Author Topic: The worst song you've ever heard  (Read 28865 times)

Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #60 on: June 02, 2013, 05:25:20 AM »
We've already settled this question, and the answer is The Black Eyed Peas - The Time (Dirty Bit)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwQZQygg3Lk

Everything about this is truly odious and I'm not sure whether William (for that is his name) is a revolutionary trying to bring the worlds attention to some kind of Illuminati plot to keep us stupid by making literally the most desperately over-produced, sampling-by-numbers toss ever created or if he's actually this fucking shit.

Start of the song. Needlessly irritating voice-over states that "this is international. big, mega radio smasher". Lets forget for a second that all of the words chosen in that sentence don't seem to actually work together but instead focus on the fact that they had to record that BEFORE the song was released and became a hit, which means they were THAT CONFIDENT that it would be. Is that because the game is fixed? Were they told that it was going to be Number 1 no matter what? Are they that arrogant? I'm convinced it's a little of both. They figured that by shoe-horning the chorus of a famous 80s track into their song completely unchanged, that people would buy it. Depressingly they were right. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

William starts singing. Pointless auto-tune on his voice, doing the notes for him. Then Fergie comes along to repeat exactly the same bit but this time, incredibly, WITHOUT AUTO-TUNE, so we can ALL HEAR THAT SHE CAN'T EVEN SING THE MOST BASIC FUCKING MELODY OF ALL TIME AND IS FOR SOME REASON FAMOUS AS A SINGER. SERIOUSLY, FUCKING LISTEN TO HER TRY TO SING "TIME OF MY LIFE" AND TELL ME SHE CAN SING. WHY DOES SHE EXIST. WHY IS SHE MAKING MILLIONS PERFORMING MUSIC WHEN SHE CANNOT PERFORM THE ONE BASIC REQUIREMENT OF THAT JOB. WHY IS SHE, GENERALLY. WHY.

And then... the song just disappears into a completely unrelated beat that sounds like something out of Fruity Loops with one of them saying "Dirty Bit". So we've had "The Time". And now it's "Dirty Bit". Pretty on the nose there guys.

What follows is a master class of shitty rapping. William provides some generic "we're in a club" rapping - awful but just kind of washes over you after the shit-shower of the beginning of the track - but then Fergie arrives to deliver the news that she "got freaky freaky baby" while "chilling with her ladies" and also that she was born to get wild, that's her style and "if you didn't know that, baby now you know now". I also know you can't fucking rap for shit and considering you have 3 rappers in the group, perhaps one of them should have had a glance at your lyrics because I'm pretty sure even they would have been able to improve on that.

But hold on, they've produced themselves into a corner here because now our ears are used to this beat. How are we going to go to the chorus that they set up (read: ripped off) at the start of the song? Oh right, they're just going drop the melody out entirely and shout another really appaulingly constructed sentence that no one would ever say (I'M. HAVING. A GOOD. TIME. WITH YOU.)  and then sneak that opening synth back in underneath (with a desperate "I'm telling you" trying in vain to change the key of the song back to the chorus).

The song is finished by the halfway mark so they just repeat this structure again so that the other one can get a verse in (but not the OTHER other one for some reason) and then they finish it off with the ripped off chorus with yet more terrible vocal effects, including the sound of a tape machine slowing to a stop during Fergie's verses, which is presumably direct from when their sound engineer shot himself in the head when he realised he had wasted his life.

I genuinely - without any hyperbole - would be totally fine with every member of the Black Eyed Peas being murdered for this atrocity. Their estates could be used to build shelters for the homeless, feed children in Africa, cure cancer.... there is literally no downside to their gruesome and unpleasant deaths. I think it might actually be cathartic for the human race as a whole.

Just as an additional sad epilogue to this tale, here's what the Black Eyed Peas were like when they first came out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Az1fr4BR8Ic

Now, is it good? Well, it runs out of lyrical steam almost immediately and it's still pretty derivative of other stuff going on in hip-hop at the time, which lends credence to the idea that William basically just does whatever he knows will make him money, but it's clear someone in the band had some concept of groove, rhythm, soul, harmony... where did they go? They appear to have been sacrificed on the altar of capitalism.

The Time (Dirty Bit) is why the terrorists hate us.
« Last Edit: June 02, 2013, 05:37:47 AM by The Region Legion »

Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #61 on: June 02, 2013, 06:23:47 AM »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Az1fr4BR8Ic

Now, is it good? Well, it runs out of lyrical steam almost immediately and it's still pretty derivative of other stuff going on in hip-hop at the time, which lends credence to the idea that William basically just does whatever he knows will make him money, but it's clear someone in the band had some concept of groove, rhythm, soul, harmony... where did they go? They appear to have been sacrificed on the altar of capitalism.

The Time (Dirty Bit) is why the terrorists hate us.
IIRC they weren't really affiliated with anyone (i.e. Hieroglyphics etc) either so artistically didn't sell out either. They weren't really popular with either pop or hip-hop fans so in a sense I can see why they decided to sell their soul from the conscious music they were making.

