Your Pre-Christmas day shit

[thraxx]

Well.  That was it.  The stomach cramps forebode a monster, but it in the event it was a rather foul but diminutive fellow.  Took some time to get going and solid out the traps, but dissolving to liquid by the time its length had passed outside.  Needed a dozen wipes to clear, some traces of blood on paper suggests some fissuring.  Gone in a single flush, nasty lingering odour.  Was wise to wait until the guests have gone.  Disappointed that it took just 11 minutes. Overall:  Promising pre-shite sensations, ultimately a let down.

[Unoriginal]

I can feel an awful shit brewing.

[Glebe]

I'm brewing up a storm here. After dinner tomorrow I'll be dropping my obscenely obese kids off at the pool.

[derek stitt]

I have had a persistent burning sensation in my ringpiece since just after my third shit of the day.

That last one, guiness port and sprout fuelled, took half a roll to clean away. Even got something that looked liked melted fruit and nut on me fingers.

After flushing the goop away there were brown stripes left on the bottom of the pan that looked like the trye tracks of three mopeds screeching to halt. Had to flush the bog again to get rid of them. This took the gloss of the dump because I am on a water meter.

[AlanB]

I too have been visited by three turds this day - the shits of meals past, present and yet to come.

I don't think I'll have anything left to contribute to the boxing day thread guys :(

[303]

Right folks, time to stop posting in this thread as we are only a few hours from Boxing day and the best thread of the year, over to you biggy.

[Glebe]

Well, I've got mine out of my system. No Boxing Day dump for me, but by crackey the relief is incredible.

[buttgammon]

Length: 9/10 A real snake that repeatedly doubled back onto itself and took three flushes to be completely dismissed.
Shape: 9/10 A real work of art not too unlike a giant, brown version of a 1980s dog turd. Peter Kay would have been in his element so much it would have turned him into a scatological fetishist in an instant.
Odour: 5/10 While it initially emitted a prodigious stink, the smell soon faded to the generic level of 'distant sewers' or 'relative with minor bowel trouble'. The intended impact was not realised, making it less of a Hiroshima and more of a test in Novaya Zemlya.
Ease: 10/10 After some constipation and other difficulties earlier in the year, passages are now incredibly smooth, sometimes reaching a degree of pleasurable ease that could easily be described or explained by Freud.

A good all round performance.

[hedgehog90]

Oh god.
I was wrapping presents late last night when I noticed an uncomfortable pain in my abdomen. I then realised I hadn't taken a shit since Sunday, so before I went to bed I tried to strain one out but nothing, NOTHING!
Long story short, after lots of Christmas dinner, dessert, wine, sherry and a fuck load of nibbles, I've yet to take a shit.
Now I'm laying in bed and it feels... well, like my guts are full of compact shit.
When I finally go though its going to be a personal record. It'll be beautiful, like a shapely brown baguette, a shard of pure man shit. So massive and impressive that it deserves to be captured on camera and shown to the world on a British comedy forum.
But for now I can only dream... and fart.