Let's create a limerick (one line each)!!

[Jemble Fred]

Recorded by Mister Geoff Emerick...

What the fuck?

[untitled_london]

There once was a really good limerick ...
penned by some kinda prick



(is that better??)

[Jemble Fred]

Nope.

There once was a really good limerick,
Recorded by Mister Geoff Emerick,
It wasn't this one.

[untitled_london]

Nope.

There once was a really good limerick,
Recorded by Mister Geoff Emerick,
It wasn't this one.

it ceased being fun

[fanny splendid]

but that's no surprise, it's a limerick.

[Jemble Fred]

Hurrah! Lear lives!

A poet, name of Edward Lear...

[Almost Yearly]

Thank you Edward "last line same as first" Lear.

There once was a really good limerick,
Recorded by Mister Geoff Emerick,
It wasn't this one
It ceased being fun
After Geoff's candle went out and his wife had to lend 'im 'er wick.

Edit: sorry, jinx Jem.


A poet, name of Edward Lear
Would fill his sister's vag with beer

[Beagle 2]

A poet, name of Edward Lear,
Would fill his sister's vag with beer,
The campaign for real ale,

[fanny splendid]

A poet, name of Edward Lear,
Would fill his sister's vag with beer,
The campaign for real ale,

With a moan and a wail

[fanny splendid]

Objected to that dripping sow's ear.

[VorpalSword]

There once was a cat named McFaggot

[Jemble Fred]

Who had a walk-on part in Taggart,

[Almost Yearly]

Yeah Jem the scan fascist


There once was a cat named McFaggot
Who landed a walk-on in Taggart
But during the walk-on
He developed a stalk-on
And faggotted Taggart with his maggot



There once was a Whore with a schizm

Sidestep that one if you can.

[fanny splendid]

Torn between McDonalds, and the Turkish restaurant, 'Gizem'.

[gazzyk1ns]

So he looked to the skies,

[VorpalSword]

And instead bought some pies,

[fanny splendid]

Modernism is different to post-modernism.

[levitica]

King Lear  

Aging King Lear of Britain
Who, when thinking of quittin',
Would hand over his powers
To act as the dowers
Of his daughters who'd be benefiting.

To decide which of three got the best,
Lear devised a love test,
The two eldest spoke,
And they flattered the bloke,
And their chunks of land they digest.

Cordy, the youngest sister
Thought that the test was unfair,
In opposition to the mob,
She shut up her gob,
And her dad got pissed and banished her.

Cordy's two suitors were told
That a dowerless girl they behold.
Burgundy ditched her,
But France did bewitch her,
And took the missus to his abode.

Edmund, Gloucester's bastard son
(An unfortunate result of much fun)
Framed his brother
Who had no other
Choice but to pack up and run

Lear's daughter's he did offend
And he was kicked out to fend
In the shittified weather
Hanging on by the tether
To the mind that was nearing its end.

Edgar dreamed up a disguise
He induced a status demise
He pulled up his hood
And spoke piles of crud
And now he was mad Tom in Lear's eyes.



Edmund reported his pappy
To the sisters, who weren't all that happy,
Then, jeepers' creepers,
They plucked out his peepers,
And Gloucester was shitting his nappy.

Gloucester decided to end it
But was led by his son, who pretended
That Gloucester'd jumped over,
The white cliffs of Dover,
And some spirit had his life defended.

While England is invaded by France,
Edmund mesees in both sisters' pants,
Cordy meets Lear
In their beaten frontier
Permission to kill them Edmund grants.

In the interest of keeping her lover,
One sister does poison the other
Her self she then slays,
This was silly, anyways,
As Edmund was killed by his brother.

Cordelia had been hung in jail
And Lear's good mood turned to stale
He put her down, Cried,
Then keeled over and died,
And Edgar was left to prevail.

[Cerys]

Ooooooooh!  You should do a load of those and market them as GCSE study aids.

