Not The Nine O'Clock News

[Famous Mortimer]

Look at that tache on Barry Humphries! Was he wearing it as a joke or had he upset the makeup department?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Full episode from 1982 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vf1RHvbIQw

There's a shedload more content on YT these days.

Frustrating as I initially watched some late 90s/early 00s repeats, then came the DVDs which were just heavily abridged Best Ofs.

Some of the sketches buried since broadcast are better than those archived ones in my opinion. Some shite though.

[Norton Canes]

The performances are impeccable. The bank savings one is perfectly pitched.

[Clownbaby]

I like when Rowan Atkinson was being Marc Almond. He looked like him.

[Dr Rock]

I liked the song at the end, 'Roland, Roland Davies' got it in my head now. 'He had a bounty on his head... and a Mars Bar in his pocket.'

[Isnt Anything]

The performances are impeccable. The bank savings one is perfectly pitched.

the one with the little cardboard trays ?

id forgotten that, superb sketch, just when you think its going one way, it goes another entirely ....

[Suky]

anyone know a way to find the unexpurgated first series?

Didn't realise John Lloyd was the Paul Raymond of Oxbridge comedy.   

[Satchmo Distel]

Full episode guide

http://sotcaa.org/history/sotcaa2000/sotcaa2000_frame.html?/history/sotcaa2000/editnews/not_episodes.html

[Norton Canes]

Fantastic, I'd completely forgotten the Kenny Everett intro from s01e01. They literally could not have chosen a funnier word.

[Satchmo Distel]

I liked the song at the end, 'Roland, Roland Davies' got it in my head now. 'He had a bounty on his head... and a Mars Bar in his pocket.'

John Alford appears as one of the kids

[nec1974]

Made In Wales was the actual TV advertising campaign that was lampooned in the "Failed In Wales" sketch.

Trouble with topical TV reference comedy - the context gets lost. Ditto for the sketch about cottages in Wales, and Windscale, which referenced TV adverts.

And of course, the rather blunt 'Made From Whales'.

The BL Ambassador sketch (Hand Built...by Roberts) is the reason my brother and I have called each other Bob for the last 35 years.

[Autopsy Turvey]

"The rubbery lumps in Japanese lunches" is now stuck in my head.

[yesitsme]

The winner of Best Performance Ever in a Comedy Sketch must go Griff in the 'nobble' sketch.

He does NOTHING. NOTHING! Except a little vindictive smirk and it's hilarious.

Excellent work.

[Satchmo Distel]

There is definite Oxbridge smugness in the series and Stephenson blacking up as Moira Stewart is problematic, irrespective of her intentions (just don't go there).

But there is more social history in it than Python, for example. You get much more of a feeling for early Thatcher with this series than you do for the Wilson-Heath years with Python, which seems to be much more about attacking the rigidity of English upper middle class manners and its sexual hypocrisy and could therefore just as easily have been written in the 50s (except for the fact it would have been censored).

[Autopsy Turvey]

But there is more social history in it than Python, for example. You get much more of a feeling for early Thatcher with this series than you do for the Wilson-Heath years with Python, which seems to be much more about attacking the rigidity of English upper middle class manners and its sexual hypocrisy and could therefore just as easily have been written in the 50s (except for the fact it would have been censored).

NT9OCN was much more blatantly topical, but MPFC has a permissive psychedelic countercultural vibe that's rooted deeply in its own era. I'm not hugely troubled by Moira Stewart, but you said not to go there.

[Dr Rock]

Surely the cottages in Wales bit(s?) simply referenced that Welsh people would occasionally torch the house of someone, probably English, who bought their little cottage as a weekend break thingie. I don't remember any ads at the time for cottages in Wales (could be wrong).

[Maurice Yeatman]

Surely the cottages in Wales bit(s?) simply referenced that Welsh people would occasionally torch the house of someone, probably English, who bought their little cottage as a weekend break thingie. I don't remember any ads at the time for cottages in Wales (could be wrong).

There would have been adverts for Wales tourism, but obviously not for privately-owned cottages. The sketch refers to the British Coal Board ads at the time that had the slogan "Come home to a real fire".

[Dr Rock]

Oh yeah I remember them.

