:52:34 PM »
This is a good one, and it also makes my willy hard but I'm not sure why

Nuclear Optimism

  • The real Dim Shady
Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #9 on: April 09, 2013, 05:31:41 PM »
I reckon the Jack and Jill poster is as good as it could be under the circumstances.

But there's no excuse for this one:



That one is horrific lazarou. It's so blurry it almost looks like one of those hologram pictures that you tilt back and forth.

BTW, I think you've got the wrong idea checkoutgirl...

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Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #10 on: April 09, 2013, 05:46:41 PM »
That one is horrific lazarou. It's so blurry it almost looks like one of those hologram pictures that you tilt back and forth.

God, you're right.  Lenticular images, I think they are called.

Lyfjaberg

  • Eating eggs is cannibalism
Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #11 on: April 09, 2013, 05:48:45 PM »
God, you're right.  Lenticular images, I think they are called.

What kind of hippy food makes your eyes go funny?

Lenticules!




I'll stop now.

Nuclear Optimism

  • The real Dim Shady
Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #12 on: April 09, 2013, 05:52:42 PM »
It also looks like Michael Caine is doing a giant bee up the arse.


In this poster Eddie Murphy appears to made of linoleum.


Here we see Ben Stiller having a mild stroke. Judging by the angle of the buildings, the pair of them must have been photographed from the ground while adopting Michael Jackson's famous lean from Smooth Criminal.


Whoever made this couldn't even be bothered to photoshop two hands, so they've just flipped the same one. Yes, that is Terence Stamp.


Here's one for Up The Arse Corner.


And who can forget this timeless classic? Check out that clunky tagline.
« Last Edit: April 09, 2013, 06:12:56 PM by Nuclear Optimism »

Lyfjaberg

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Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #13 on: April 09, 2013, 05:57:20 PM »
In this poster Eddie Murphy appears to made of linoleum.

Black don't crack.

Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #14 on: April 09, 2013, 06:00:44 PM »
Bit of an obvious one as it was destined to be terrible, but they had a decent go at raising the bar regardless:



What the fuck is going on with that ball baby

Nuclear Optimism

  • The real Dim Shady
Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #15 on: April 09, 2013, 06:32:34 PM »
Ha! And what a rubbish tagline. "Don't Drive, Crawl!" It's not even a pun.


Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #16 on: April 09, 2013, 06:52:15 PM »
Great film, but



And this one..I'm going to guess that all of these figures were cut and pasted from separate photos


Nuclear Optimism

  • The real Dim Shady
Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #17 on: April 09, 2013, 08:22:31 PM »
^ See also:



And the first one seems to have vanished. Ah the dangers of hotlinking.

Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #18 on: April 09, 2013, 08:34:30 PM »
This is one of the shittest I've seen recently. Look at the fucking state of it.


Nuclear Optimism

  • The real Dim Shady
Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #19 on: April 09, 2013, 09:16:23 PM »
Oh wow. Then again, most X-Men posters are shite.


Shite. I think the Iranian Photoshop Department hand a hand in this one.


Shite. Obviously made my someone who doesn't know how reflections work.
 

This one is probably the least shite, but it's still shite.


Shite. Note that they obviously weren't allowed to use Patrick Stewart's face in the reflection.


Shite. Similarly, suggesting Ian McKellen without showing him.


Amazingly, this is not amateur fan-art. Shite.


Shite.
« Last Edit: April 09, 2013, 09:30:20 PM by Nuclear Optimism »

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Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #20 on: April 09, 2013, 09:24:51 PM »
And this one..I'm going to guess that all of these figures were cut and pasted from separate photos



My theory is that with them being separately pasted in rather than posing together, the designers must think they're achieving an inherent lack of spatial hierarchy, in a way that's very important when you're dealing with actors' egos.  Even when they overlap there isn't really somebody in front or behind someone else, because they seem to occupy the same physical space.  They are somehow all, incredibly, the "main" person in that picture.  It's almost a miracle.

The big pity, of course, is that the poster is shit.

Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #21 on: April 09, 2013, 09:43:23 PM »
Whatever happened to the nice painted posters they had in the 80s? Even low brow comedies like Vacation had cool posters like this



These days it would be a stock photo of the grand canyon with Chevy Chase and the kids shoddily photoshopped into the foreground and then Randy Quaid's grinning head poking into frame at a really awkward angle.

Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #22 on: April 09, 2013, 09:50:19 PM »
I'll just leave this here.


Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #23 on: April 09, 2013, 09:53:10 PM »
Haha! Almost exactly what I imagined!

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Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #24 on: April 09, 2013, 10:05:22 PM »
Haha! Almost exactly what I imagined!

I was hoping for the kids in the foreground and Randy Quaid's oddly-angled head, really.  Can't you cobble something together?

ziggy starbucks

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Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #25 on: April 09, 2013, 10:43:30 PM »

Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #26 on: April 09, 2013, 10:49:09 PM »
[National Lampoon poster]

Remind me of this:


Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #27 on: April 09, 2013, 10:53:50 PM »
I was hoping for the kids in the foreground and Randy Quaid's oddly-angled head, really.  Can't you cobble something together?

I'd like to, but I have work to do, maybe later. I'm hoping Ziggy Starbucks or someone will save me the trouble though.

Phil_A

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Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #28 on: April 09, 2013, 11:20:25 PM »
Speaking of Randy Quaid's head at an odd angle:


Re: Inept film posters
« Reply #29 on: April 09, 2013, 11:21:54 PM »
Sorry, this was the best I could do in short time