Things that are mildly irritating

[Bilko]

The fucking BT ad with Jeremy Cuntson in.  It's bad enough having Cuntson in but it's what he's paid to say that irritates me.  

'Ever notice that some companies look after new customers more than existing one's... blah blah ...BT look after their existing customers,....blah blah blah.....not just the Johnny come lately's, blah blah bus lanes, speed cameras'

Mmmmmmmmmmmm, BT eh, the same BT that offers NEW users an internet connection of £3.99 for the first 3 months and the NORMAL price £15.99 every month after that which every other fucking EXISTING customers pay every month.  

FUCKING BOLLOCKS, BALLS, BALLS, BALLS, DOUBLE BALLS AND BOLLOCKS

[Pinball]

Pinball you need to get yourself down to your nearest Majestic and buy in crates as you anticipate you'll want it, everything "good" is imported properly. A crate of 24 bottles of Asahi is £15.84, for example. And you can't beat Asahi.

Edit: Just checked their website, Castle is the same as that, San Miguel is £17.28.

Erm, I don't work for Majestic or anything...

Ah yes must get down there again! They've got Samuel Adams, the malty US beer that is incredibly difficult to find in the UK and is delicious. I usually buy from Makro as it's wholesale, though their range of beers can leave a lot to be desired.

You get Sam Adams at Makro??! That stuff is wonderful. I thought you could only get it in speciality American bars. Well, I'll have to renew my membership now.

Anybody know where I can get Moosehead?

No Sam Adams isn't (sadly) available at Makro, but is at Majestic. Apparently the distributor for Sam Adams does supply Makro with other beers like Spitfire and other headache-inducing "English beers", so it's possible that Makro will at some stage sell it...

There was a similar malty beer to Sam Adams in New Orleans. Can't remember the name right now, but twas nice.

On a related theme, I'd like to be able to buy Mountain Dew in the UK, and Wendys fast food. Not often, mind, just once to remember how unhealthy it is :-)

[phes]

This was more than mildly irritating, really pissed me off in fact.
Today I am due to send a sampler to a chap who's playing a gig tomorrow night,in which he plans to use the equiptment. I got out of bed, EARLY, and went to work via a co-op, now a base for what had been about 3 local post offices in the recent past. I needed to buy parcel paper but the post office counter at the rear of the shop doesn't sell goods, other than stamps. I was a little surprised and the lady directed me to the co-op side of the shop, who stock goods. But, you guessed it. No parcel paper. So I'm in a post office, that can't send a parcel for me. They redirect me to the town centre branch ( 1 1/2 miles )
or to WHSmith ( 1 1/2 miles ). When I politely pointed out that It seemed a little odd, a Post Office with no brown paper, they told me it was simply down to the delivery company not delivering on time and that this was something that all Post Offices would experience. That's just a fucking lie, surely, any post office with even the most basic common sense would have that under control. Several years ago, a Post Office not stocking brown paper would be akin to a butcher with no meat.

It just really pissed me off that the Royal mail doesn't even have control over the sale of the very goods that are such an obviously important part of their service. The fucks closed down the other two in the area, so there's no-where within walking distance.

I think I'm just having a terrible morning, and I know she earns peanuts for a shit job,but I really gave the poor woman in there an ear bashing.

" I'ts about cutting overheads, so that you can send your parcel cheaper "

Hmmm, anyone spot the flaw there.

Time wasted - 1/2 hour.
Lunch break   - In taxi.
Taxi Fare - £5. 80

[chand]

It just really pissed me off that the Royal mail doesn't even have control over the sale of the very goods that are such an obviously important part of their service. The fucks closed down the other two in the area, so there's no-where within walking distance.

I was reading a thread on a different board complaining about the 'socialist demolition of Britain' (all very Peter Hitchens), which seemed a bit bizarre since some of our biggest community problems (the closing of libraries, post offices and so on) are the result of capitalism rather than evil socialism. The Post Office near me closed down to become a fireworks shop (!) for 2 months and now it's an Equestrian shop selling horsewhips to 9-year-old girls. It's not so bad for me cos I'm young and reasonably healthy and live fairly near another Post Office, but I feel really sorry for the local elderly people who now have to walk an extra mile or two to get their pension or whatever.