[idunnosomename]

Apparently The Two Ninnies shooting script was linked to on this fine forum many years ago. it has disappeared now. Anyone, uh, copy it, and could just, post it?

In addition, I am annoyed that whenever I reference "Nice Video: Shame About the Song" no one seems to get it. Perfect style over substance metaphor. oh well.

[Maurice Yeatman]

In addition, I am annoyed that whenever I reference "Nice Video: Shame About the Song" no one seems to get it. Perfect style over substance metaphor. oh well.

Which was inspired by the recent hit 'Nice Legs, Shame About Her Face' by The MeToos Monks - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kf44LWY7cdQ

[Phoenix Lazarus]

I loved that one about the racist copper carpeted for arresting a black man on charges like 'walking on the cracks in the pavement' and 'being in possession of thick lips, wide nostrils, and tightly curled hair.'

[Tony Yeboah]

New podcast interview with Griff Rhys Jones where he discusses Not the Nine O'Clock News in some depth http://simoncaine.co.uk/ATI/GriffRhysJones

[Spiny Norman]

I'm sure there's probably a thread for this, but I can't use the search.

I've been watching the original airings - as opposed to the 'best of' compilations and I am impressed with a great deal of it, I love anything that dates it, which would be seen as a negative by some, I like the way it captures the early stages of the Thatcher government and all the attitudes towards it.

The writing is so brilliant, especially when the gang take on controversial subjects such as racism which would never dared be discussed today.

Interesting seeing Langham in series 1, easy to see why he was replaced, he wasn't at the level of the other three.

Not the original airings of series one?!? :o

[oy vey]

I loved that one about the racist copper carpeted for arresting a black man on charges like 'walking on the cracks in the pavement' and 'being in possession of thick lips, wide nostrils, and tightly curled hair.'

I read somewhere that sketch was submitted by a member of the public. Apparently, it originally centered on a list of wacky and surreal charges set on some random bloke. I guess someone in the show decided to evolve it with the race angle.

Anyway, I like trucking!

[Andy147]

I read somewhere that sketch was submitted by a member of the public.

According to this Guardian interview it was a police forensic scientist called Paul Newstead who "sent in the basic idea".

[Solid Jim]

I read somewhere that sketch was submitted by a member of the public. Apparently, it originally centered on a list of wacky and surreal charges set on some random bloke. I guess someone in the show decided to evolve it with the race angle.

I recall hearing the opposite: that the submitted sketch was about a racist policeman repeatedly arresting the same man, but the absurd nature of the charges was added in subsequently by the main writing team. Can anyone remember where this was discussed? It doesn't appear to be elaborated on in the Not Again documentary.

[oy vey]

I recall hearing the opposite: that the submitted sketch was about a racist policeman repeatedly arresting the same man, but the absurd nature of the charges was added in subsequently by the main writing team. Can anyone remember where this was discussed? It doesn't appear to be elaborated on in the Not Again documentary.

I think you might be correct Sir. The Guardian article supports that order of events. Memory fart.

[studpuppet]

Apparently The Two Ninnies shooting script was linked to on this fine forum many years ago. it has disappeared now. Anyone, uh, copy it, and could just, post it?

With all props to Colin Ramone:

One of my favourite of their sketches was "The Two Ninnies", an extremely vindictive piss take of The Two Ronnies. And luckily, below, is a recently discovered unedited version. If you've any knowledge of Barker and Corbett at all, you must admit it's an extremely accurate parody. The unbroadcast bits are highlighted in bold.

CORBETT
Good evening, it's wonderful to be with you again, isn't it Ronnie?

BARKER
No, it's a bleeding pain in the arse, frankly. But in a packed programme tonight you'll be pleased to hear we'll be using exactly the same sort of material...

CORBETT
...as we've used for the last fifteen years.

BARKER
I shall be talking incredibly quickly, making spousands of thoonersims and dressing up in women's clothing.

CORBETT
And I shan't be getting any laughs because he writes most of the scripts and makes sure I get all the crappy bits.

BARKER
Meanwhile, I shall be telling old jokes about Irishmen with ridiculous names like Seamus Wateringcan, Paddy O'Broomcupboard...and Rastus Goldbladder.

