Topic: Inept film posters

[mcbpete]

They look like updated Mills and Boon book covers

[Blumf]

Reminds me of Frank Frazetta's (of Conan the Barbarian book cover fame) stuff. He loved them powerful pyramid/triangle compositions









And the scantily clad human form, he loved them too (seriously, he was very good at drawing humans, making them feel solid, real and moving)

[Lyfjaberg]

Film posters are sexist. You never see a strong, independent woman cradling a man, as he sheds a tear of violation after having been mated with against his will.

[thecuriousorange]

This tag-line is how your friend at school would excitedly begin describing the film to you.



I suppose in that way it's quite a concise summation of the premise, which would make it the opposite of inept.

But isn't it all a bit too "does exactly what it says on the tin"? 

How much did someone get paid for typing that?

Did their boss not want them to come up with something like "The president's problems are about to get sky high" or "With this guy as president, would you attack America?" Well they're both shit, but they could have put a bit of effort in.

[Big Jack McBastard]

The unconvincing collage of people of bad enough, but what really grates is how the list is laid out.  Why would all the lines ending in '..... Job' start in a different position to the rest of it?  Surely they could have done something?  Also, possibly the least alluring picture of Aubrey in existence.

Aren't they just implying that Blow/Hand Job is already ticked off the list?

[Small Man Big Horse]

This isn't an inept film poster as such, but more a case of bad positioning, as every morning I have to change at Piccadilly Circus from the Bakerloo Line to the Piccadilly Line, and I was walk down the stairs I'm greeted by this:



It's worth visiting Piccadilly Circus for that alone!

[Sexton Brackets Drugbust]

This isn't an inept film poster as such, but more a case of bad positioning, as every morning I have to change at Piccadilly Circus from the Bakerloo Line to the Piccadilly Line, and I was walk down the stairs I'm greeted by this:



It's worth visiting Piccadilly Circus for that alone!

Looks like it stars Walter White.

[thecuriousorange]

Can you really use a quote from "Vue Magazine" as a testimonial?

Trying to pass off some PR fluff from an advertisement as a review. All that does is make me assume it's getting savaged in actual reviews.

It's an inept film poster just for that.

[Thursday]

  Also, possibly the least alluring picture of Aubrey in existence.

It does look a bit like one of those "airbrushed to make her adhere to the focus grouped, scientific definition of what an attractive face shape should be, so clean up anything quirky or unusual that actually makes her attractive" pictures.

See also

[Nuclear Optimism]

Where are you finding these Nuclear Optimism?

Oh here and there. There and abouts. Sometimes I see them on IMDb, sometimes I see them on Rotten Tomatoes, sometimes various film poster websites, and sometimes my colleagues email them to me (bitter, low-rung graphic designers doing menus for pizza parlours and business cards for grain salesmen, while these hacks get to work in films. It's just like how everyone on CaB is a failed comedy writer and so hates all comedy, or so the story goes).

[Sexton Brackets Drugbust]

It does look a bit like one of those "airbrushed to make her adhere to the focus grouped, scientific definition of what an attractive face shape should be, so clean up anything quirky or unusual that actually makes her attractive" pictures.

See also

Christ, they supremely fucked that up!

[Gavin M]

Aren't they just implying that Blow/Hand Job is already ticked off the list?

I didn't make myself clear.  The tick isn't the problem.  The problem is her left hand - it's obviously meant to be covering up the words that end in job.  So why has she written French Kiss in central alignment, then shift everything to the left for the lines directly below it?  Maybe she should put THAT on her to do list, eh?!?

[zomgmouse]

It does look a bit like one of those "airbrushed to make her adhere to the focus grouped, scientific definition of what an attractive face shape should be, so clean up anything quirky or unusual that actually makes her attractive" pictures.

See also

Holy hell! Wow!!

[daf]

Aren't they just implying that Blow/Hand Job is already ticked off the list?

Looks like she's just reminding herself to have a massive dump, before setting forth to find some gainful employment . . . and then giving someone a blowie.

[kidsick5000]

sometimes my colleagues email them to me (bitter, low-rung graphic designers doing menus for pizza parlours and business cards for grain salesmen, while these hacks get to work in films.

A friend briefly worked for a design agency that did these film posters in the early part of last decade. Briefly because it was soul destroying. He tried to pitch something artier – no dice. It's a case of 'here are the images we want to use, in this style, this font.' Joyless.
I doubt the bigger films try too hard anyway. There's a legion of Olly Moss-es willing to redesign and inadvertantly promote your film on tumblr and deviantart.

[Povidone]

Pacino's head looks photoshopped on, although probably isn't, still a fuck awful poster.

[Default to the negative]

All the posters and DVD covers for Audition are inept in the sense that they're massive spoilers.

   

[Blumf]

I really wish they'd played the marketing for Audition completely straight as a rom-com; pastel fonts, happy smiling couple, no clue about the horrors within.

[Sexton Brackets Drugbust]

I really wish they'd played the marketing for Audition completely straight as a rom-com; pastel fonts, happy smiling couple, no clue about the horrors within.

Quite. I also think it should serve as the template for all romantic comedies. Imagine Love Actually or Along Came Polly mixed with Audition.

[Blumf]

Imagine Love Actually or Along Came Polly mixed with Audition.

100% less vomit inducing for starters.

[mothman]

"Oh, thank God - a torture scene. For a horrible moment I was afraid it was going to be a montage of moments in love set to a whimsically-chosen golden oldie."

[Famous Mortimer]

What's wrong with their faces?

[El Unicornio, mang]

I really wish they'd played the marketing for Audition completely straight as a rom-com; pastel fonts, happy smiling couple, no clue about the horrors within.

Me too, but then the problem would be that loads of girly romcom lovers would rent it and hate it, and most people who actually like that type of horror film would avoid it until they found out that it wasn't a romcom, which would then defeat the point of it having the romcom cover.

[Blumf]

Me too, but then the problem would be that loads of girly romcom lovers would rent it and hate it,

That's the idea

[Bored of Canada]

This one's just popped up in my facebook feed. It looks all wrong. I can't figure it out. The repeated SWAT members, the odd looking arms, the clearly photoshopped and airbrushed face. The flat void they're all in. The 2D vehicles. All up, it's not the most awful thing ever, but all the tiny details go into creating that uncanny valley feeling that just makes my brain double-take.

What's wrong with their faces?

Yikes.

[SteveDave]

What's wrong with their faces?

Is bottom left Chunk from the Goonies now?

[Shameless Custard]

What is going on with her in the middle?

[Olarrio]

[Johnny Textface]

Whats supposed to be happening under the suitcase?

[Famous Mortimer]

Two things.
1. Rather than displaying any emotion traditionally associated with film posters, this chap looks like he's halfway through the easy crossword in the Daily Star
2. He and the army of the damned are facing in the same direction, making it look like he's on their side