Johnny Townmouse

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Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #62 on: June 02, 2013, 11:22:49 AM »
The Region Legion, you make a compelling and well argued case.

Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #63 on: June 02, 2013, 12:00:01 PM »
Yes he does, Black Eyed Peas were nothing special even before Fergie, a poor man's J5 been kind, but since then its just been horrible, although I still think I Got A Feeling is their ultimate monstrosity.

Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #64 on: June 02, 2013, 12:23:31 PM »
Someone posted this interesting, if slightly obvious article about BEP: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702303720604575169933636121658.html

Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #65 on: June 02, 2013, 02:22:38 PM »
Basically anything by this woman.



I don't know what it is about her voice that annoys me so much but even if a tune of hers is on at a low volume it irritates me beyond belief. The production values of her "music" is universally awful, but not in a unique way so I'll let her off with that. Her voice on the other hand, it would be difficult to aptly describe how it annoys me without sounding like a lunatic or The Region Legion. Plus, when I used to go to nightclubs the odd time, my night would be ruined by the brutal, opressive claustrophobia of a tune like "Please Don't Stop The Music", please do stop the music (clever eh?) Rihanna because the dentist drill timbre of your voice coupled with whatever flavour of the month production beat that you've hitched your wagon to is giving me depression and a head ache. I wouldn't mind if it wasn't so ubiquitous, it's everywhere. The shops, the shitty night club, the bookies, the butcher, the quakers, the bakers, the candlestick makers. There's no escaping it. Aaaaaarrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

A tune where she asks a "Rude boy" if he's "big enough" is just pornographic filth for children. This produces unendurable moral conflict for some but clearly not for a singer who usually has to be persuaded to keep her clothes on. I challenge anyone to find a tune by this sucubus that is not complete agony to listen to.

I hate Rihanna like nazis.

Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #66 on: June 02, 2013, 02:37:38 PM »
Rihanna is responsible for some of the most miserable mainstream pop I have ever heard.

No, really. Go listen to some of her output, it is some fucking dreary shite.

Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #67 on: June 02, 2013, 02:42:24 PM »
I couldn't identify one of her songs, but I know what she looks like.

I'm fine with both of those things.

ThickAndCreamy

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Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #68 on: June 02, 2013, 03:18:48 PM »
This guy fits into the category of 'so bad it's hilarious'. I couldn't work out if he was serious for a while, but thankfully it seems he is.

The great R.A.E.D.

GIRL I NO U WANT ME BACK

NO MORE TEARS TO CRY

SPREAD UR LEGS OFFICIAL VIDEO CLIP
My god this is incredible. I love how youtube and easily accessible VST's now means virtually anyone can easily create music and post it online without any real quality control. It means gems like these can be made. The beats sound like someone just putting one track on top of another and hoping for the best. It's so warped and bizarre, the whole thing just sounds so confused and uncomfortable, like the product of someones night terrors.

Thomas

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Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #69 on: June 02, 2013, 03:25:41 PM »
Speaking of that kind of thing, here's a little ditty by your boy Bangs -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmJbJs-9ST0

Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #70 on: June 02, 2013, 03:30:31 PM »
I can out rubbish both those 2  who to be fair are massively entertaining rubbish!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgWgEoaAYDY

Subtle Mocking

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Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #71 on: June 02, 2013, 04:23:30 PM »
Rihanna is responsible for some of the most miserable mainstream pop I have ever heard.

No, really. Go listen to some of her output, it is some fucking dreary shite.

She's not as bad as Pink, but that isn't saying much.


Nmkl Pkjl Ftmsch

  • Bullied off the board by middle class hipster scum
Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #73 on: June 17, 2013, 08:47:21 PM »
Yellow Submarine by the Beatles.

It simply provokes nausea.

Big Jack McBastard

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Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #74 on: June 17, 2013, 09:29:22 PM »
I can out rubbish both those 2  who to be fair are massively entertaining rubbish!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgWgEoaAYDY

Got to say I love the lyric:

#You was on the dance-floor grindin'
wit a stripper ho named Diamon!#

It's like a Jerry Springer version of A Little Time by the Beautiful South.

Don_Preston

  • You should have bought me the truck, you fuck!
Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #75 on: June 17, 2013, 09:32:58 PM »


To be fair, you could take any quote out of context and apply it to an asinine lyric.

Big Jack McBastard

  • Dancing on unicorn bones.
Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #76 on: June 18, 2013, 03:19:34 AM »
We've already settled this question, and the answer is The Black Eyed Peas - The Time (Dirty Bit)

Yes, tis a vile thing, a grave misstep for mankind.

Imagine travelling in time and having our primitive ancestors hear and see that abomination first on our GalaxIpad and then witness them bash one and others heads in with whatever is to hand to prevent the inevitable insanity that clearly runs rampant in the future of their species, we fade into nothingness like Marty McFly.as "li-i-i-fe" echoes across the corpse strewn landscape.