CORBETT
And, every now and then, I shall be dressing up in women's clothing.

BARKER
Later in the show I shall be implying, through smutty innuendo...

CORBETT
...that I have a very small part...

BARKER
...and I have an enormous penis.

CORBETT
And, frequently throughout the show he shall cry...

BARKER
...'Spectacles'...

CORBETT
...by which he means testicles.

BARKER
'Cobblers'...

CORBETT
...by which he means testicles.

BARKER
'Didgery-doos'...

CORBETT
...by which he means penises.

BARKER
'Watermelons'...

CORBETT
...'Breasts'

BARKER
'Articles'...

CORBETT
...testicles again.

BARKER
'Bristols'...

CORBETT
...breasts again.

BARKER
And 'bouncers'...

CORBETT
...breasts or testicles.

BARKER
This is because we are a family show and I will not allow smut into your home.

CORBETT
We shall, however, continue to make frequent references to Raquel Welch.

BARKER
Who's pushing 50 and hasn't made a film for nearly 20 years.

CORBETT
Immediately after the news items we shall do a sketch...

BARKER
...which begins 'Hello Mrs Pigeon, would you care for a smidgin?'...

CORBETT
...and which ends 'I see you've got a new fridge in, Mr Widgin'.

BARKER
After which I shall do my popular solo sketch...

CORBETT
...which he writes himself under a heavily-publicised pseudonym...

BARKER
...in which I sit behind a desk as a spokesman for The Forgetful Society, the Congenitally Clumsy, or the Society for Pisspronunciation. When the sketch becomes too feeble for words, I shall pull down a chart...

PULLS DOWN CHART SHOWING PAIR OF KNOCKERS OR SIMILAR

CORBETT
After this, we have a five-minute break and a pre-recording of The Nolan Sisters...

BARKER
...who come cheap...

CORBETT
...and are, fortunately, even more boring than we are.

BARKER
Then we get the pre-recorded serial , shot on location in Swanage...

CORBETT
...in which we usually dress up in women's clothing...

BARKER
...surrounded by a lot of actresses in inverted commas and very little else.

CORBETT
Then comes the finale... (CUTS TO SONG)

We like birds, we're ornithologists
Horny, pornothologists
I've got a nice pair of bi-knacker-knocker-larse
You can stick them up on your tripod

We're marching up and down upon the spot spot spot
Cos the sodding choreographer's a twot twot twot
And he couldn't care a jot
If we're military men or not
With a bum, tit, how's your father
Whoops, a-diddly-i-do

Spent all day just crawling through the grass
Thistles in me hair and bracken up me anus *
I'm thrilled to bits if I see a pair of tits
And I love to watch the sun go down
Oh vagina, oh vagina, over Chinatown

We're titting up and down on the willy bum bum
Pillocking around with the cobbler's nobblers
Nibbling along with a pain in the Balkans
Piddling about in the bum plop piss

I wear my scarf when the weather turns bitter
Everybody calls him the muffled titter
I love it when the birds come a-pecking at me nuts
With a bum, tit, how's your father
Whoops, a-tickle-a-dildo

I'm a raven maniac
Got half a dozen chicks in me bivouac
I love to see them squirm with delight
When I'm giving them a little bit of worm at night

J. Arthur Rank and the titty bum Urals
Nibbling around with a pain in the Balkans
Spotty botty wee wee piddling about
In the Jimmy Riddle cami-knicker orchestras

Knickers up and down to me willy bum goolie
Knockers to the mammary nympho beaver
Knackers in the Baltic, clappering away
So we knicker and we knacker on me knocker all day
Knickers up and down to me willy bum goolie
Knockers to the mammary nympho beaver
Knackers in the Baltic, clappering away
So we knicker and we knacker
And we knocker, and we knacker
On the knicker and we knacker
And we knocker all day

*The original shooting script suggests 'khyber' as an alternate to 'anus'.

https://web.archive.org/web/20100814181516/http://colinramone.blogspot.com/2005/05/two-ninnies.html

[Ambient Sheep]

Thank you so much for that!

...surrounded by a lot of actresses in inverted commas and very little else.

That line in particular is sheer genius.  SO clever!

[idunnosomename]

blimey i completely forgot about asking for that. thank you, regardless