What do you never wish to see in a movie again?

[Dusty Substance]

Just thought of something else:

Star Wars references, homages and jokes.

This was quite trendy in the 90s, what with Kevin Smith and Spaced, but since the last of the prequels came referencing Star Wars is simply no longer interesting or original. The original film is 36 years old now, surely every joke that can be done has been done.

[Famous Mortimer]

See also :Cabin In The Woods, a film that fully recognises all the horror conventions and still doesn't manage to rise above them except for the nutty last ten minutes.

Spoiler alert

They're in the lift to go down to the base at about 1:05, so that last half an hour is pretty unlike anything I've seen in horror films.

[close]

I think it was a fantastic  film, and not only subverted the conventions of horror films but made me look at all other horror films in a different light. There is, I suppose, a fairly big coincidence in there (

Spoiler alert

"The Fool" managing to fall into the grave that had the entrance to the base in it

[close]

) but maybe we mean different things by "rise above horror conventions". Ah well, still absolutely loved it.

[Mister Six]

Yeah, The Cabin in the Woods is a genuinely brilliant film. Fuck the haters.

[GeeWhiz]

I never want to see another trailer for a sexy-but-violent flick using Death in Vegas' 'Dirge' on the soundtrack. Horrendously overplayed.

[Glebe]

Was unfortunately subjected to a chunk of family comedy Old Dogs during my tea last night. It almost put me off Robin Williams for good. Almost.

[katzenjammer]

Generally, outdated technology references, specifically:

That thing where they keep the person on the phone as long as possible to trace the call. 

Computers that go beep whenever someone presses a key.

Somebody having to lift their shirt to prove they're not 'wearing a wire'

[Blumf]

Generally, outdated technology references, specifically:

It was odd towards the end of the 90s, where mobile phones we getting fairly common, in the movies the most you saw was somebody using a pager, with the occasional brick sized phone.

Also, whilst watching the remake of the Quatermass Experiment a few years back, it struck me how much tension in the story would be lost with access to things like mobile phones. Left me wondering how you'd do that story in a modern setting.

[Spiteface]

People who end phone calls without saying Bye.

People who recieve calls and pick up saying anything other than "Hello?"

[katzenjammer]

Left me wondering how you'd do that story in a modern setting.

It's lazy writing, they should be able to make their story fit the modern world and its technology, not the other way around.

[Thursday]

Yeah, The Cabin in the Woods is a genuinely brilliant film. Fuck the haters.

I never wish to see the phrase "Fuck the haters" used unironically on this board again.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Marlon Brando covering his cock with butter and shoving it up some poor woman's arse.

[Queneau]

• A person leaving a room, usually slamming a door, and the other person thinking that there is no way they could possibly chase after them.
• A subtitle to mark the passing of time.
• Judi Dench.

[clingfilm portent]

Vampires[nb]when, instead of being undead creatures of the night that will tear your throat, are young, model-attractive and almost certainly American. No more. Just no more. We had The Lost Boys and Near Dark, that'll do.[/nb]

[Paaaaul]

Spoiler alert

They're in the lift to go down to the base at about 1:05, so that last half an hour is pretty unlike anything I've seen in horror films.

[close]

I think it was a fantastic  film, and not only subverted the conventions of horror films but made me look at all other horror films in a different light. There is, I suppose, a fairly big coincidence in there (

Spoiler alert

"The Fool" managing to fall into the grave that had the entrance to the base in it

[close]

) but maybe we mean different things by "rise above horror conventions". Ah well, still absolutely loved it.

The conceit is fantastic, but I don't think the execution is that good. The dialogue is almost uniformly awful and the acting is ropey. You could argue that it was deliberate (tho' I don't think it was) as it fit with the aesthetic, but if that's the case then they've deliberately made two thirds of a horrible film and upped the game for a great thirty minutes at the end. As you said, the last section is half an hour, but I felt it was a lot shorter probably because the preceding bit dragged, due to it being almost entirely the formula it aimed to spoof but with a few cutaways.
I didn't particularly like the Scream films either, I think, because they were aimed at people who had seen a handful of horror films rather than a real horror film fan. Just pointing out stuff that happens in horror films in a horror film isn't enough to interest me. I want a film that is trying to make a comment on horror cinema to go deeper and The Cabin In The Woods only does that

Spoiler alert

(LITERALLY!)

[close]

in the last act.

Yeah, The Cabin in the Woods is a genuinely brilliant film. Fuck the haters.

Fuck people with binary arguments.
I don't hate it at all, if you were referring to me. I've seen it three times and have encouraged friends to watch it, but I find it very flawed.

[Povidone]

• Judi Dench.

On that note I'd like to add Jim fucking Broadbent. It's not entirely true to say he's in everything, it just seems that way. Still, fuck off.

[mothman]

Somebody having to lift their shirt to prove they're not 'wearing a wire'

Which reminds me - unless someone else has already done this and I missed it; it's certainly a trope - I'm fed up of the "supposedly-shot-dead person opening their shirt to reveal the bulletproof vest underneath, usually with bullets embedded artistically in it" scene. Mind you, I'm not sure how you would be meant to react to the aftermath of such a brush with death. Or depict it otherwise on film...

[Frazer]

Villains explaining their evil plan to their archenemy instead of SHOOTING THEM IN THE HEAD! Then chopping off their head and pouring salt on the stump!

007? They'd be on to agent 700 by now if the bad guys weren't in love with the sound of their own voice.

[Bored of Canada]

On that note I'd like to add Jim fucking Broadbent. It's not entirely true to say he's in everything, it just seems that way. Still, fuck off.