Big Jack McBastard

  • Dancing on unicorn bones.
Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #77 on: June 18, 2013, 03:21:33 AM »
If we all vanish into nothingness at some point I know I'll be blaming the Black Eyed Peas.

Head Gardener

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Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #78 on: June 19, 2013, 07:14:21 PM »
this week I am mostly hating the new single by M.I.A.


Bobby Treetops

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Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #79 on: June 19, 2013, 07:50:21 PM »
After years of never having heard or thought about this steaming pile of a song, my brain suddenly curled this one out and I found myself humming Baby I Love Your Way by Big Mountain

After further investigation it was far far shiter than I remember it being.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWIxA7M_-ZA

Fucking trustafarians.

Subtle Mocking

  • fuck off
Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #80 on: June 19, 2013, 07:54:46 PM »
After years of never having heard or thought about this steaming pile of a song, my brain suddenly curled this one out and I found myself humming Baby I Love Your Way by Big Mountain

After further investigation it was far far shiter than I remember it being.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWIxA7M_-ZA

Fucking trustafarians.

The Peter Frampton original is standard late-70s pop fare, but it's infinitely better than that heap of shite http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8HTWZgd_UM

Big Jack McBastard

  • Dancing on unicorn bones.
Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #81 on: June 19, 2013, 07:55:55 PM »
After years of never having heard or thought about this steaming pile of a song, my brain suddenly curled this one out and I found myself humming Baby I Love Your Way by Big Mountain

After further investigation it was far far shiter than I remember it being.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWIxA7M_-ZA

Fucking trustafarians.

It's like you threw bleach in my brain and everything that implies.

Petey Pate

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Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #82 on: June 19, 2013, 11:17:44 PM »
Speaking of that kind of thing, here's a little ditty by your boy Bangs -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmJbJs-9ST0

Dying with laughter at this.  It should have been an Awesome Show: Great Job! sketch.

Unoriginal

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Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #83 on: June 19, 2013, 11:47:47 PM »
No song has angered me as much as the song I am about to post. I know a lot of people who love this band. A lot of people who are in their twenties. No excuse. Genocides have been committed over far less than the awful shit going on in the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wjFahULCK8

non capisco

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Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #84 on: June 20, 2013, 01:18:06 AM »
Baby I Love Your Way by Big Mountain

I've just remembered something I suspect was previously linked to on here that makes Big Mountain sound like the heaviest dub music ever made.

http://vimeo.com/1371512
Some pillocks called Hannah's Field with what may be the most self-conscious song in the history of music, 'Puff Puff Give'. There's a bongo-wielding individual in the early stages of the video whose "yeehhh, I'm smoking de erb mon" poses are not exactly ushered away from ridiculousness by the fact that he looks vaguely like a maniacal dreadlocked David Cross. Then at about 1'25" he decides it's time he brings something to the table. Viewer discretion advised.

Retinend

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Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #85 on: June 20, 2013, 01:36:34 PM »
No song has angered me as much as the song I am about to post. I know a lot of people who love this band. A lot of people who are in their twenties. No excuse. Genocides have been committed over far less than the awful shit going on in the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wjFahULCK8

That's one creepy first verse.

I also never heard "Rude Boy" until reading this thread. Is this third wave feminism?

BlodwynPig

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Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #86 on: June 20, 2013, 01:57:24 PM »
Hey Jude...tramp juice for the moronic proles.

Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #87 on: June 20, 2013, 02:08:56 PM »
I've just remembered something I suspect was previously linked to on here that makes Big Mountain sound like the heaviest dub music ever made.

http://vimeo.com/1371512
Some pillocks called Hannah's Field with what may be the most self-conscious song in the history of music, 'Puff Puff Give'. There's a bongo-wielding individual in the early stages of the video whose "yeehhh, I'm smoking de erb mon" poses are not exactly ushered away from ridiculousness by the fact that he looks vaguely like a maniacal dreadlocked David Cross. Then at about 1'25" he decides it's time he brings something to the table. Viewer discretion advised.

Ahaha, yes I remember these idiots. Who could forget the classic lyric "Music helps your mind/ Helps the blind/ Rocks DJs to rhyme on time"?

Kane Jones

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Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #88 on: June 20, 2013, 02:10:10 PM »
Hey Jude...tramp juice for the moronic proles.

Nah, that's that "SOOOOOOOO SALLY CAN WAIT" cunty anthem by Oasis.  A song written by cunts, for cunts and sung by drunk cunts in cunty pubs.  A cunt's anthem, if you will.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: The worst song you've ever heard
« Reply #89 on: June 20, 2013, 02:20:59 PM »
Nah, that's that "SOOOOOOOO SALLY CAN WAIT" cunty anthem by Oasis.  A song written by cunts, for cunts and sung by drunk cunts in cunty pubs.  A cunt's anthem, if you will.

Right up your street, by your own admission.