Bleak Facebook Statuses

[BlodwynPig]

What is the right way, into a shotgun?

Harsh. She's entertaining, witty and smart.

[Steven]

Harsh. She's entertaining, witty and smart.

That's funny, I call my shotgun 'She' too.

[BlodwynPig]

That's funny, I call my shotgun 'She' too.

I hope you never have your dreams smashed by some rude person.

Shame on you.

Shame.

[23 Daves]

Just saw this birthday greeting on Facebook:

Dear Kind Lady!!! Wishing You! The Happiest of Very Happy Years and Solar Returns!!! Have Lots of Fun!!! Love a Lot and Keep Looking Up!!!

What could be wrong with that, you might ask. Well, the person in question still has an active Facebook profile, but actually hung herself last year. News of that clearly didn't reach the well-wisher above.

Odds-on he puts that on everyone's wall when it's their birthday as well...

[holyzombiejesus]

My local town has a Facebook page where people generally call each other cunts and complain that there isn't a Greggs. This heartwarming little exchange just popped up...

Person A: Just called at Lidl. Amazed to see a Woman trying to drive round the Car Park whilst using a Mobile Phone.Wish I had taken her Reg. No.

Person B: Morning Person A.
On the 20th November it will be four years since you called to see me.
How are you getting on?

Person A: Hi Person B, Didn't recognise the name change. My words time does fly, I can't believe that it is four years since I came to your house. I am doing alright I suppose, feeling my age more now. I will be 80 in January. Why do you not pop up and see me if you are in Todmorden.

Person B: Yes four years ago Person A, my wife died later that day.
I have rung you recently but no answer and I didn't leave a message.


A little further down, a lady joins the conversation...

Lady: I think you need to thank the lady on the mobile...it sounds like she may just have initiated a re-kindled friendship between 2 old friends ;) I do understand though even though it's been said it's private property that doesn't excuse it in a way as she probably makes calls on public roads too...and just cos it's private doesn't make it any less daft or dangerous. Good luck with the reunion.x.

Person A: Hi Lady, Yes Person B has been a friend of mine for close on 70 years. Up to the age of 16, I lived at XYZ Farm and Person B lived on ABC St. We used to go out cycling together and worked together at Jeremiah Jackson's Engineers.

Person B: Don't forget we also went to Aberystwyth on our bikes with David Stevenson.
Took us a week.

[The Bumlord]

Hahahahahaha.

Clare Arrison's Comedy Spots

POINTLESS BUMP

I somehow had missed all this fun. I was highly amused by the disparity in the number of views for her Ibiza video.