Could anyone do me a big massive favour? (Ziggy thread)

[small_world]

Ok, so, I booked a holiday, but the hotel I'm going to has had some seriously bad reviews. But we're all buckled in now, so can't really get away from it.
I did, however, come up with one little idea and that was to pretend to be someone from a travel company. I'd do that by way of flashing a business card to important people at the hotel.

Only problem, I don't work for a travel company. Yet!

What I've been trying to do, is to put together a business card that would be used by a famous online travel review company.
I've been monging wroning, all evening, but can't get anywhere. I'm using GIMP and it keeps crashing when I open fonts, it also blurs any resized images and I've genuinely had a pain since about 5pm.
So, I come here in desperation.

Could anyone PM me and let me know if they'd be up for a little photoshoppery/wronging challenge.
I'll go through the greater details via PM, including my ACTUAL NAME!!! and the company I'm looking to impersonate.
I've got the titles and words ready, it just needs a bit of forging.
I'll then print it out on to business card paper and then show it at the hotel and hopefully get a bit of a better holiday.

What's in it for you?
Well, we could see about that. I've got a good mouth[nb]actually just sickened myself[/nb], I would of course show you all the photos and where my forgery has managed to get us. If it's any good and actually works, who knows. Maybe I'd pay a subscription to this site for the person who helps.

Again, I know that this is a very cheeky request, but I'm on good faith here and hope one of you could see a way to really help a poor whore out.

Thanks for watching.