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"i have spider of worth to say" thread

Started by mayer, September 10, 2004, 03:06:23 AM

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mayer

Quote from: "thomasina"ran like the Zombies in the new Dawn of the Dead.

that's the best simile i've ever heard! i'm nicking that one.



EPILOGUE:

the dark dark corner where the pintglass is has a couple of crushed spiders legs in it.... i think i accidentally killed the poor bastard when trying to capture it. or maybe only dismembered it.

i feel a bit bad. i don't kill spiders. i've only recently become totally comfortable with killing wasps (though i'm known to go a bit mad whilst doing it, mortifying a friend during Arsenal Vs. Everton when we were down the pub).

my flatmate warns of the spider's ghost coming for revenge.... fuck the ghost i said, it's the friends and family i worry about.

Rev

Halfway through the second page, then.

I was wondering how long it would take for some fucker to provide an illustrated example of the enemy.  WE DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT THEM!

thomasina

Quote from: "skibz"I used to be absolutely petrified of spiders, even those teeny tiny ones that couldn't hurt a fly, until I was told to handle a tarantula on a school trip to the local butterfly farm (Stratford, if anyone's been there). This was when I was about 10, I think. It was more like holding a little furry animal than anything else, very pleasant, and since then no spider has ever put the scares into me - they all just seem a bit pointless in comparison to the big one.

The tarantula thing doesn't work for me for the exact reason that it does work for you.  A tarantula IS like a little furry animal, it's big enough to have a personality.  But big 'normal' spiders are just alien, inaccessible and scary.  i can't think of them as 'animals', they are just running, jumping scuttling scary things.  It has no rational base whatsoever, as i know that no English spider is going to kill me.  I still wouldn't touch anything smaller than a tarantula or bigger than a money spider with my bare hands.

mayer

Quote from: "thomasina"
The tarantula thing doesn't work for me for the exact reason that it does work for you.  A tarantula IS like a little furry animal, it's big enough to have a personality.  But big 'normal' spiders are just alien, inaccessible and scary.  i can't think of them as 'animals', they are just running, jumping scuttling scary things.  It has no rational base whatsoever, as i know that no English spider is going to kill me.  I still wouldn't touch anything smaller than a tarantula or bigger than a money spider with my bare hands.

exactly what she said.

the big spindly ones are far scarier than the furry ones, yes, but i wouldn't bloody pick one of those up either.

the word scuttling is coming up a lot. it fits perfectly.


oh, and i've noticed that the noise of the spider *dropping* into my room is etched in my mind forever now, along with the first time i rode a bike unassisted and the teeth-on-kerb scene in American History X.

gazzyk1ns

Reality scuttles. That's what Cerys doesn't like about it.

Ambient Sheep

Quote from: "gazzyk1ns"Reality scuttles. That's what Cerys doesn't like about it.
:-D

gazzyk1ns

A couple of weeks ago I had this in my bath. I'm tempted to say it was huge and make some comments about the weather and genetic mutation, but... it was fairly small - here he is on side/back of my hand (I know it's a weird angle but you try getting a spider to sit still on your hand for a photo).

Frinky

Obligatory OMG NERF LOL NO CLOCKSPIDER response.

Do none of you have one of these?



I don't mean a blonde female friend, but the 'Moth catcher' device she's holding in her hand. I swear that this is quite frankly the best unsung invention ever made, you don't even have to get close to the offending insect, and once you trap it, you slide a plastic covering thing over it and then head off to the nearest window to throw it away.

You can even catch small rodents in it too, honestly, there's just no end to it's greatness.

Lt Plonker

Quote from: "SetToStun"Perhaps Lt. Plonker can confirm whether they've spread from the marshes to Chav Central...

They have. Er, again.



That'll confuse Gazzyk1ns. :)

Rats

That picture is class :)
I'm not letting this thread pass without posting the spider song
http://www.zen26454.zen.co.uk/TMBG%20-%20Spider.mp3

Rats

I'd hate to admit to reading popbitch (Tracey's fault, after she wowed me with the news of davros balls) but what in gods name is gak? Surely it can't be the glue and water conconction american kids are so fond of which google throws up. What is it slang for? It can't be tac, that's not fashionable enough.

mayer

gak = nose-candy


i stopped reading Popbitch when they claimed that Luther Vandross co-wrote "Fame", (rather than John Lennon... "Fascination" has a co-writing credit for Vandross because its based on a song which he wrote)

Rats


Krang

gak is dope isnt it? the cheap nasty stuff.

