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March 29, 2024, 08:26:57 AM

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Rock Of Ages

Started by Noodle Lizard, June 25, 2013, 10:11:42 AM

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Noodle Lizard

Has anyone fucking seen this?  I've just watched it for the first time and I declare it to be one of the most catastrophically awful films of the last decade certainly, nearly surpassing 'Movie 43' in that regard, and doesn't quite get the reverence it deserves.

I haven't seen the stage show but honestly, who is this supposed to appeal to?  Fans of those 80s hair bands will hate it for bastardising their old favourites, fans of 'Glee' and other such shite will think it's too hardcore and even fans of any of the actors will hate it for making them look like absolute pillocks.  I can only assume its core fanbase comprises of people who hate music and want to see it die a brutal, merciless death.

As a film, it's appallingly-made too.  There are a few conversation scenes early on which have this really weird inhuman quality, as if they've been written, shot and acted by people experiencing the concept of speech for the first time.  Maybe they just rushed those scenes off at the beginning of production so they could cut straight to orchestrating some of the most staggeringly awful musical sequences imaginable - it's as if they learned how to make a musical by watching 'Cannibal! The Musical' but without any of the humour.

And it's fucking long, too.  Just as I thought it was entering its final act, I checked the progress bar and realised I was only about a third of the way through.  It doesn't help that whenever it's not laughably bad but just plain bad, it drags more than one of Gus Van Sant's experimental "shots of a bush".  Even at only two hours, it feels longer than 'Once Upon A Time In America'.  Torturous.

And fuck you, Bryan Cranston, you didn't need the money that much.

olliebean

I got free tickets to the stage show. It was essentially an excuse for a bunch of reasonably decent cover versions of classic rock songs. It didn't take itself too seriously, and was a good fun night at the theatre as long as you didn't expect anything too meaningful or reverent. I'd even go so far as to say Justin Lee Collins was good in it.

The film was horrible, though.