i accosted a celebrity today....

[mayer]

i'm back in London for two days (jewish new year, natch), and i decided to pop to Berwick Street to buy the Johnny Boy single (unfindable in Manchester it seems).


on the way to Sister Ray, i bump into.... wait for it... Christopher Morris.

i carry on walking, as he walks past and goes into a side-street.

"fuck this" i think and turn around and catch him up as he's about to sit down, have a coffee and listen to some tunes.

mayer: Chris!
Chris: *smiles* yes?
mayer: er, mumble-mumble... i'm er, just a fan...
Chris: thanks... *adjusts headphones*.  sorry, i'm not trying to block you out with noise
mayer: heh, er.... how's Box of Slice going.
Chris: it's being cut and that now, so it should be ready in four months or so
mayer: ummmm.... thanks.... g'bye *proffers my hand rather gimpishly, Chris shakes it and smiles a pleasant smile again*


ummmm... just thought i had to tell y'all.

[Purple Tentacle]

"Morris doesn't do interviews"


Hehe, nice story.



I walked past Damon Albarn on a narrow pedestrian bridge today, but he looked such a twat I just blanked him.  Take that, Albarn!

[Johnny Yesno]

You've...


touched...


Him...


Right. When's the next meet? It's just that I've got this bad back y'see and conventional medicine hasn't really worked and...

[butnut]

I've been in London for years, and I've never even smelt the bugger. One day I'm going to track him down.

However, a friend of mine was in a bar where Morris and the entire Blue Jam cast were having a do, just prior to the release of Jam on DVD. And get this, he had a CD of every episode of Blue Jam (the dodgy realplayer version, not the nice ones from this site) in his bag, which he was going to give to me as a birthday present, and he didn't get them to sign it. I still haven't forgiven him.

[Badly Drawn Hamster]

Berwick Street eh? Isn't that the full of dodgy prostitutes? You should have gone to see every single one of them and asked if they'd just slept with him. That's what I would have done anyway.

[BetaKarraTene]

What time did you see him? I was shopping there this afternoon and may have wandered past in my typical daydreaming daze.

I'm always in a tizz when trying to talk to people, not least when it's famous people. I was at the Shaun Of The Dead signing session, and I could hardly string 2 words together when trying to pluck up the courage to speak to them.

i decided to pop to Berwick Street to buy the Johnny Boy single

It's a cracker isn't it?!

[terminallyrelaxed]

I'd trade my three Alexei Sayles and the bloke from To The Manor Born for half a Morris...

[gazzyk1ns]

Heh, nice one Mayer...

I dare the next person to encounter Morris in real life to shout "This is the NEWWWWS!.... ahahah, don't mind me, I'm a bit MAD!!

[Dr David V]

Yet another opportunity to ask him what he had written on his pencil case as a schoolchild goes by...

4 months until BOS then? That's January. Not long to wait then!

[Hoogstraten'sSmilingUlcer]

Did you catch what he was listening to?

I thought he might be a bit stand-offish with fans, like Rowan 'Fuck Off' Atkinson or other comedians. I suppose it's different if you just approach him politely, rather than shrieking, 'THIS IS PAEDOGEDDON!' at him.

In the Upper Sixth, we thought about asking him for an interview for our crappy school magazine, on the wild off-chance that he be might so stunned by the offer that he accidentally agrees. But we didn't have a clue how to contact him or his agent, so we forgot about it. I'm hoping to try again for the uni mag.

[VegaLA]

Thats awesome.. i'm really quite jealous.
I've bumped into a few 'celebs' during some london walkabouts, Keith Allen who was very polite despite my conversation being focused on his being able to work with New Order and then Mary Tamm at Victoria station who was a little short with me but it was understandable since I thought she was as hot now as she was back in her glory day and I was probably drooling so...

[Garfield And Friends]

I walked past Damon Albarn on a narrow pedestrian bridge today, but he looked such a twat I just blanked him.  Take that, Albarn!

Excellent! I imagine he's still smarting inside from your snub.

[notnotnatnats]

Congrats Mayer, and from one jewish CM fan to another...

[Neil]

Four Months?  I was sure we'd see it this year.  Surprised you didn't ask him what he was listening to.  Was it a proper walkman, or an iPod?  It better not be the latter.  I wonder what Box of Slice will end up being called.  I bet it's "c*nt" to guarantee lots of press from the start.

[Krang]

Well that was a cool story :)

Would you have been as friendly if you asked what he was listening to and he said hed just bought the last  Johnny Boy single?

