101 live music clichés you lap up like a dog/detest

[Don_Preston]

35 Having some obnoxious twat who, rather than treating moshing as the enjoyable scrimmage that it should be, seems actively bent on causing GBH to anyone that (invariably) he comes into contact with. He is also usually least suited to this, being as he usually is a tooth-missing streak of piss in camos with the sunken features of a hopeless skaghead.

Be careful at those Toploader gigs!

[Tiny Poster]

One of the best hip-hop gigs I've ever been to was Killer Mike at Birthdays, and he had absolutely no need for a hype man. He was clearly enjoying the fuck out of himself too, as were the audience.

[doppelkorn]

The thing I like most about live hip hop the always inevitable moaning at the soundman. I always like to have a bet with myself on how long it'll take. I think the shortest it's ever happened was Shabazz Palaces, but Ghostface before that was king of it.

A few years ago I saw Kurtis Blow and the Furious Five sharing a bill at the Mint Lounge in Manchester. They came on stage rapping, so as they walked on you were supposed to hear them go "We're coming, we're coming...we're here!" but the mics were either off or didn't work. I expected them to go MENTAL at the sound man having essentially ruined their entrance but they just laughed it off, went off stage and did it again.

Great bunch of lads. Melle Mel and Scorpio signed my ticket.

[SteveDave]

7. Over-long song introductions.

I love a good over-long song introduction. Robyn Hitchcock's are better than his songs. It makes it seem more like an event rather than just saying nothing & playing the songs like they sound on the records.

[JesusAndYourBush]

36. Doing that thing where you thrust both arms into the air but not being self-aware enough to refrain from doing it when there's not enough room to do it without hitting other people in the face.  [nb]All About Eve at Nottingham Rock City is one I remember well. A few swift elbows soon put a stop to it. Accidentally of course because it was so very cramped and everyone was crushed up together.[/nb]

Which brings us to...

37. Goth Sign Language
For anyone who doesn't know what I mean, it's when someone makes various gestures to illustrate the lyrics of the song. It's not actual sign language before someone gets the wrong idea!!  They're just making it up and a lot of it is just  thrusting both arms in the air when they can't think of a gesture.
You'll almost always see it happen when the Sisters Of Mercy play the song "Temple Of Love" but it happens at other times also.  For added annoyance do it while sitting on someone's shoulders and blocking peoples view of the band.[nb]Yes I know, you can't see them anyway because of the dry ice but that's not the point. Sometimes you can.[/nb]

[Vodka Margarine]

25. Specific to Belle & Sebastian [nb]so not really a cliche I suppose[/nb]. Getting the fucking audience up on stage to dance while you play. Absolutely fucking horrible. Seen them do this about a dozen times now and each time it gets more vile. Favourite was when I saw them in Preston and Stuart Murdoch invited people up. One boy climbed over the barriers to join in and was immediately set upon by security who chucked him out. Yes!

If one was already negatively predisposed towards B&S, reading this really really wouldn't help matters one jot.

38)  An awkward anecdote from the lead singer about the last time they were in this town, or where they've been today in said town. Depends on the funniness of the teller of course, but it's usually stilted whimsy.

[Goldentony]

34. Changing the lyrics of a song slightly to reflect the location of the gig

FUCK! the best thing i've ever seen at a gig. Andrew WK playing Manchester on the tour he played all of I Get Wet on. He gets to I LOVE NYC and asks the crowd if they'd like to hear them do I LOVE MANCHESTER. Not realizing that most of the gig is made up of a lot of disgruntled Leeds and Liverpool and other neglected types because he only did Manchester between Glasgow and London, the entire fucking crowd boo's fuck out of the suggestion much to his and the entire band's confusing, causing a sort of collective shrug and a confused "Uh.......ALRIGHT"

[Subtle Mocking]

FUCK! the best thing i've ever seen at a gig. Andrew WK playing Manchester on the tour he played all of I Get Wet on. He gets to I LOVE NYC and asks the crowd if they'd like to hear them do I LOVE MANCHESTER. Not realizing that most of the gig is made up of a lot of disgruntled Leeds and Liverpool and other neglected types because he only did Manchester between Glasgow and London, the entire fucking crowd boo's fuck out of the suggestion much to his and the entire band's confusing, causing a sort of collective shrug and a confused "Uh.......ALRIGHT"

Yeah, I fucking love when American acts come over and don't have the slightest clue about British geography. Like, if they play a gig in Boston or Philadelphia, chances are that the majority of the people there will be from that area and will support their sports team. Then they come here and say "So I was watching MANCHESTER UNITED earlier" and get booed out of the building.

[Chriddof]

I remember one story of some American hip hop act (I can't for the life of me remember who it was) doing a gig in Milton Keynes - I think it was as support to Eminem - and one of the group half way through going "LET'S HEAR SOME NOISE, LONDON!".