[Pinball]

but I feel really sorry for the local elderly people who now have to walk an extra mile or two to get their pension or whatever.

Well I guess it'll keep them healthy (if they don't keel over like Dead Dad). Or they can get a direct credit set up for the pension. Poor old buggers. But what about us when we retire? Actually, forget that, 'cos we'll never retire will we? They'll keep raising the retirement age until either a) statistically you'll be likely to die before reaching retirement age or 2) you'll be stricken with poverty if you retire. Hmmm, my sympathy for the current batch of eldsters begins to diminish...

[Pinball]

Two more to add:

People who jet wash their brand new BMW right next to you at the garage, while you're filling up, when their car isn't even dirty!

At work, people who empty the kettle and don't refill it. I always refill and switch on for the next person, and it really pisses me off when others leave it empty.

[Bilko]

I feel really sorry for the local elderly people who now have to walk an extra mile or two to get their pension or whatever.

It's a good opportunity for the teenage scumers to rob them, they don't have to wait for them outside the post office anymore, they got a greater distance to wait and ambush them.

[Pinball]

Are old people incapable of having a bank account into which their pension could be wired? How we ever won the war I'll never know..

[Joy Nktonga]

Are old people incapable of having a bank account into which their pension could be wired?

Pensioners don't  like banks.

[Morrisfan82]

People on the street who don't understand the following concept: Me + wearing headphones = cannot hear you.

People who don't understand the further concept that *just perhaps* I'm wearing headphones because I really enjoy listening to music and furthermore do not ever want to be disturbed whilst travelling from A to B via public transport/my feet.

Edit: and people handing out the Metro can fuck off too.

[VorpalSword]

mine are mainly customer related:

1) Waiting until the end of the transaction to begin packing their shopping. Oh yes, thanks for that. Now I have to do my apologetic face for the next customer, who'll probably do the same thing.

2)"Oh, these bags are difficult, aren't they?" No. No, not really. If you were to just stop trying to open it from the BOTTOM, you'd be just fine. But then again, I'm no fucking expert.

3) "Ok, this is a saver card". Yes, I fucking know, I see about seven hundred of them every day. Thanks for the info though, I'll file that away in the "I'm going to charge you double" cabinet.

4)"I've only got a £50 cheque guarantee card...can I write two cheques?" Do you actually have any grasping of an idea as to how this system works?

5) "Ok sir, that'll be forty-two pence" "I've only got a twenty pound note, I can give you five pence with it, though."

6) And here's a tip for anyone reading. If someone helping you has a nametag, you do not have any legal or moral responsibilty to go "Thanks for the help......Kyle"

EDITED FOR POOR SPELLING.

[Emergency Lalla Ward Ten]

People who talk on their mobile phones in public BUT AREN'T EMBARRASSED.

And people who continue having conversations on them while paying for stuff in shops. Subtext: 'I'm such a busy, multi-tasking, executive media arsehole that I don't even acknowledge that cashiers are human beings - bet you're all really impressed...'

Mobile-phone users are irritating anyway. I think it's because you know, as you walk past one, that they might start suddenly shouting.

People who make a 'harassed' face while biting into a sandwich.

I sat opposite one cunt on the tube yesterday who, having eaten a banana (Irritating in itself), left the skin on the seat when he got off. I cannot get my head around how people can do that. Who does he think is going to pick it up?  I know I sound like a letter to Woman's Weekly when I say this, but how can people NOT BE AWARE that this is wrong? What's going on in their brains? I'd love to have had the balls to ask him.

Has anyone ever hissed 'Shut the FUCK up!' at a crisp-muncher in the cinema? I've always wondererd what would happen if I did that. Would they tell me to fuck off, or would they just be stunned?

