Christmas books

[Nmkl Pkjl Ftmsch]

Get ready to endure the dull-as-ditchwater prose style, overused exclamation marks and laddish innuendo of a comedy expert who really knows how to drain the joy out of any given subject as he presents the definitive guide to George and Mildred, a series that has long deserved a respectful reappraisal - which is a shame, because this is just another load of shoddily-researched, badly written tack designed in an afternoon by some fin-haired wanker who thinks plastering everything in eye-raping seventies colour schemes will add to the 'pleasingly retro feel' of the publication. Containing absolutely nothing you couldn't find out for yourself by watching the repeats on ITV3, Ross's latest arse paper looks set to please nobody at all.



"I've seen hours and hours of Q and it made me want to kill" and "I watched them recently and they were appalling" - just two of the gems of insightful criticism you will read in this radical (i.e. nobody with two brain cells to rub together will agree with a blind bloody word of it) re-evaluation of the television career of the Goonfather himself, written at very short notice by someone who looks like Tintin's gay (and ginger) half-brother to keep the money rolling in while he works on his definitive guide to Steve Coogan or some such shit. I Didn't Like This Old Fucker looks set to end up in charity shops as early as New Year's Eve, so place your order (for a different book) now!



Finally, rediscover the comedies that clueless shitheads everywhere dismiss as 'really dated and embarrassing actually' (whilst eagerly lapping up the latest blast of lukewarm excrement farted out by Gervais or the BBC3 fun factory because 'at least it's new') as Nmkl Pkjl Ftmsch (say his name out loud on Christmas morning and watch David Rappaport emerge from the Quality Street tin to deck you in the cunt!) presents a warm and affectionate look back at some of his favourite programmes of all time, before spoiling it halfway through by calling someone a pisscanoe. He gets back on track towards the end, though, with an in-depth examination of Spike Milligan's long-lost series The Melting Pot, providing

Spoiler alert

LFBarfe

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sends him the DVDs before the deadline date. Hours of fun for the entire family, providing the family in question is the Manson family.