Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 28, 2024, 08:23:55 AM

Login with username, password and session length

You are running short on toilet paper. Buy some today.

Started by Replies From View, September 20, 2013, 09:35:58 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

thenoise

Quote from: Pijlstaart on September 20, 2013, 10:07:03 PM
I'm very conservative with my toilet paper, a real single square man, but you need a great consistency for that. As an undergraduate I lived in a 5-person flat and bought all the toilet paper, and the others would normally get through 5-7 rolls in a week. It was insane. Now that I do not have to share a toilet with other people I can see how long it takes me to go through toilet roll. I've got through less than a single roll in a month, so ha. At this rate I won't need toilet paper until christmas, and just ask someone to get me a twelve-pack as a present. Kick the boat out, make it three ply.

Don't leave your beaks lying around, gang, a clown might bum them.

I used to get through over one roll a week when I lived with a girl, now I'm lucky to finish one in a month.  I normally use a single double-sheet folded over, give it a really good wipe, fold over and a second one to buff and finish.  Goodness knows what women do with it all, some kind of women's thing I should imagine.

Mind you, she did have an impeccably clean bum hole.  *sigh*

Vodka Margarine

They've all got impeccably clean bum holes by the time etc.


FredNurke

All those bog rolls, and the filthy bastard's still wiping his arse on the mat.


Replies From View

Quote from: FredNurke on September 21, 2013, 08:19:48 PM
All those bog rolls, and the filthy bastard's still wiping his arse on the mat.

I can imagine that when a person has that many bog rolls they'd take them so for granted that they'd forget they were there.

BlodwynPig

I went to the supermarket today, prompted by this thread...and guess what...I forgot to buy the bog roll.

Kane Jones

Quote from: BlodwynPig on September 21, 2013, 11:20:35 PM
I went to the supermarket today, prompted by this thread...and guess what...I forgot to buy the bog roll.

*choh* You absolute twat.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Kane Jones on September 21, 2013, 11:22:19 PM
Choh.. You absolute twat.

You been on the aggressive cider?

I'll just buy some tomorrow, still got a roll left. Just I like to have at least a spare tyre in the locker.

Birdie

Tell you what, bloody men and kids never restock the toilet roll basket in the bathroom AND when they finish a roll, do they put it in the bin?  No, they put it back in the toilet roll basket.

I could SCREAM.

Oh yeah, and unroll your socks and put your shirt sleeves in the right way before you put them in the laundry basket.

Baskets.

Blumf

Quote from: BlodwynPig on September 21, 2013, 11:20:35 PM
I went to the supermarket today, prompted by this thread...and guess what...I forgot to buy the bog roll.

You've let yourself down. You've let your family down. You've let the hard working toilet roll manufactures of Great Britain down. But most of all, you've let you pants down.


thenoise

Quote from: Birdie on September 21, 2013, 11:28:15 PM
Tell you what, bloody men and kids never restock the toilet roll basket

The what now?

QuoteOh yeah, and unroll your socks and put your shirt sleeves in the right way before you put them in the laundry basket.

I always wrap up my undies and socks in my shirt to make a little parcel, which I then place in the washing basket.  It's a habit I picked up off my Dad, who is also an annoying mantm.  Used to drive my mum potty.

Of course I'm the one who has to sort my laundry into darks/lights come the weekend, due to being a perpetually single loser liberated modern man.  So, yeah, bog roll.

Birdie


Replies From View

Quote from: Birdie on September 22, 2013, 05:32:34 AM
You know, something like this:


They're all at the bottom by the time I've finished with them.

Kane Jones

Quote from: BlodwynPig on September 21, 2013, 11:23:57 PM
You been on the aggressive cider?

Sorry about that, Blodders. I'd had a couple of glasses of cheeky water.

Shoulders?-Stomach!


Blue Jam


Replies From View


alan nagsworth

What the fuck is that thing, some kind of Amish Fleshlight? Fair play to 'em, I guess everyone gets lonely, even the most righteous.

Birdie

Well, where does everyone else keep their spare toilet rolls??

I'm feeling like a freak.  A well organised freak.

Blumf

Zeno's toilet roll: Just use half the sheets to wipe that you did on your last movement. Hey presto! Your toilet roll never runs out.

Replies From View

Quote from: Blumf on September 23, 2013, 11:19:55 AM
Zeno's toilet roll: Just use half the sheets to wipe that you did on your last movement. Hey presto! Your toilet roll never runs out.

That's a good idea, actually.  I tried once to achieve something similar by folding my toilet paper into a Möbius strip, but all that happened was shit covered the entire loop instantaneously, inside and out, and my hands ended up coated in the stuff.  I hadn't thought it through!  I must have looked like a right pillock sitting there.

I will definitely try your suggestion.

Replies From View

Quote from: Birdie on September 23, 2013, 11:06:27 AM
Well, where does everyone else keep their spare toilet rolls??

I don't have any spare toilet rolls because I am not dead yet.  I'll tell you on my death bed which ones ended up unused and where they happened to be.

Birdie

Quote from: Replies From View on September 23, 2013, 11:35:36 AM
I don't have any spare toilet rolls because I am not dead yet.  I'll tell you on my death bed which ones ended up unused and where they happened to be.

What when a guest calls and they use the last bit of paper on the roll?  Do they have to yell out for you to bring them some more?  Or do you provide them with a 'guest roll' they have to take with them?

Why is everyone so adverse to a nice basket for corralling your toilet rolls until they are needed?  They like it in there.

Replies From View

Quote from: Birdie on September 23, 2013, 11:40:25 AM
What when a guest calls and they use the last bit of paper on the roll?

Ah yes - I call those "next rolls" rather than "spares", you see.  "Spares" are by definition never used, and as I have never found a reason to keep toilet rolls purely as spares I have done away with storing them altogether.

As for my "next rolls" - well I keep those in the future until they are needed.

Blue Jam

Bog rolls here come in packs of twelve. TWELVE. Who the fuck needs twelve toilet rolls in the house, apart from perhaps LA Beast?

SetToStun

Quote from: Birdie on September 23, 2013, 11:40:25 AMWhat when a guest calls and they use the last bit of paper on the roll?  Do they have to yell out for you to bring them some more?  Or do you provide them with a 'guest roll' they have to take with them?

We, over here in the 21st century, tend to prefer a simple, upright pole on which to store our replacement loo rolls - not some sort of woven basket imposed, no doubt, by the raffia mafia.



That style of thing.

Quote from: Birdie on September 23, 2013, 11:40:25 AMWhy is everyone so adverse to a nice basket for corralling your toilet rolls until they are needed?  They like it in there.

Averse - the word is averse. Gah - that's nearly as bad as the less/fewer clusterfuck I keep seeing!

Replies From View

Quote from: SetToStun on September 23, 2013, 01:42:19 PM


That style of thing.

Just be sure to pull your trousers back up before casually stumbling backwards.

SetToStun

I keep mine fully stocked to the top with toilet rolls. I have to stumble backwards really hard.