[falafel]

Ah, the trusty clarion call of the Leeds urchin:

B'g'shoo'may.... B'g'shoo... Gwan, 's'f'm'dinner... B'g'shoo...

Towards the end of the day it turns into "bshoo" and then fades to nothing.

Only mildly annoying, cause I know that some of them at least are doing it for real (the fakers who wander around with one shabby stolen copy and no nametag can fuck right off. Actually, there's one woman in Leeds centre that wanders around going "Big issue.. come on, be nice to me, be nice" in the most whiney, horrible voice that I just want to cave her head in with a little toffee hammer...

...Well, not really, but I want to shout at her a bit. "Why don't you do something nice for me: fuck off, you stupid bint!").

[falafel]

Call me a freak, but I quite the rain.

[typopedant]How does one do that, exactly?[/typopedant]

[Morrisfan82]

Has anyone ever hissed 'Shut the FUCK up!' at a crisp-muncher in the cinema? I've always wondererd what would happen if I did that. Would they tell me to fuck off, or would they just be stunned?

I involuntarily yelled it over the partition at someone I don't know in work who was incessantly whistling like a overbearing self-concious noise-polluting cunt. It's not exactly the same social context, but he stopped whistling. For an afternoon.

I sat opposite one cunt on the tube yesterday who, having eaten a banana (Irritating in itself), left the skin on the seat when he got off. I cannot get my head around how people can do that. Who does he think is going to pick it up?  I know I sound like a letter to Woman's Weekly when I say this, but how can people NOT BE AWARE that this is wrong? What's going on in their brains? I'd love to have had the balls to ask him.

I was mulling over the idea of starting a thread about the burgeoning subculture of arrogance recently, prompted in part by Loud Unfunny Provocative I'm-The-Best-Me Black Man on the bus. Yeah mate, pretending you don't have a ticket and going "you're gonna give me a free ride" to wind the driver up is wicked. Asking/pleading/being a whining/borderline-threatening cunt about trying to get him to drop you off somewhere that the bus doesn't stop cos you can't be fucked to walk 50 yards is also wicked mate. Safe, G. You fucking pointless asshole.

[VorpalSword]

racist

[Jemble Fred]

People who slurp their tea then, with their eyes half-closed in ecstasy, let out a long sigh: "Aaaaaaah."

You're drinking a cup of bloody tea, not getting a fucking blow-job!

People who repeat bits of David Baddiel's old material word-for-word, when the original material should actually go straight into the 'Erroneous jokes' thread in CC anyway. Hot tea into body = exhalation. Jesus.

[The Man With Brass Eyes]

People with affected hairstyles, especially those with "trendy mullets" and those with dual-tone highlights.

I really want to cause damage to those people whenever I see them about the place.

and people with "FCUK" t-shirts, especially the "FCUK Fashion" one.

[TraceyQ]

People with affected hairstyles, especially those with "trendy mullets" and those with dual-tone highlights.

Lalalalalalalalalala

[TJ]

People you don't know who insist on trying to have a conversation about *nothing* with you when you've made it quite clear that you're not in the mood to talk.

[notnotnatnats]

and people with "FCUK" t-shirts, especially the "FCUK Fashion" one.

I had a tshirt with 'FUCK FASHION' on it, and some girl came up to me and said "Oh, I can tell thats a fake right, cos the letters are the wrong way round" Moron.

[The Man With Brass Eyes]

dual-tone highlights.

Lalalalalalalalalala

ah. I mean in association with the affected hairstyle.  you're not on the list.  you're not trendy.

[dan dirty ape]

The 'aren't foreigners funny?' Banzai rip-off reverse auction competiton advert on shit freeview music channel 'The Hits', on twice every fucking break, breaks after about every two videos. 'How do you pray this clazy auction?' etc. etc.

[MrManson]

mine are mainly customer related:

1) Waiting until the end of the transaction to begin packing their shopping. Oh yes, thanks for that. Now I have to do my apologetic face for the next customer, who'll probably do the same thing.

