Peter Pipkins - His Life, His Work, His Glans.

[Glebe]

Pipkins was the master of goon-strangling. In his heyday (1852-1974) he was everything from pipe cleaner to pipmaster: lover, fighter, nobleman, rebel, philanthropist, philosopher, hero, goggin.

Little is known of Pipkins, apart from a vast amount of private letters, photos, footage, rare correspondence, and 20 sordid, detailed biogs. What we DO know is that he kept his gusset clean, was kind to the several gannets he produced (with his many wives!) and was one of the founders of Westminister, alongside Sir Humphrie Pog, Lester Shitcockles and The Crazy Bunch.

But his legend is smeared with controversy. In 1982, and through no fault of his own, he brutally murdered a helpless milkman, going so far as to send the man's family a note saying 'Haha he's dead now!' Thankfully, his named was cleared when some higher-ups pulled some strings, while the late, wretched milky was dishonoured with false claims of 'spunking in the milk bottles'.

To this day, we honour Pipkin, we love him, we respect him, we cherish his memory. And it is with great pride and mild sexual tingling that I can reveal that plans are afoot to bulldoze Thatcher's gravestone in order to make way for a monument commemorating the late dumpling. Here here.