Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 28, 2024, 10:10:49 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Backstabbings & Betrayals: Bagpuss cast member opens up.

Started by Glebe, August 17, 2014, 07:29:55 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Glebe


The BBC has been dogged by controversy in recent years, but it seems like things are really about to blow up tomorrow when The Daily Express publishes the explosive confessions of Charliemouse, a cast member of classic existential communist drama Bagpuss. The show commanded audiences of 30 million in it's heyday and is now a phenomenon to rival Star Wars and Doctor Who. But the loyalty of it's billions of fans worldwide will be sorely put to the test when the EXCLUSIVE! can of dirty worms is dished in tomorrow's Express. However, the online community is in for a treat as we can now EXCLUSIVE!-ly publish the full article - NOW!

CONFESSIONS OF A TV MOUSE.

By LETWIN STARR.

"He pushed the head further down the bowl. And flushed." - Charliemouse, 2014.

It's not often that you come face-to-face with a genuine, bona-fide legend in a Wolverhampton pub, but here in The Sheep's Arms that's exactly what I'm about to do. "Alright, Letwin?" says the dishevelled figure that plonks himself down in front of me. "I'll have what you're having." The barman gives a disapproving look when Charliemouse (for it is he) sparks up his E-cig, but two pints of Bombardier ale are subsequently procured, naytheless.

Dressed in a cheap suit and with several days worth of stubble on his chin, the 62-year-old Charliemouse has sadly lost the matinee-idol good looks that made him the envy of everyone from Burt Reynolds to Warren Beatty. But we're not here to talk turkey... there are sick revelations to be titillated by, and to my eternal satisfaction Charlie does not disappoint.

"Where do you wanna start?" he begins. I know there is some deliciously sleazy goss concerning Jenniemouse, but I bide my time, enjoying the foreplay of lesser stories. "My agent rang me one day in late '73... it had been a fallow period and I was fucking gagging for work. When I heard the Beeb were making a period costume drama about a girl and her antiques shop, I said 'I'll 'ave some of that!' Before you could say 'Jack Robinson!' I was down in London for a costume fitting."



Bagpuss himself was a prima donna on set.

But things soon turned ugly, as Charlie's salacious titbits now reveal. "Some of the other mice I was cast alongside were right cunts. We were trained to use the Marvellous Mechanical Mouse Organ, and during rehearsals one of them called me a 'nancy boy', because I clearly had some stage work under my belt. Another one tried to push me into the mechanics of the organ. I would have been killed. Bastard."

Charlie couldn't wait to get on with the filming, but things were held up by the late arrival of the show's star. "That first frosty morn, we were kept waiting and waiting. Eventually a stretch limo pulled up, and who should step out only his nibs, Bagpuss, replete with shades and Armani suit. He had some tart on his arm in a fur coat. I said 'Oh, hold-up! It's Rod Stewart!' He didn't like that one bit. From that day forward I was a marked man."

Things were about to get worse, however. Feeling peckish one day, Charlie popped into the local newsagent for a lunchtime snack. But things were about to get crazy. "I had forgot to bring a packed lunch that day, so come lunch time I took a stroll over to Mr. Patel's. I was just perusing the confectionary selection on display - they were out of Curly Wurlies, though mind you I've always preferred Double Deckers - when suddenly somebody barged past me. 'Mind out, I was here first!' Who was it only Jones the Steam from Ivor the Engine, another 'Firmin' favourite. I'll never forget his rudeness. It haunts me still, to this very day."



Yaffle, in a candid on-set moment.

Meanwhile, filming was proving to be a real pain. "Two words: Madeleine Remnant," moans Charliemouse into his beer. "She was a right hoity-toity bitch, sitting in her rocking chair and giving orders. Surprisingly, however, Charlie found consolation in an unlikely ally. "Professor Yaffle was a funny old bird, but he was really a decent skin," confirms the former mouse star. "He gave me the best advice I've ever received: 'Never look the director straight in the eyes.' That piece of wisdom saw me through many a nervous audition, let me tell you."

But behind the scenes, things weren't so rosy. "The wrap party was fucking mental," claims Charlie. "It was booze, drugs and dolly birds 'a plenty. Everyone was there, including some names I'd rather not mention in light of recent events. Anyway, I was bursting for a piss so I went into the BBC Toilets. I heard a bit of 'goings-on' in one of the cubicles and curiosity got the better of me. There was Jenniemouse, in the arms of - who else? - Gabriel the Toad! Gabriel was well in with the pop crowd - he could do a mean version of 'Whole Lotta Love' on his banjo - and he was always one for the ladies. But toad-on-mouse action was taking things too far. I mentioned it to Esther Rantzen but she just laughed it off."

These days, Charliemouse lives a quiet, sedate life as a part-time road sweep in Dudley. Does he ever have any regrets? A poignant look crosses the felt-puppet's face. "Regrets? Nah. Life's like the National Lottery... you hope your lucky numbers are going to come up, but they rarely do." And with those wise words, the once-famous rodent drains his glass and leaves.

© The Daily Express, 2014.