[gazzyk1ns]

Keith Allen

My mates who went to Glastonbury (either 96,97, or 98...) always tell me of a story about seeing Allen in real life. Apparently they were trudging away from the festival  with billions of others on a fairly narrow muddy dirt track. They said everyone was packed in like sardines, shuffling along slowly but surely. After a while, they came to a virtual standstill - because a car was lodged in the middle of the track. Clearly, it had started to drive down there when there were no, or at least not many, people walking along it, but had become swarmed to a standstill. Yup, it was Keith Allen's car, and he was just sitting in there with a resigned smirk on his face, whilst hundreds of people stared and/or shouted "Keith!" at him.

[mikeyg27]

Was it a proper walkman, or an iPod?  It better not be the latter.

Why? What are you gonna do about  it?

I know exactly what you mean. Poddie cunts.

[king_tubby]

My mate Allan accosted Chris Morris once, in that London. He stopped him on the street by saying 'Hey, I know you, you're Chris Morris.' Then spying the Daily Telegraph held under Chris' arm, said 'Why are you reading that?' Morris replied 'Research', then signed a scrap of it and walked off.

That is all.

[VorpalSword]

Congrats Mayer, and from one jewish CM fan to another...

sure, that picture looks innocent enough...but what those symbols are really saying is:

"Look Mayer, I know what your playing at, using New Year's Day as an excuse to pull a prank on all the other VWs and pretend you met Morris...Good work, we've gotta keep the Gentiles in order...watch how i hypnotise them with this weird background...."


i really am NOT anti-semantic...i just like to store my memories acoustically......

[non capisco]

Funnily enough, the one time I've seen Chris Morris in the flesh was on Berwick Street, walking into the newsagent's. And when he walked in all the lights inside suddenly blinked out (true) for he is THE DARK PRINCE OF COMEDY!!!!

He's very tall, isn't he?

[cilamc]

Wow, Chris Morris is one of the few people I'd be star-struck by!

I've seen...

Neil Hannon (he was in the same tiny little second hand record shop as me in Dublin, the manager of the shop was fawning over him. When Hannon went to buy a Bing Crosby 78 which was worth about €50 the manager just gave it to him. One day about a year later  I was chatting with said shop manager and he was wittering on about "oh yeah, we had New Order in here once...". A real taxi driver type.)

Reece Shearsmith (in the DVD section of HMV in Oxford Street)

Graham Coxon (also in Oxford Street)

Terry Hall (walking down Camden high street looking glum, brilliantly)

Bono (on many occasions in Temple Bar in Dublin. He walks around quite unbothered by people which is very strange)

Sinéad O'Connor (about 5 times in the space of a year, and no I wasn't stalking her)

Mrs. Doyle from Father Ted twice in the same week, the second time - in a nightclub - I did chat to her about comedy for a little bit. She was really nice!

And - the only "celebs" I've ever actually approached - Air in Paris Charles De Gaul airport in 98. I'd been to see them in concert in Dublin the previous night and happened to be going to Paris the next day on the same plane as them. I remember Jean-Benoit being really quiet and Nicolas being nice and chatty.   I was'nt stalking them.

I do sound like a right creep, don't I? :-(

[slim]

Are you Kenny Snr from Phoenix Nights?

Nahhh, just kiddin' wiv ya. You have seen an awful lot of famous people though.

[mayer]

cheers natnats, shanah tovah to you and everyone else about here.

BetaKarraTene  - yep, it sure is.... was it you that hosted it? i read some reviews but thought "nothing with a title that cool can actually be good", but it sounds more Spector than Spector! i had to have it.

it would've been about half past four. didn't get a look at the walkman, but the headphones were lovely big chunky ones.


i'm chuffed that HMV in Manchester is rubbish and two trucks chose to collide on the M6. the chap seemed remarkably pleasant despite being gibbered at by a dishevelled kid who had just-been-sleeping-for-five-hours-on-a-megabus hair.


edit: yep, quite tall.

[Hoogstraten'sSmilingUlcer]

The few celebrities I've met are all comedians, which is a good thing (one way or another).

Ardal O'Hanlon - after his live show at the Oxford Apollo. Waited for ages round the back and got his autograph and a handshake. A bit shorter than he looks on telly.

Ade Edmondson - I waited round the back after Bottom 4, but they didn't show. The next day though, I saw him walking down Broad Street and I so crossed the road, nearly getting run over three times, and breathlessly asked for his 'graph (and a handshake, of course). Like Ardal, he's a very welcoming man, but slightly odd looking in normal shirt and trousers, with no glasses, yet shaved head. Because I've been a Young Ones/Bottom fan for such a long time, I couldn't stop beaming like a fool, which may have made me look a bit of an obsessive.

Angus Deayton - me and a friend were trotting down Oxford Street and he was coming the other way. He had  a shopping bag, but I can't remember where from...damn, it was only in about 1998/9. Got a 'graph and a smile, and we told him how much we liked HIGFNY and Radio Active, which surprised him abit, I think.

