You are running short on toilet paper. Buy some today.

[Replies From View]

Like me you probably spend more of your life on cookdandbombd than buying toilet paper.  This creates its own problems, I am sure you will agree.  I hope to resolve these by embroidering cookdandbombd within your toilet paper buying routine.

Simply bump this thread when its subject title becomes true, and never find yourself short of toilet paper ever again!

[canadagoose]

I'm really not, but it's an interesting idea!

[werfvgbhnj]

Or simply print this thread out.

[Replies From View]

Or simply print this thread out.

And ask Simon McCoy to clutch it on the news, yes.

[Birdie]

I'm surprised poo didn't start this thread.

[canadagoose]

I'm surprised poo didn't start this thread.

Nah, he would say something like "You are running short on eggs".

[biggytitbo]

I steal toilet paper from work, and use it to wipe this brown substance that insists on forming around a hole I keep in my bottom. I flush this substance down the lavatory in my flat pretty much every day, and I'm not proud of that fact and if the landlord ever finds out I'm out of here.

[Snobbish Puerile Wanker]

Nah, he would say something like "You are running short on eggs".

Well I am running late to eat an egg and bum some clowns. So that would be quite helpful.

Just bumping this thread posting because I actually am running low on loo roll.

[Pijlstaart]

I'm very conservative with my toilet paper, a real single square man, but you need a great consistency for that. As an undergraduate I lived in a 5-person flat and bought all the toilet paper, and the others would normally get through 5-7 rolls in a week. It was insane. Now that I do not have to share a toilet with other people I can see how long it takes me to go through toilet roll. I've got through less than a single roll in a month, so ha. At this rate I won't need toilet paper until christmas, and just ask someone to get me a twelve-pack as a present. Kick the boat out, make it three ply.

Don't leave your beaks lying around, gang, a clown might bum them.

[Kane Jones]

Now that I do not have to share a toilet with other people I can see how long it takes me to go through toilet roll. I've got through less than a single roll in a month, so ha.

I can only assume that you use old Marillion T-shirts to clear up your wank spunk. Am I right?

[Pijlstaart]

I can only assume that you use old Marillion T-shirts to clear up your wank spunk. Am I right?

I just aim into one my desk drawers. Got a lovely, deep pool in there. Could baptise someone in it.

[Kane Jones]

I just aim into one my desk drawers. Got a lovely, deep pool in there. Could baptise someone in it.

Ach, just spray it onto your stomach. Gives you something to pick at and possibly snack on if you get bored or peckish later on.

[acrow]

I've had pretty much condtant diaryreh for thr last 6 jonths or so. Just thr lsdt couple of days i've been shitting reasonably solif things without any blood or anything. That's when i startef worrying. I assume my body is just angry and pretending that it's all good.

Using a lot less loo roll though.

And once again, no blood!

[acrow]

I can't type.

[Replies From View]

I just aim into one my desk drawers. Got a lovely, deep pool in there. Could baptise someone in it.

Does it not harden?!

[Kane Jones]

Does it not harden?!

No, it's like candle wax. If you keep wanking into it, it keeps liquefying. Got to keep it warm though. Got to keep it warm.

[Rolf Lundgren]

I steal toilet paper from work, and use it to wipe this brown substance that insists on forming around a hole I keep in my bottom.

The real trick is always poo at work. The money you save is well worth the debilitating stomach cramps you get at the weekend.

[Kane Jones]

The real trick is always poo at work. The money you save is well worth the debilitating stomach cramps you get at the weekend.

Just shit in pub toilets at the weekend. Problem solved.

[shiftwork2]

I'm having a GTA5 weekend [nb]I'm not a savage, there's a domestic window pencilled in for 1200-1400 Sat[/nb]yet have less than a roll left.  What would you do?  Just press on and take a chance, or leave the house with all the dressing and shaving and showering that that fucking entails[nb]I hope I made the onerous nature of the second option obvious in that drawn-out sentence.[/nb]?

[Cerys]

Fuck's sake, RFV, could you not have started this last week?!

[Blumf]

I estimate that my toilet paper supplies can sustain me for another few weeks at current attrition rates.

However, this is a great place to ask the question; do toilet rolls still need their cardboard cores? I think we're paying for stuff we don't need like chumps. Core free toilet rolls now!

[Replies From View]

Fuck's sake, RFV, could you not have started this last week?!

Sorry.  I nearly did, as well.

[buttgammon]

Currently reading this on the toilet. It's all too late for me, sadly.

[poo]

I buy 48 rolls at a time from Costco.

[The Boston Crab]

Bidet sink

[Default to the negative]

I wouldn't be seen dead with a roll of toilet paper. I keep a tupperware box full of dung beetles in my shaving cabinet. Whenever a sludgy stool vandalises my ringpiece, I simply tip the tiny fellows into my cleft and they quickly carry all the shite away with the sort of efficiency and single-mindedness that only an insect can have. They roll up their little balls of muck and march towards the front door of the house in an orderly fashion, eventually disappearing under the gap. It's fascinating to watch. Fascinating.

[Replies From View]

I assume you have mirrors set up so that you can see them at work in your cleft?  Or do you only catch up with events as they begin their march towards the door?

[Default to the negative]

I assume you have mirrors set up so that you can see them at work in your cleft?

There's no need for that. There's a little thing that exists between me and my dung beetles. It's called trust.

[Replies From View]

I mean for the joy of seeing them, not to ensure they are not shirking.

[Mr Eggs]

Venezuela seizes toilet paper factory to avoid shortage

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-24185342

The National Guard has taken control of the plant, and officers will monitor production and distribution.

We will be next!