[Rubbish Monkey]

Ooooooooh! You should do a load of those and market them as GCSE study aids.

and if you use them you will be sure to get good grades

[levitica]

Ooooooooh!  You should do a load of those and market them as GCSE study aids.

I was thinking about doing that.

Shame I only know the one play.

[gazzyk1ns]

I was bored really late last night and couldn't sleep, so I wrote a limerick:

There once was a girl named Fiona,
And for only a quid you could bone her.
For 50p,
You could watch her wee,
Then her parents found out and disowned her.

[untitled_london]

*round of applause*

[Jemble Fred]

A pedant of my scansion-monitoring ilk should avoid clicking on this thread again – I'll spontaneously combust. Fact of the matter is, the metre is as important as the rhyming scheme when it comes to limericks, which means that most of these... aren't actually limericks, strictly speaking. Would it have hurt to put a 'just' before '50p'? How were you reading it? 'Fiffity'?

But then you point shit like this out and it defeats the whole purpose of having a nice silly limerick thread and everyone hates you for spoiling the party like a pompous fuck. I'll go now.

De-diddly-de-de-de-de,
De-diddly-de-de-de-de,
De diddly dum,
De diddly dum,
De-diddly-de-de-de-de.

[gazzyk1ns]

I suppose I was saying the "You could" bit of the next line very fast, you're right, a "Just" would have been better there.

My own criticism of it would be that in the last line, "But" might have been better than "Then".

[falafel]

I
In April one seldom feels cheerful;
Dry stones, sun and dust make me fearful;
Clairvoyantes distress me,
Commuters depress me -
Met Stetson and gave him an earful.

II
She sat on a mighty fine chair,
Sparks flew as she tidied her hair;
She asks many questions,
I make few suggestions -
Bad as Albert and Lil - what a pair!

III
The Thames runs, bones rattle, rats creep;
Tiresias fancies a peep -
A typist is laid,
A record is played -
Wei la la. After this it gets deep.

IV
A Phoenician called Phlebas forgot
About birds and his business - the lot,
Which is no surprise,
Since he'd met his demise
And been left in the ocean to rot.

V
No water. Dry rocks and dry throats,
Then thunder, a shower of quotes
From the Sanskrit and Dante.
Da. Damyata. Shantih.
I hope you'll make sense of the notes.

[Jemble Fred]

Great stuff. Can I just pop in one more regrettably patronising note? Levitica – I really liked your version of KL there, (my favourite play) was it just for shits and giggles? Because if you did fiddle with it to make it fit the right rhythms, like the Cope piece above, I'd say that's a keeper, and something to be proud of. As it is, it's all over the place.

Sorry for taking this thread too seriously once again. Forthwith I shall add nought but froth.

[falafel]

And, while we're being literary:

(ahem)

the ... riverrun, past Eve and Adam's
And then... well, this just looks like babble...
This book's far too long,
And the words look all wrong.
I'd much rather go and play Scrabble.

As you can see, I've enver read Finnegans Wake, although that would probably be my response were I to try.

Which I would like to do one day.

[levitica]

Great stuff. Can I just pop in one more regrettably patronising note? Levitica – I really liked your version of KL there, (my favourite play) was it just for shits and giggles? Because if you did fiddle with it to make it fit the right rhythms, like the Cope piece above, I'd say that's a keeper, and something to be proud of. As it is, it's all over the place.

Sorry for taking this thread too seriously once again. Forthwith I shall add nought but froth.

Yes, yes, shits and giggles.  I'm going to make it more correct next time I find myself with too much time.

[butnut]

And, while we're being literary:

(ahem)

the ... riverrun, past Eve and Adam's
And then... well, this just looks like babble...
This book's far too long,
And the words look all wrong.
I'd much rather go and play Scrabble.

As you can see, I've enver read Finnegans Wake, although that would probably be my response were I to try.

Which I would like to do one day.

Did you write that? Very good!