[FAKE EDIT: I just Googled to see if I could find out who it was and it turns out to have been Eminem himself who said something along those lines. Also my search came up with a Google Books result for some American woman's book on Eminem who wrote: "I had arrived early for the first concert at London's Milton Keynes Bowl..."]

[NoSleep]

Americans think nothing of travelling hundreds of miles by car to a destination, so getting off at (I assume) London, Heathrow Airport and driving to Milton Keynes would make it, in their minds, London.

[Viero_Berlotti]

1. Saving their only hit as an encore

"Thank you thank you you've been a great audience! A bing-bing, a-bing-bing, a-bing-bing, a-bing-bing, a-bing-bing, a-bing-bing, a-bing-bing, Her name is Noelle, I have a dream about her..."

39. Playing their only hit as the opening song...

...under the misguided idea that their new material lives up to the quality of their only hit.

[doppelkorn]

Actually given the example I gave in my OP, this anecdote probably deserves an airing.

The scene was Sonisphere 2011. The protagonists me, my mate and his brother. Me and the brother decided we were heading up to the main stage to see Weezer.

My mate: Nah they're shit they only have that one song.

Me: What? Buddy Holly?

Mate: No, Teenage Dirtbag.

Me: No you're thinking of Wheatus.

Mate: No it's definitely Weezer.

Mate's brother: No Wheatus did Teenage Dirtbag, Weezer did Buddy Holly, Hash Pipe, The Sweater Song, Islands in the Sun *sings excerpts of Weezer hits*.

Mate: Well I don't know any of them but as far as I'm concerned they only had one hit - Teenage Dirtbag.

Me and brother: Right, come with us and watch them and you'll see you're wrong.

We go and watch Weezer and true to form they play Weezer songs and not Wheatus songs, until the final encore where they play - you guessed it - for some reason Teenage Dirtbag.

My mate: Ahhhhhhhhhh I told you.

Me:

[Don_Preston]

Which brings us to...

37. Goth Sign Language
For anyone who doesn't know what I mean, it's when someone makes various gestures to illustrate the lyrics of the song. It's not actual sign language before someone gets the wrong idea!!  They're just making it up and a lot of it is just  thrusting both arms in the air when they can't think of a gesture.
You'll almost always see it happen when the Sisters Of Mercy play the song "Temple Of Love" but it happens at other times also.  For added annoyance do it while sitting on someone's shoulders and blocking peoples view of the band.[nb]Yes I know, you can't see them anyway because of the dry ice but that's not the point. Sometimes you can.[/nb]

As demonstrated brilliantly a few years ago at a Half Man Half Biscuit gig, where a couple next to me were miming along to "But I can put a tennis racket up against my face. And pretend that I am Kendo Nagasaki" during Everything's AOR.

[NoSleep]

35 Having some obnoxious twat who, rather than treating moshing as the enjoyable scrimmage that it should be, seems actively bent on causing GBH to anyone that (invariably) he comes into contact with. He is also usually least suited to this, being as he usually is a tooth-missing streak of piss in camos with the sunken features of a hopeless skaghead.

AKA Grievous Bodily Dancing. Be thankful there isn't a whole crew practising it, as used to happen at gigs by rockabilly band The Meteors back in the day.

[holyzombiejesus]

34. Changing the lyrics of a song slightly to reflect the location of the gig

I saw Glenn Campbell live once and when he did one of my favourite of his songs, he changed every 'Galveston' to 'Manchester'. Thanks for that. : o (

[Johnny Townmouse]

I wonder if Serge isn't talking about Beady Eye but rather someone who has a beady eye. Or squiggly, more accurately.

Based on the gig I went to yesterday I  like bands jumping into crowd, even though it hurt my back, and bands confident enough to end with a quiet song.

I don't like the million support bands around now who sound like a slightly less shit version of Animal Collective. Also, ending sets with ridiculous drum climaxes, you know what I mean.

I also detest people up onstage during gigs. Especially Flaming Lips. Awful.

[George Oscar Bluth II]

40. Drummer walks on alone to cheers, sits down at drums and starts bashing out a beat. The bassist walks on to slightly bigger cheers. Picks up bass, starts playing along. Lead guitarist walks on. Huge cheers. Picks up guitar. Joins in. Crowd realises they're playing that song, goes wild. Singer struts on stage to absolute adoration, allows crowd to sing first few lines for him.

[Bobby Treetops]

1. Saving their only hit as an encore

"Thank you thank you you've been a great audience! A bing-bing, a-bing-bing, a-bing-bing, a-bing-bing, a-bing-bing, a-bing-bing, a-bing-bing, Her name is Noelle, I have a dream about her..."

39. Playing their only hit as the opening song...

...under the misguided idea that their new material lives up to the quality of their only hit.

Well Europe used to play The Final Countdown twice during their set, as their first and last song.

This could be 41 but it's not exactly a clichés. Just desperate.

[Brundle-Fly]

Actually given the example I gave in my OP, this anecdote probably deserves an airing.