I saw Will Self in Waterstones once, but didn't have the nerve to approach him, which bugs me to this day.

I thought I saw Chris Morris in my local video shop months and months ago. I came in and saw this very tall guy in a big overcoat and dark brown curly hair examining DVDs, and I thought to myself, 'Fuck me, it's Morris.' I sidled over to the same aisle and nudged towards him, and then turned round, thus getting a good look at him. And it wasn't him; this guy was about fifty and had glasses.

[Silver SurferGhost]

If I see a famous person, I try and leave them be mostly. They're just people after all. If I should interact with them on some level it's usually by accident.

So here are my incredible stories of some of my brushes with The Stars!!!

I once stood next to Peter Hooky Hook during his blonde phase at an Ian McNabb gig. He got to sit down though, the freeloader. He wore a silver puffer jacket all night even though it was boiling hot in there. He did not sweat one drop. He was with a lady who was neither Mrs Merton or Denise Royle, but I said nowt as he seemed proper hard.

I also saw Christopher Eccleston in the Rubbish HMV in Manchester in the mid 90s (shortly after he got killed off in Cracker anyway) when he was only semi-famous. Being the cravat-wearing star-spotting ponce that I am, I told the lady I was with, who'd never heard of him (I bet she feels pretty damn silly now, oh yes). He very wisely just kept his head down and pretended to be ordinary.

I also once saw that Tom Courtenay walking down Market Street in Manchester, most likely on his way to The Royal Exchange. He seemed to be wearing some sort of beret/cap affair and a scarf, and looked very much like AN ACTOR. He also looked all harassed and uncomfortable though, so I didn't like to bother him none. I can only hope he was still in costume or summat.

Sitting at the next table to Captain Sensible and watching him get steadily drunker as the night progressed in 1983 probably doesn't count.

Oh and I once sat across from the gymnast Suzanne Dando on a train trying not to keep looking at her legs.

By Association:

One of my very oldest girlfriends once walked right into Pete Townshend as he entered the London pub she was leaving (he never touched her m'Lud, she was 16 at the time). She said "My boyfriend thinks you're great!" and he apparently said "Oh" and carried on walking. Sounds about right. of course it was really him, no-one else on Earth looks like Pete Townshend (for Pete's sake). Oh, apart from his mum.

My own mother once shook hands with Ken Dodd while I was an itsy-bitsy diddy man in her womb, that counts (a crisp fiver to the Whore who chips in with the best tickling stick innuendo).
On the same trip to Blackpool, Bernie Winters of Mike and Bernie Winters infamy complimented her on her laugh during a show (because she was the only one doing any, she says).
On a subsequent trip to Blackpool when I was about three (we're unimaginative us Northerners, remember) I apparently had my facial cheeks squeezed by the comedienne Hylda Baker. I don't remember it but have never washed my face since, just in case.

And then there was the time Dan Leno and Little Titch double-teamed my Great Aunt Flo round the back of The Liverpool Empire in 1908 etc

As for any actual physical accostment of and/or vague acquaintance with The Stars, I can't say anymore as it'd reveal the truth (ahhh, or not, ahhh) about some of the stuff I said in the Three Things thread.


PS: Errr no,  I have never seen Chris Morris. Sorry.
.

[fanny splendid]

Was it a proper walkman, or an iPod?  It better not be the latter.

Why? What are you gonna do about  it?

I know exactly what you mean. Poddie cunts.

I notice your intention to come along to the Birmingham meet, and so for the purposes of taunting the poor, i shall bring along my own iPod. Being the cunt that i am...

[elderford]

iPods, any street tuff worth their salt can recognise their tell-tale white headphone leads. Middle class owners in my area have gone to the lengths of replacing them with the standard black ones to avoid the envious glances of poor people.

[fanny splendid]

Gosh, that local press, eh?

I have a pair of excellent quality, yet black, Sony earphones, and use them all of the time when I am in doors. Yet whenever I am out and about with my iPod, I only use the white ones. I want you to come and have a go.

[BetaKarraTene]

BetaKarraTene  - yep, it sure is.... was it you that hosted it?

Yes it was! I now feel partly responsible for the whole incident, which has brightened up my day.

it would've been about half past four.

Damn. I was just exiting the area then. If only Supersize Me was 10 minutes longer...

I'm rubbish at spotting celebrities. I've only ever seen them at gigs, and even then they're only celebrities that everyone hates. I saw the lead singer of Busted at a Kings Of Leon gig and Zane Lowe at a Libertines one.

[dirkfunk]

i said a few words to simon pegg t'other day in The Toucan, just off Soho Square

he was with Michael Smiley who played Tyres in spaced