(at least round here anyway)

zozman


hands cold, liver warm

you should have been in my house the day that a giant spider got trapped in a plastic bag. I was sure that I could hear a rustling noise coming from somewhere so i investiagted with all my sherlock holmes-esque skills. As I approached the bag I was filled with curiosity, what could be making that noise. I should have realised that the bag was in reality a pandora's plastic bag of hell, for as I looked in the bag the biggest fucking spider ran up my fucking arm. It got to my shoulder before I could get it off.

There followed a 2 hour battle as the spider hid under the furniture, behind the curtains, legging it across the room to lurk in yet another inpenetrable crevice. Eventually I got the cunt. The creature was sent back to hades with a thump so powerful that even the mighty heavens crumbled, forcing rain to fall on the dry, dusty plains of western Ethiopia

I'm not sure about the last bit, I just assumed that it happened

butnut

A bizarre BUMP:

Quote from: "fanny splendid"
Quote from: "mayer"
Quote from: "SetToStun"jumping hunter spiders

you're fucking with me... spiders which fucking jump?!??!?!


oh boy.....

Have you not seen them? They're the grey ones you find on old walls.

When the electrical signal leaves the brain of the spider to tell it's legs to jump, that signal is so strong that it can interfere with human brain impulses, and make you jump, too.

I'm not sure these Hunter spiders are the same, but here there's 2 jumping spiders that live here. They are fairly small but they can certainly jump. Sometimes one strolls across my desk, and when I go to poke it with a pen, it leaps at least 10cm away, probably more sometimes. Before I moved here I don't think I'd ever seen spiders like this.

Brad

Are they black and white like little tigers?


dot

or are they black and furry with a pump attached?


splattermac

maybe it's a detached arsehole.

Oh I dunno, I just wanted to post a cackle at dot's spider pump :)

dot

Quote from: "splattermac"maybe it's a detached arsehole.

It? I have a name you know. Dividee in the post by the by

wheatgod

Ken Loach killed all the london spiders

petula dusty

That jumpy spider made me laugh like Mutley (I can't laugh out loud as people are asleep)

I hate spiders. I nearly puked when I saw the pic on the last page even though it was wearing a jaunty baseball cap.

I remember at junior school one dinnertime a boy at my table thought it would be hilarious to sneakily place a tomato stalk on my shoulder. When I saw it I thought it was a spider and screamed like a girl. Because I was.

If any horrid, scuttly, flappy, jumpy, leggy things come in my house they have to accept that the consequence will be being smashed to a pulp. And I have to accept that the result of this is that my walls bear the occasional stain and even a spindly leg or two (the equivalent of  a stag's head I suppose). I do get  carried away though, a bit  like the gas man scene in Bottom, but I don't go and sit in their webs or wherever they live do I? It's just rudeness.

Whatever happened to those spiders that have a currant for a body and really long spindly legs? I don't remember seeing one of them for a few years.

butnut

Quote from: "Brad"Are they black and white like little tigers?

(picture)

Hmm, maybe. I can't really remember. I'll have to catch a specimen and see.

LadyDay

You big girls, spiders aren't scary. Daddy long legs, now they're scary, and they FLY!

Lady Beaner

See, now thats weird.  Because I have no qualms about swatting a spindling crane fly, but I could shit twice and die if confronted with a spider.

Whilst in Northern Ireland last weekend I was wandering around my lovely holiday cottage and noticed a spider in the bathroom - right on cue as I was busting for a piss.  It was RED!  Fucking RED spider!  I nearly pissed right there and then.  Thankfully my mate flushed it down the loo, but it was a good half hour before I bring myself to use it.

LadyDay

See, I'm thinking logically here, spiders have a purpose and they tend to run away from people when approached. Crane flys and even worse, moths are STUPID! They serve no useful purpose (not in my house anyway) and they have no sense of direction whatsoever.  People have told me they bump into me accidentally but I'm convinced they are attacking me.

This thread is making me feel all itchy.  I can feel them scuttlng all over me.  Damn you all!

Lady Beaner

Ha, funny you say that.  I just had a massive judder at my desk.

(Now, now, no need for that.)