New Years Bumming Resolutions 2015 Edition

[Don_Preston]

This year I plan to join UKIP in the hope of getting the frankly ludicrous idea of making  a bumming a corporal offence for shoplifting taken seriously. Also, get Trespassers will be prosecuted signs replaced  with Tesspassers will be bummed signs by papal edict. BUMMING.

There's nothing like fierce bumming while moaning about the Brussels Bureaucrats letting in Bongo-Bongonians and having a pint of Greene King.

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Massively worth it.

Especially now that I am wifi enabled.

Who was it recently who cracked some joke about an old person thinking "wifi" would be pronounced "whiffy"?  Can't remember - it wasn't very good.

Anyway:  whiffy enabled, more like.

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I had a wonderful dream last night entitled "Those Magnificent Men in their Bumming Machines".

I particularly liked all the wacky bumming contraptions that were in operation, and the lyrics of the song that went with it.

[Dex Sawash]

I had a wonderful dream last night entitled "Those Magnificent Men in their Bumming Machines".

I particularly liked all the wacky bumming contraptions that were in operation, and the lyrics of the song that went with it.

Thanks, I'll be singing that song for weeks now.

Those magnificent men in their bumming machines
They go up diddly up up, they go down diddly down down
Up, down, bumming around, porking their hoops and defiling the mounds
etc

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That was pretty much it, yeah.  It helps if you can imagine the quite ecstatic visuals.

[anal_footing]

In 2015, I'm going to campaign for a ban on heterosexual buggery.

[burned crumpet]

Bumming the Mrs whilst giving her the reach around to get her off on vinegar flicks standing up.[nb]fucking magic[/nb]

[Sam]

It's weird that for many the anus inspires both revulsion (all but a select few do not care for crap or any of its similars) and eroticism, depending on mood and scenario.

It's like if birdshit tasted lovely at the weekend, or that mouldy Scandinavian fish dish which is eventually pleasant.

Oh the plurality of the shitter![nb]Virgil, The Georgics, Book Three.[/nb]

Anyway, recently I had a vision, a (shit) pipe dream if you will, in which Dale Winton urged me to 'construct a cavernous crap factory of some repute'. I sensed the outcome would be to convey turds at a steady rate for a quarter period. I had no notion of how he would transform the waste into capital, but his body language suggested a man of rare mystic bumlore. We dig at break of day.

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crap or any of its similars

Please elaborate.

[kittens]

i am not interested in the anus in the least. i shall never enter one, or have mine entered. anus is for shitting and that's final.

[Glebe]

I plan on bumming a grey squirrel at some point in 2015. There's loads of the fuckers around, with a little bit of patience and agility I could be pounding it's furry arse in jig-time!

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i am not interested in the anus in the least. i shall never enter one, or have mine entered. anus is for shitting and that's final.

Well please reconsider.

[anal_footing]

anus is for shitting

And sitting.

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And sitting.

Only if one's buttocks are too shallow (such people are the aforementioned "sensed bumless").

[303]

i am not interested in the anus in the least.

And yet you posted in a thread about the pleasures of the arse, methinks you protest too much.

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And yet you posted in a thread about the pleasures of the arse, methinks you protest too much.

It's a shame you have not accepted the inheritance that is my Bumming Factory.

If you had done so in good time I would have sung 'Hark the Herald Angels Sing' to you with such lyrical changes as "God and bummers reconciled".  Too late now though.

We could have also worked together on a children's book called '303 and the Bumming Factory', all about how you suddenly gained everything you ever wanted before being bummed in a transparent, levitating lift that was hovering within viewing distance and earshot of your parents' house.  All of these wondrous gifts lost to you now, like an unwilling bummee's tears in rain.  (Haha no evidence of that encounter remains and nobody will believe his stories in court!)


Sometimes I think I give the world too much.  I actually do.

[303]

I'm not sure I'm ready for such an inheritance quite yet, give me a little time though, and the transparent lift bumming shall be a reality incredible to behold, fantasy made flesh (bum flesh), and more besides.

[poo]

Gonna get a fleshlight and do a solo daisy chain with a tent peg mallet up the stern.

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I'm not sure I'm ready for such an inheritance quite yet, give me a little time though, and the transparent lift bumming shall be a reality incredible to behold, fantasy made flesh (bum flesh), and more besides.

No, you can't have it later.  You missed your window of opportunity, bum-face.

A more deserving child will be the recipient of my life's work.  And you have annoyed me because now I need to bother with the whole Golden Tickets palaver after all.


Hmm... thinking.  Maybe I will call them "Bumden Tickets".  Or perhaps that's over-egging it a little.  What the hell - the kids will love it.  Happy Holidays!!

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Gonna get a fleshlight and do a solo daisy chain with a tent peg mallet up the stern.

That sounds bumtastic!

[303]

No, you can't have it later.  You missed your window of opportunity, bum-face.

The pleasure of reading and writing in these threads shall be its own reward then.

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A Bumming March to be chanted or sung annually on December 29th

An overlong bum?
Or too abrupt bum?
No a bum with impeccable timing!
I hope you had one
This very Christmas
And wish you more for your Happy New Year!

[popcorn]

A thought occurred to me the other day (without me seeing any of the bumming threads or anything). Would you rather be bummed senseless, or sensed bumless? By "sensed bumless" I mean people would be able to sense (wrongly?) that you had no bum, they wouldn't know why, but they'd just get that very powerful sense about you, and it might be awkward.

This man chose to be sensed bumless.

[BlodwynPig]

Midnight in Rimini

[BlodwynPig]

Coil Reissues

[BlodwynPig]

Where do I put my tinder profiles.

[BlodwynPig]

Undertale