He's redeemed any overexposure or ill-will from me because of this one line:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHgpklQc34I

[DukeDeMondo]

"Quentin Tarantino Presents"

[SteveDave]

Marky fucking Mark

[Dusty Substance]

Villains explaining their evil plan to their archenemy instead of SHOOTING THEM IN THE HEAD! Then chopping off their head and pouring salt on the stump!

007? They'd be on to agent 700 by now if the bad guys weren't in love with the sound of their own voice.

Agreed.

All those Bond-esque cliches ought to have died with the popularity of Austin Powers. Once a film or genre is spoofed, that really ought to be the end of it.

Something else I've become totally tired of seeing in films in recent years are Russian gangsters. Cronenberg's brilliant Eastern Promises was one of the very, very few films that dealt well with this trend, but it's been overdone and Я никогда не хочу видеть его снова.

[Dusty Substance]

People who end phone calls without saying Bye.

Yes. Not only do they seldolm say "bye" they'll be saying the last few words of the phone conversation as they move the reciever from their head to the phone. So not only they not say "bye" the person on the other end doesn't even get to hear the last couple of words.

[non capisco]

'Creepy' kids running about in the background going "hee hee hee". Scuttle off for good, you boring little pricks.

[Bored of Canada]

Yes. Not only do they seldolm say "bye" they'll be saying the last few words of the phone conversation as they move the reciever from their head to the phone. So not only they not say "bye" the person on the other end doesn't even get to hear the last couple of words.

I really love the ingenius pay-off in the sequel of Crank for the climactic phone call to Jason Statham's Girlfriend.

In Crank 1:

Spoiler alert

He falls to his death from a helicopter, after beating a man to death in mid-air. Now accepting that he's going to die, he rings up his girlfriend and leaves a message on her answering machine, telling her he loves her, as he speeds towards the pavement from hundreds of kilometres above.

[close]

In Crank 2:

Spoiler alert

He survives. Inexplicably. And his girlfriend confronts him about just disappearing with no contact. Confused, Jason Statham asks her if she received her message, at which point it quick cuts to the answering machine as he rings her, and it's literally just the sound wind roaring, BECAUSE HE'S FALLING OUT OF A FUCKING HELICOPTER.

[close]

Absolutely brilliant.

[Brundle-Fly]

Lens flare and blooper reels in Pixar/Dreamworks films. Stop confusing children.

Actually, lens flare is a funny old affair. Why do DOP's deliberately leave it in? I know it makes a sunny scene look a lot more sunny with all the spots dancing across the screen, but it is a technical error when you think about it.  If you're announcing to the viewer "this is shot on film" then you might as well show the boom mike coming into shot and Tom Hanks going through his lines in the background too.

Here is an example with Jim fucking Broadbent.

[Chichester Cathedral]

"Directed by JJ Abrams"

"Screenplay: Damon Lindelof"

The latter in particular is an awful hack who ruins absolutely every script he comes into contact with. Of course even though he has a complete tin ear for dialogue and a tin brain for plot and characterisaton, the films he works on are so big that they don't even need a coherent script to make megabucks, so his career remains unruined.

What's worse is that both fuckers know exactly how derided their work is, so they've taken to writing passive-aggressive woe-is-me pieces online about what punching bags they are, in a lame attemp to elicit sympathy. They're not being unfaily picked on; the criticism they receive is proportional to the shitness of their work.

And I'm not some bitter Lost fan holding an unfair grudge; every credit Lindelof has to his name has been a load of tosh. The latter half of Lost, and specifically the finale, shit. Cowboys and Aliens, shit. Prometheus, shit. As for World War Z, that only seems good in comparison to the massive disaster everyone was expecting, it's not actually a very good film. And the specific part Lindelof worked on, the third act, is the weakest and most rushed part of the film. The man is rubbish.

[Eis Nein]

At the end of Super 8, Abram's dessicated, peril-free aping of Spielberg, there's a final flourish of lens flare that almost makes the film marginally worthwhile. Two specks of blue dance around the eyes of Joe T.V. McSingle-Dad, which if you squint makes him look like an alien, an alien that orchestrated the whole tiresome shebang.

British culture is awash with American influences. People are always stepping up to plates, giving it the old college try and whatnot. There are three unconquered redoubts. Back gardens: yards are for storing building goods and marshalling trains. 30 mins: always half an hour, never a half-hour. And somewhere: always somewhere, never someplace. So when an English scientist speaks to his English/French daughter in a Commonwealth nation at the beginning of Prometheus, even if he's for some reason spouting Lindelof's theological melting pot spiel, it's clear the man hasn't the first fucking clue about 'owt.

[neveragain]

I really love the ingenius pay-off in the sequel of Crank for the climactic phone call to Jason Statham's Girlfriend.

That's terrific! I don't know if I'd enjoy the films though, do they display such comedic knowingness throughout or are they just the brainless action tat I assumed they would be?

Also, Eis Nein: fine point about Prometheus, although I had no clue where you going until I got to the end.

[Eis Nein]

At least it occurs at the start, so you can brace yourself.

My reaction to Alien and The Thing is similar to the effect Star Wars had on Simon Pegg, and I've gone to bat for Scott throught the '90s and '00s, but Prometheus is sunk by more than script and story. Showing the aftermath of an event, then a CG recreation, narrated by the cast: did he ever know what he was doing, or rather not doing?

[Famous Mortimer]

That's terrific! I don't know if I'd enjoy the films though, do they display such comedic knowingness throughout or are they just the brainless action tat I assumed they would be?

They're two of my favourite films ever. That comedic knowingness is all the way through both films, and it's like all the insanest bits from the insanest computer game ever, played at 10000mph.

There's an episode of "How Did This Get Made?" which is an extended interview with one of Neveldine / Taylor, and it's got lots of interesting stuff about their process in it. I just love the Cranks so much.