The scene was Sonisphere 2011. The protagonists me, my mate and his brother. Me and the brother decided we were heading up to the main stage to see Weezer.

My mate: Nah they're shit they only have that one song.

Me: What? Buddy Holly?

Mate: No, Teenage Dirtbag.

Me: No you're thinking of Wheatus.

Mate: No it's definitely Weezer.

Mate's brother: No Wheatus did Teenage Dirtbag, Weezer did Buddy Holly, Hash Pipe, The Sweater Song, Islands in the Sun *sings excerpts of Weezer hits*.

Mate: Well I don't know any of them but as far as I'm concerned they only had one hit - Teenage Dirtbag.

Me and brother: Right, come with us and watch them and you'll see you're wrong.

We go and watch Weezer and true to form they play Weezer songs and not Wheatus songs, until the final encore where they play - you guessed it - for some reason Teenage Dirtbag.

My mate: Ahhhhhhhhhh I told you.

Aggh! How annoying.  Damon Albarn once remarked that judging by comments he had heard from various young pop fans,  there is large amount of people who think Robbie Williams wrote Song2 Williams often encored with it on his tours.

[Gulftastic]

Has anyone said ironically cheering the road crew as they walk on to check a mic stand or something?

I was at Wembely Stadium in 1990 for Madonna's Blonde Ambition tour, and two of the crew came on stage, whipped the crowd up a bit, and then took photos of each other in front of the sea of raised arms.

[Sexton Brackets Drugbust]

AKA Grievous Bodily Dancing.

There was a tiny bloke like this, bizarrely, at a Radiohead gig I went to. He was so fucking overexcited and kept launching himself around the incredibly tightly packed area we were standing. His concerned friends kept apologising, explaining that he'd come from Brazil to see them. Everyone around him was visibly pissed off, until he beamed up at them with a face full of innocent wonder and delight, like life was just a magical game and he'd unlocked the secret - which, to be honest, annoyed me all the more, because it meant he was getting away with it.

[Ray Travez]

26. Seeing a band more than once (not even on the same tour) and realising every word spoken between numbers is scripted[nb]Apart from the name of the city they're in[/nb]. (That's another Iggy one, along with many other bands).

Along those lines, I got a job roadying for a Bryan Adams gig in the late 90's. I watched the gig, as there was nothing else to do. At one point, Bryan asks if there's anyone in the audience who can play drums. He gets a show of hands, and picks a person to come up on stage. He repeats this for the other instruments, until he's got a full band onstage. "What's this band going to be called?" he asks the singer. "Complete Shite!" says the lad, which gets a laugh. They then go on to play an extremely ropey version of "Summer of 69".

I thought this was a pretty interesting idea, and genuinely listened to the band. Maybe I'm naive, but I thought he had picked random members of the audience out, and I was disappointed to hear from a friend that the same people had been picked when she had gone to see him, and the same band name chosen. (I was also disappointed to find out that my good friend was a Bryan Adams fan.)

Still, those were the best days of my life.

[Janie Jones]

Specific to Pixies so doesn't qualify for the count but it always makes my toes curl in Monkey Gone to Heaven when the whole audience stick their hands in the air to do the count on their fingers: 'If man is five...' etc. Especially as 'Then the devil is six...' seems to provoke some uncertainty about whether to use the thumb or forefinger of the second hand.

More positively, I never tire of John Cooper Clarke brandishing the base of the mic stand and saying, 'Anyone here from the Isle of Mann? Do you want yer passport stamped?'

Oh I've thought of a proper cliche
41. Leaning forward with one foot on the foldback amp.

[Brundle-Fly]

42. Staring at peeling stickers of shit unknown bands on the wall, as you piss overpriced lager into a flooding urinal with the stench of ammonia up your nose and the sound of your least favourite number coming to an end in the auditorium.

[Viero_Berlotti]

43. Going to see a David Bowie tribute act and struggling to get back from the bar holding 4 pints for your mates near the front because all the middle age blokes that make up a majority of the audience weigh at least 18 stone each and just refuse to move to let you past.

[Captain Crunch]

I feel really bad saying this as he's sorely missed but bloody hell, Dio, I swear he did at least six encores at the Astoria, it just got annoying.  At least Graham Bonnet is polite enough to keep the music going while he slips away for a Benylin and a quick towel down.  I rarely stay for encores now, even for top acts I can't be bothered. 

Lately I've noticed older women 'bopping' at the side or the back – are they being sarcastic or is it a universal precursor to the menopause? 

[Serge]

I wonder if Serge isn't talking about Beady Eye but rather someone who has a beady eye. Or squiggly, more accurately.

I am particularly tired tonight, so I can't for the life of me figure this one out. It certainly doesn't sound like the gent in question.....

[Johnny Townmouse]

I am particularly tired tonight, so I can't for the life of me figure this one out. It certainly doesn't sound like the gent in question.....

[gmoney]

Swampy?

[doppelkorn]