Ladies - Is your vagina looking tired and haggard?

[Alberon]

Then you should steam it for twenty minutes.

Welcome to the insanity of the Vagi-Facial.

They usually create delicious dishes in their kitchen, but on today's This Morning they mixed up ingredients for something quite different - a vagina facial.

The ITV show welcomed Lisa Palmer, 41, from Tunbridge Wells, Kent, who shared her recipe for a achieving a more youthful vagina that costs less than £5.

The professional matchmaker became more conscious of how the years had aged the appearance of her own vulva following the end of her long-term marriage.

As she began dating younger men, she wanted to improve the appearance of her private parts to boost her confidence and improve her sex life.

Begin with a Vagi-Facial for seven days in a row, then repeat once a week.

INGREDIENTS

Coconut oil - Can kill bacteria and moistures the skin (one teaspoon)

Vitamin E - Conditions the skin prevents signs of anti ageing (one teaspoon)

Honey - Antibacterial and contains antioxidants to slow down ageing and boosts skin (one teaspoon)

Egg white - Tightens skin and improves texture (one egg white)

METHOD

Start with steaming the vagina for 20 minutes.

Mix all the ingredients and pre-heat in microwave for 20 seconds leave on for 15 minutes then rinse off with rose water.

Incorporate tightening exercises, clamp down as if you're stopping your urine flow, hold for 10 seconds, then release. Do 2 sets of 10 to 20 a day.

Sorry for the Daily Mail link, but it does, in this case, cover this nonsense perfectly.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2919566/Millionaire-matchmaker-perform-live-vagina-facial-Morning.html

Men, don't think you've got away with it. This lunatic is developing a penis-facial[nb]No. Not that sort.[/nb] as well.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The ITV show welcomed Lisa Palmer, 41, from Tunbridge Wells, Kent, who shared her recipe for a achieving a more youthful vagina that costs less than £5.

Is the answer 'drive to a primary school'?

[weekender]

Even if there are any female posters left on this board, I bet you'd be hard-pushed to describe any of them 'ladies'.

[Cerys]

a vagina facial

I'm not sure I want to live on a planet where the steaming of a vagina is referred to as a vagina facial.  It's just a vaginal, you simpering fucktards.

[weekender]

Isn't a vagina facial like a normal facial insofar as...

...do you know what, I should leave it.

The last time I tried something like this I ended up swapping places with a female colleague and she made me try and explain what tromboning was from her perspective.

[Genevieve]

For once I think we should send letters of complaint to Tunbridge Wells.

[BPFHAY]

Isn't a vagina facial like a normal facial insofar as...

...do you know what, I should leave it.

Here's the most annoying thing "facial creampie". At that point you've just gone full-circle with the incorrectivitude.

[weekender]

They've all got Tunbridge Wells by the time I've finished with them.

[weekender]

Here's the most annoying thing "facial creampie". At that point you've just gone full-circle with the incorrectivitude.

What if you cup your hands to catch it when it drips out, then throw it in her face?

Although I have to be fair, we are potentially infringing on the Spiderman.

[mook]

KENT again... what have i told you about them?

dreadful place... turn your back for half a minute, next thing you know your fannies up on bricks.

[billtheburger]

It's just a vaginal, you simpering fucktards.

But that's also the name for the aftermath of a traumatic childbirth creating a need for stitches.

[Pancake]

More like cococunt oil!!!!!!

[Hangthebuggers]

If I was a lady, my Predator's maw would be delightful.

[Cerys]

But that's also the name for the aftermath of a traumatic childbirth creating a need for stitches.

Nah, that's specifically vaginal tearing.  Both are involved.  The face isn't involved in a vaginal steaming, unless the steamer and steamee are very good friends.

[billtheburger]

Well if I was a doctor / midwife, I'd call the resulting single hole a "vaganal".

[burned crumpet]

NSFW
http://s3.postimg.org/4b1y7irk3/1323730068452.jpg

Colonel Gaddafi, Prime Minister of Labia

[Guy]

This is such an American conceit. Cultural paranoia about the necessary renovation of flaps and pubes is measurable on the mass batshit insanity index (BATSHINDEX).

About a year ago, I started seeing these ads in the paper for 'Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation'. First it was a little ad. The next week, it was twice as big. And after a month, it was a full page-it just took over. Something in that triggered a bunch of associations and projections. Like, what kind of activities do you have to engage in to get to the point where you need to bring a laser into the equation?

[Kane Jones]

I'm not sure I want to live on a planet where the steaming of a vagina is referred to as a vagina facial.  It's just a vaginal, you simpering fucktards.

I wash my face in a vagina every morning.  I call it a 'vajacial'. 

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Imagine a vagina that has experienced intercourse 2000 times. And then think of every single cock slam it has experienced. And then imagine how much it has been fingered or fisted. And then have a child. And then add another load of intercourses. And then another child. And some more fisting, and fingering. (Especially the fisting.)

Imagine what's left.

I doff my cap to anyone who's keeping a tidy court after that pounding.

[Cerys]

Some ladies just ... erm ... bounce back.

[Head Gardener]

some famous vaginas - these are obviously NSFW but at least they are real!

Hillary Clinton : http://s11.postimage.org/td7ug9ywz/image.jpg

Julia Roberts : http://s11.postimage.org/cs4tecx6r/image.jpg

Sandra Bullock : http://s11.postimage.org/eqbhccpoj/image.jpg

Courtney Love : http://s11.postimage.org/tnjydd2wz/image.jpg

Winona Ryder : http://s11.postimage.org/aaxnku2o3/image.jpg

Jane Fonda : http://s8.postimage.org/5lqn9ot3p/image.jpg

Drew Barrymore : http://s11.postimage.org/rf5rw0vsz/image.jpg

[mook]

i'm nervous about clicking the courtney love. NERVOUS, but... nah, just nervous.


edit... christ - that belongs in seaworld. fuck!

[Guy]

some famous vaginas - these are obviously NSFW but at least they are real!

Er, isn't the idea that that they are illustrations of different types of vagina, to which each has humourously been assigned a celebrity name (to give an idea of the aesthetics therein)?

[Head Gardener]

dunno mate, I found them on a dodgy blog

[mook]

i've deffo seen the courtney love one peering up at me from a rockpool down birling gap when i've been ginning for prawns.

i wonder if it worshipped me like the crabs did the dog from the perishers? i'd like to think it did.



just change woof to mook and crabs to clunge and it's all there in b&w.

[Guy]

dunno mate, I found them on a dodgy blog

Shorn of the sweet, sweet bush of context

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

The Winona Ryder one looks like she's sat down naked on a giant piece of chewed up bubblegum and is now trying to extricate the results from her groin with both hands.

[chand]

I saw this doing the rounds on Twitter and decided not to read about it, on the assumption that whatever it was wouldn't live up to the sparkling promise of the name 'vagina facial'. And so it's proved.

It's not a fucking facial if it doesn't involve a face. The only way you could call it that is if your vagina was also a face, which would be genuinely horrifying, and no amount of goddamn lotion is gonna make your nightmarish face-minge look appealing.

[billtheburger]

Fact;
If we take cosmetic enhancements out of the equation, you will discover that a woman with big facial lips and dark nipples will have big labia and if the nipples are pink and facial lips thin, she will have small labia.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Next it will be a 'face facial', which is teetering around the realm of the absurd.