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The worst song you've ever heard

Started by the psyche intangible, May 30, 2013, 04:23:41 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

non capisco

Quote from: Lordofthefiles on January 16, 2019, 02:22:20 PM
"I Just Called to Say I Love You" - Stevie Wonder

It's a) shit as fuck, b) weirdly off kilter, just slightly too slow, so it has a plodding shitness about it from the very start, c) it's chord progression is so simple, unvaried and 'special school' in its execution that even Pete Waterman would demand a rewrite, and d) It reminds me of the bleak, bleak 1980's.

The crap little 'cha cha cha' flourish at the end amuses me greatly, though. Like Stevie got a new Casio keyboard for Christmas that had a 'cha cha cha' button on it that he thought he might as well make use of.

NO NEW PAGE CUNT TO CELEBRATE

momatt

This thread is an utter bastard.
All of these shit songs are stuck in my head now.
Fucking hell.  Gonna do a flounce now.

Rich Uncle Skeleton

Quote from: Camp Tramp on January 01, 2015, 09:56:51 PM
Some more dreadful songs from opposite sides of the spectrum

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGwB-f1xfxM

I suppose this song was made with the intention to be dreadful, still.......


Mother of god..

Probably not the worst song ever, but Westlife were on TV the other day performing a new song co-written by Ed Sheeran which featured the lyrics:

"Cos you could have someone without a belly or a temper
Perfect teeth, hair growing where it's meant ta"

Sounds like something Kinky John's boyband ManDate would have sung in Reeves and Mortimer.

Wasn't the thread title a song by Kissing The Pink?

Gulftastic

Quote from: Chollis on January 16, 2019, 12:07:04 PM
Gotta be

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yBnIUX0QAE

Probably not the worst song I've ever heard but fucking hell I hate it so much. It was played on repeat for what felt like forever when it was released. And everyone who liked it was an unmitigated cunt, including my little sister

And,of course, used to soundtrack one of Jamie Oliver's fucking smug-fest adverts.

This is what we were meant to aspire to back then. No wonder the world is so fucked today.

Twed

My mother's reaction to those adverts was that she imagines me having a life like that when I'm a little older

So I doubled down on being a misanthrope.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Head Gardener on June 19, 2013, 07:14:21 PM
this week I am mostly hating the new single by M.I.A.



Always get her mixed up with Mya off of Ghetto Superstar.

PlanktonSideburns



Quote from: monolith on January 17, 2019, 07:56:05 AM
I've said it before and I'll say it again:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOMSZQ7RacQ

Eugh.

The only song that's actually worse than that is this one:

Oxide & Neutrino - Bound 4 Da Reload (Casualty)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPgbITf6Pp4

Everything about it is shit.  The inane rapping.  The stupid sporadic squidgy bass.  The irrelevant Lock Stock sample.  The shitty melody played on a Casio keyboard's pizzicato strings voice.  The naff 80s 808 drums before they became retro-cool again.  The fact that it has "(Casualty)" in brackets at the end as a sub-title.

Even the name of the group's shit.

Dicky dicky dum, dicky dicky dum.  Fuck off.

boki

Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on January 16, 2019, 10:45:35 PM
so many bad things at once, i cant find much that is worse than brokencyde

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qa6qpgLvH30

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNXb5roCBUY
That Crunkcore scene they begat yielded all manner of horror.  Check out Dot Dot Curve if you really hate your ears and mind.

Jerzy Bondov

Quote from: Clatty McCutcheon on January 16, 2019, 05:15:14 PM
Probably not the worst song ever, but Westlife were on TV the other day performing a new song co-written by Ed Sheeran which featured the lyrics:

"Cos you could have someone without a belly or a temper
Perfect teeth, hair growing where it's meant ta"

Sounds like something Kinky John's boyband ManDate would have sung in Reeves and Mortimer.
I'm a big Westlife apologist and I think the song's okay, but I hate those lyrics. It's such a typical Ed Sheeran line and doesn't suit Westlife in the slightest. You can get away with that line if you're a hairy little scruffy goblin, but not if you look like any given member of Westlife.

Last time they had somebody famous come in and write them a big single it was Gary Barlow and they visibly did not like the song* so I don't know why they've gone back to that well.