2)"Oh, these bags are difficult, aren't they?" No. No, not really. If you were to just stop trying to open it from the BOTTOM, you'd be just fine. But then again, I'm no fucking expert.

3) "Ok, this is a saver card". Yes, I fucking know, I see about seven hundred of them every day. Thanks for the info though, I'll file that away in the "I'm going to charge you double" cabinet.

4)"I've only got a £50 cheque guarantee card...can I write two cheques?" Do you actually have any grasping of an idea as to how this system works?

5) "Ok sir, that'll be forty-two pence" "I've only got a twenty pound note, I can give you five pence with it, though."

6) And here's a tip for anyone reading. If someone helping you has a nametag, you do not have any legal or moral responsibilty to go "Thanks for the help......Kyle"

EDITED FOR POOR SPELLING.

Fuck yeah! You've just reminded me why I'm not going to ask for my job at Iceland back:)

[MrManson]

Shit video shops;

In my area, we have two video shops. One is a Global and the other is just a little independant one. Both are shit.

I asked in both if they have 'The Godfather' in, que blank stares. I asked for Scent Of A Woman, wearily incase the goon behind their counter thought it was a porn flick. The old woman behind the local shop's counter said no, but recognized it was Pacino, which shows there is hope?

[Schlippy]

When 2 of the 3 GPs at your local health centre decide to go on holiday at the same time, meaning that _all_ appointments get scrapped and if you want to see the doctor (even for a poxy fucking repeat prescription) you have to take the day off work and sit around from half eight in the morning with a load of malingering dole scum, without any assurance you're even going to get to see the fucking doctor, while your thyroid gland (now free from its chemical shackles) pumps out its evil hormones at 20 to the dozen making you sweat and shake like a fucking junkie or something.

Then being told, after spending best part of six hours surrounded by screaming brats and coughing pensioners, that the doctor's not seeing any more patients today and you'll have to come back on Monday and go through the whole frigging rigmarole again, with no meds (not even poxy bastard beta-blockers) to get you through the weekend.

Actually, scratch the "mildly", this is brutally-assault-the-first-stranger-you-meet irritating. I pay taxes why, exactly?

[Emergency Lalla Ward Ten]

Shit video shops

You should use online places, particularly these guys: http://www.moviechoices.com/shop.asp

£10 a month, and you can rent as many films as you can get through. The disadvantage is that you can't request specific films for specific days (you give them a wants list of about 30 titles and they post them according to availability), but I quite like the surprise of not knowing what's coming next.

The range is the main selling point though. Almost every commercially available DVD is on their books.

I don't work for them, promise.

[El Unicornio, mang]

People who talk on their mobile phones in public BUT AREN'T EMBARRASSED.

?

Why should people be embarrassed by this?
I remember one time I was on a train and there was this old American couple sat behind me, talking loudly, and behind them there was a girl talking to her friend on her phone. The American bloke turned round and goes "DON'T YOU SEE THE SIGN?? CONSIDERATION FOR OTHERS!"  and then continued to talk to his wife louder than the girl had been talking on her phone.

[VegaLA]

Funnily enough, my mate's brother was raving about Samuel Adams at the weekend. I'd seen in in Majestic before but I'm never in the mood to buy English Ales from there... and I always just assumed by the box that that's what it was! I'm going to have to try it now.

Samuel adams... always a good choice !!
Those commercials irritate me !!

[Gazeuse]

Something has been worrying me for a while.

It's one of those First Alternative advert with Michael Winner.

Now I rather like old Michael...I've mentioned before that I find the way his little face wrinkles up when he smiles most amusing.

Anyway, he does this ad where he's in front of a country pile with a few cards and a blonde lady. These are my problems...

1) He cuts the lady off in mid-sentence..."I'm not your..." she goes, but it's plain in her 'acting' that she isn't going to finish the sentence. Very badly done...And then...

2) She pops behind his back and emerges with a sign. Now I'd say that her motivation would be to be irritated with Michael for dismissing her so abruptly (Perhaps Partridge could help us out with the thespian details), but no...She is smiling...Broadly.

That irritates me mildly.