Author Topic: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!  (Read 11182 times)

Catalogue Trousers

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The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« on: February 11, 2015, 10:13:15 PM »
I couldn't find the old thread easily, so - for all of those who love Channel Television's finest - rejoice!

More of the Captain has been brought to light...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ekujLk3xS8&feature=youtu.be

Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #1 on: February 11, 2015, 10:21:46 PM »
How wonderful! I love the Butterfieldness of the bit where he's listing all the different cuts of meat

What's he saying at the start of the third one? It sounds like "Wiiiiiine, the great enemy!"

THE DRUMBEAT OF SUCCESS!!

Catalogue Trousers

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Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2015, 10:36:04 PM »
He's saying - I think - "wines to grace any meal", but that's exactly what I thought he was saying at first as well!

Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #3 on: February 11, 2015, 11:13:44 PM »
He's saying - I think - "wines to grace any meal", but that's exactly what I thought he was saying at first as well!

Ah, I think you've nailed it. Pity really, I was enjoying imagining Captain Two Litarrrr's one-man campaign against the encroaching forces of the dreaded grape.

I can't get over these. There's so much to take in, so many delightfully peculiar touches.

McDOUGALL'S FLOUR, ONE AND A HALF KILL-OH!

FOUR SUPERLATIVES INDEED!


Catalogue Trousers

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Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2015, 12:09:20 AM »
It's the way he turns the phrase "Flora Oil" into a bizarre, Lovecraftian slurring.

Mr_Simnock

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Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2015, 03:01:25 AM »
I don't think Special Brew will ever be so gloriously introduced ever again, he makes it actually sound special. It's now a Marks and Spencer but the building still looks the same under the cosmetic change. Next time I travel to Jersey I must track this place down and grab some shopping there.

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@49.169236,-2.08426,3a,75y,98.92h,84.35t/data=!3m4!1e1!3m2!1sESS-qnGRhXanw1HOuXMakg!2e0

Catalogue Trousers

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Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2015, 03:21:58 AM »
The Benests food hall is still there, very slightly face-lifted...


Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2015, 04:17:26 AM »
http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,46470.msg2462777.html#msg2462777 :(

Edit: should have probably been a new thread to begin with to be fair. The more people get onboard with our Cap'n the better.
« Last Edit: February 12, 2015, 04:39:28 AM by lazarou »

BPFHAY

  • And when you didn't she was brought to me in pain
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #8 on: February 12, 2015, 05:32:38 AM »
I am filled with longing.

im barry bethel

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Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #9 on: February 12, 2015, 06:44:18 AM »
Are/were the Benests some sort of Jersey mafia?, a quick search turns up Benest's estate agents and Benest's solicitors as well as Benest's of Millbrook & Fineprice (St.Clements coast road).

mook

  • what a bulb
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #10 on: February 12, 2015, 08:43:54 AM »
Are/were the Benests some sort of Jersey mafia?, a quick search turns up Benest's estate agents and Benest's solicitors as well as Benest's of Millbrook & Fineprice (St.Clements coast road).

a little. they're also related (by marriage) to roys of wroxham.

Don_Preston

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Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #11 on: February 12, 2015, 11:52:01 AM »
"Tetley Tea Bags - heighties!"

mook

  • what a bulb
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #12 on: February 12, 2015, 11:55:27 AM »
the major sounded right narked that the spesh had 10% extra in it free. quite right to, he knew for every 50 visits the brewzombies made he was losing out on five chances of flogging them some bacon. GREEN COLLAR!!

non capisco

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Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #13 on: February 12, 2015, 05:15:21 PM »
THE DRUMBEAT OF SUCCESS!

God, I love that.

doppelkorn

  • I just can't stop thinkin about the film Space Jam
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #14 on: February 12, 2015, 05:23:06 PM »
The way he reads on the whole series makes it sounds like he drinks, and not in small amounts. However he's able to hold it together just enough to rattle of a list of products and prices. Sure there's a few weird intonations and a bizarre accent but he's a military man, Marjorie, you wouldn't understand the things he's seen. Then when he gets to the sign off (a simple "Benest's of Millbrook, and Fineprice") he lets it all out because he knows he seconds away from a big swig of lovely booze.

Perhaps wine is the great enemy.

BPFHAY

  • And when you didn't she was brought to me in pain
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #15 on: February 12, 2015, 05:27:44 PM »
I love that he even mentions the success, because it's his success, not the customer's. He just feels the need to remind them he's raking it in, and in a very ostentatious way.

Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #16 on: February 12, 2015, 05:29:58 PM »
I love the exterior shots in these adverts too.  Looks like the opening credits of a bad 80s supermarket-based soap full of wonky sets and ham acting.

im barry bethel

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Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #17 on: February 12, 2015, 06:41:26 PM »
I love the way this guy harks back to a simpler way of life (that probably didn't exist), he's all summer evenings and endless ice creams and first loves, a solid dependable bulwark against the growing Tesco town peril.
Quote
My mother was a friend of Stuart and Dorothy Benest, and living close by at Millbrook, we used to do most of our shopping at Benest's. I recall Stuart as a very hands-on manager, always on the shop floor greeting his regular customers. My mother, my brother and I had only to step inside the doorway to hear Stuart's 'sergeant-major' voice booming out a welcoming 'Hello Peg!'. John Benest was much the quieter of the two cousins, beavering away eagerly in the background.

http://www.theislandwiki.org/index.php/Benest%27s_of_Millbrook

Someone really needs to write one of those local history books on him


Edit. please no, it seems the captain was mixed up with Ted Heath and his boats


http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morning_Cloud

doppelkorn

  • I just can't stop thinkin about the film Space Jam
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #18 on: February 12, 2015, 07:42:31 PM »
Quote
Mrs Benest was the widow of Stuart Nicole Benest (“Mr Benest”) who died on 10th September, 2002

http://www.jerseylaw.je/judgments/unreportedjudgments/documents/display.aspx?url=2011/11-12-15_Syvret-v-Benest_233.htm

Noooooooooo!

doppelkorn

  • I just can't stop thinkin about the film Space Jam
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #19 on: February 12, 2015, 07:42:45 PM »
Also, Nicole. Saucy fucker.

doppelkorn

  • I just can't stop thinkin about the film Space Jam
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #20 on: February 12, 2015, 07:44:03 PM »
His "substantial" house was called Tamale.


im barry bethel

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Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #21 on: February 12, 2015, 08:04:27 PM »
I'd like to think the captains passing made top story on the jersey evening news, then on the day of the funeral the whole island came to a standstill, schools closed and the cranes in the harbour dipped their jobs. Bet the wake was a soundtrack of two litaaaaar impersonations and chipsteaks.

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #22 on: February 15, 2015, 05:44:39 PM »
This has made my week.

"Peh-pound!"

"Four superlatives indeed!"

When he reads out the wine list it's like he's auctioning the bottles. The music that bookends the ad is pure 70's light-entertainment. Marvellous.

Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #23 on: February 15, 2015, 07:47:03 PM »
I love the exterior shots in these adverts too.  Looks like the opening credits of a bad 80s supermarket-based soap full of wonky sets and ham acting.

Yes! Those shots give me a feeling of nostalgia for a kind of depression I've not felt since I was child in the 80s - the kind of place where after a Sunday afternoon being of dragged round MFI and a branch of Allied Carpets out in East Kilbride or somewhere, we'd stop off somewhere like that to pick up some messages on the way home. As I'd be trudging my way round the store I'd be hoping against hope there'd be at least be some sort of toy aisle....maybe even a couple of computer games! There usually wouldn't be anything, though. Maybe a couple of unofficial wrestling figures and a cheap knock off version of a Super Soaker to look at, if I was lucky. And then it'd be back home for homework and Antiques Roadshow.

« Last Edit: February 15, 2015, 08:09:37 PM by I.D. Smith »

Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #24 on: February 15, 2015, 08:48:46 PM »
Quote
I love the exterior shots in these adverts too.  Looks like the opening credits of a bad 80s supermarket-based soap full of wonky sets and ham acting.

A nice companion piece to this is the other video that was uploaded alongside this one, "Your guide to good eating in Jersey". Featuring no shortage of chubby locals and that special kind of grim style you get when you shoot '80s eateries in regular light with the actual greying slabs of fare they serve. In an age of food stylists that bowl of sodden kiwis looks like something they dredged out of a ditch. It's all got an endearing bleakness to it that feels entirely of its time.

23 Daves

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Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #25 on: February 15, 2015, 09:30:20 PM »
What I love about this is that someone at Channel TV is looking at the stats for their Benest's adverts and realising that they're on to a good thing.

"Mmm - this appears to be attracting more viewers than anything else in our archive…."

I'm also very glad to learn that the days when I could just have bacon for breakfast are GONE, and that's all thanks to the special bacon and the special high-quality, closely supervised produce of Benest's. He invented bacon for dinner. We were all just waiting to receive the orders.

Angrew Lloyg Wegger

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Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #26 on: February 15, 2015, 11:35:40 PM »
Sadly, my favourite one seems to have disappeared from the tubes - the one where he offers such refreshing beverages as "titan pilsnaaar and titan bitaaaar".

Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #27 on: February 15, 2015, 11:52:32 PM »
Serafinowicz would love this shit.

Mr_Simnock

  • BREXIT? what brexit
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #28 on: February 16, 2015, 12:25:47 AM »
The man himself appears in this one, YOU WILL LOVE THESE FUCKING TOP STAKES

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekPmkicR34Q#t=0

monkfromhavana

  • Top one, nice one, get sorted
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #29 on: February 16, 2015, 12:45:42 PM »
The man himself appears in this one, YOU WILL LOVE THESE FUCKING TOP STAKES

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekPmkicR34Q#t=0

The Captain!!

What entirely new thing do these chipsteaks (32p each, packed in twos) actually represent?