*Lighthouse. Has a really incongruous and jarring middle 8 because Gary Barlow is beyond hopeless

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: boki on January 17, 2019, 04:47:34 PM
That Crunkcore scene they begat yielded all manner of horror.  Check out Dot Dot Curve if you really hate your ears and mind.


YES M A T E

hummingofevil

Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on January 16, 2019, 10:45:35 PM
so many bad things at once, i cant find much that is worse than brokencyde

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qa6qpgLvH30

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNXb5roCBUY

This thread been going nearly 6 years and I was just about to post that too. Weird. Unless it's in every page and just can't be arsed reading full thread. The most remarkable fact about Freaky is that the actual song barely scraps the top 4 of shit things about it after that cunt's hair, the other cunt's face and the creepy as fuck sexualisation of the girls in the video. Gross.

Still it's not as bad as Going In For The Kill by her who's mam was on The Bill. That voice! Christ. Makes me fucking murderous.

Golden E. Pump

Quote from: hummingofevil on January 17, 2019, 10:34:46 PM
Still it's not as bad as Going In For The Kill by her who's mam was on The Bill. That voice! Christ. Makes me fucking murderous.

I hate that song and her voice, but 'Bulletproof' was a bona fide banger.

famethrowa

Quote from: Golden E. Pump on January 18, 2019, 12:30:11 AM
I hate that song and her voice, but 'Bulletproof' was a bona fide banger.

What does she do now? Does she have a job? Does she do anything??

gmoney

She did another album, it was great! Stop slagging off La Roux!

Vodka Margarine

Quote from: Darles Chickens on January 17, 2019, 04:43:31 PM
The only song that's actually worse than that is this one:

Oxide & Neutrino - Bound 4 Da Reload (Casualty)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPgbITf6Pp4

Everything about it is shit.  The inane rapping.  The stupid sporadic squidgy bass.  The irrelevant Lock Stock sample.  The shitty melody played on a Casio keyboard's pizzicato strings voice.  The naff 80s 808 drums before they became retro-cool again.  The fact that it has "(Casualty)" in brackets at the end as a sub-title.

Even the name of the group's shit.

Dicky dicky dum, dicky dicky dum.  Fuck off.

It is of course a load of bobbins but it is also rather wonderful. I love the sheer balls of it and the fact two gormless seventeen year olds got it to number one.

Gregory Torso

Quote from: Vodka Margarine on January 18, 2019, 09:35:26 AM
It is of course a load of bobbins but it is also rather wonderful. I love the sheer balls of it and the fact two gormless seventeen year olds got it to number one.

Never heard this before and its unapologetic shitness has cheered me up immensely, particularly the bit where someone tries to play the casualty theme tune on a keyboard. However, I never want to hear it again: it has given me everything I need from it.

hamfist


popcorn

Oxide from Oxide and Neutrino did a performance at my school. Afterwards there was a Q&A. One child said: "Oxide, where's Neutrino?" Oxide said: "He's in the mixing studio, making up some new mixes."

That's my Oxide and Neutrino story.


Avril Lavigne

Alex James & Betty Boo's sideproject Wigwam was pretty awful, at least lyrically.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPEcgd6FTeU

Jockice

It's still Shiny Happy People then?

Stoneage Dinosaurs


Vodka Margarine

Quote from: Jockice on January 20, 2019, 02:19:17 PM
It's still Shiny Happy People then?

It's not even in the top 10 of worst R.E.M. songs, bhuna boy.

Avril Lavigne

Quote from: Vodka Margarine on January 20, 2019, 08:30:16 PM
It's not even in the top 10 of worst R.E.M. songs, bhuna boy.

It's not even NOT in my list of top 10 best songs generally!

buzby

Quote from: gmoney on January 18, 2019, 04:41:39 AM
She did another album, it was great! Stop slagging off La Roux!
She did backing vocals on a couple of tracks on New Order's Music Complete album too.

popcorn

Quote from: hummingofevil on January 17, 2019, 10:34:46 PM
Still it's not as bad as Going In For The Kill by her who's mam was on The Bill. That voice! Christ. Makes me fucking murderous.

Oh but this remix is fucking ace.