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The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!

Started by Catalogue Trousers, February 11, 2015, 10:13:15 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Catalogue Trousers

QuoteI think this is the definitive Benest's of Millbrook (and FinePrice) ad.  Obviously the old stick appears in person, and there is a belter of a Benest-ism in 'tremendous protein value'.  Such a likeable insufferable pompous arsehole.

Also contains another two of my favourite Benest-isms in 'relentless supervision' and 'you will love them'. I also love the way that he croons 'as befits a true convenience food' with near-paternal pride.

Glebe

Quote from: Catalogue Trousers on December 10, 2017, 06:17:23 PM'you will love them'.

I can just imagine The Captain, dressed in immaculate robes, addressing his followers in a secret cavern beneath Benest's before the annual Chipsteak sacrifice begins.

These adverts are brilliant, cheap but to the point, and they have a charismatic nature that you wouldn't get with adverts for Asda or Tesco. His pronunciation is brilliant, and those steakchips look delicious.

Glebe

As memories of 2017 fade into the mists of time, let's look forward to the possibility of new Two Litar clips with renewed vigour!


doppelkorn

It's worth repeating the fact major Stuart Nicole Benest called his "substantial" house Tamale.

doppelkorn


Glebe

Quote from: setabapu on May 09, 2019, 01:38:29 PMPretty! This has been an extremely wonderful article. Thank you for providing this information. https://downloader4twitter.com/ download twitter video from here.

I would describe the Captain as a lot of things, but 'pretty' ain't one!

gilbertharding

Quote from: setabapu on May 09, 2019, 01:38:29 PM
Pretty! This has been an extremely wonderful article. Thank you for providing this information. https://downloader4twitter.com/ download twitter video from here.

Nah - not clicking on that mate.

QDRPHNC

Quote from: shiftwork2 on December 10, 2017, 05:55:54 PM
I think this is the definitive Benest's of Millbrook (and FinePrice) ad.  Obviously the old stick appears in person, and there is a belter of a Benest-ism in 'tremendous protein value'.  Such a likeable insufferable pompous arsehole.

Love the pan to the frozen food bin.

Norton Canes

Quote from: QDRPHNC on May 09, 2019, 02:03:41 PM
Love the pan to the frozen food bin

Which is so full, the packs at the top are barely in a cold draught

Blumf

Quote from: Glebe on May 09, 2019, 01:40:05 PM
I would describe the Captain as a lot of things, but 'pretty' ain't one!

How about 'succulent'?

Glebe

Quote from: Blumf on May 09, 2019, 03:19:29 PM
How about 'succulent'?

Perhaps... he's certainly of superior quality.



Glebe


mothman

I suppose it must be possible to identify where the stores were/are? That quarter of Jersey is the one I'm least familiar with (because it's a bit shit, really).

These adverts really are the best. I especially like ..''the ideal companion for those barbecue meals..and superbly priced'' at 1.56. Can't wait for more to be uploaded. LIT-AAARRRR.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ekujLk3xS8&t=77s

DrGreggles


Glebe

Quote from: DrGreggles on September 21, 2019, 01:17:17 AMOr the puppy gets it!

And if the puppy does get, it'll be succulent burgers, two per pand!

canadagoose

Quote from: mothman on September 21, 2019, 12:31:35 AM
I suppose it must be possible to identify where the stores were/are? That quarter of Jersey is the one I'm least familiar with (because it's a bit shit, really).
Benest's of Millbrook, and Fineprice, St Clement's Coast Road

Jasha

Quote from: Glebe on September 21, 2019, 02:28:44 AM
And if the puppy does get, it'll be succulent burgers, two per pand!

burgers?, they're chipsteaks!


Another little nugget is The Benests of Millbrook One Hundred Years 1888-1988 (sadly currently unavailable) with a foreword from the good captain himself

Quote



mothman

He wrote like he talked! All the words are English, you can understand it, but at the same time it's like no language you've ever encountered.

Quote from: canadagoose on September 21, 2019, 03:54:37 AM
Benest's of Millbrook, and Fineprice, St Clement's Coast Road

Spoiler: a Morrison's and a M&S Simply Food. How the mighty, etc.

I'm reading this internally and hearing the captain's reverb soaked voice. Superlative command of the English language.

Glebe



"Long ago, a philosophy of retailing was established at Benest's of Millbrook, and embraces our Fineprice store. It was to offer the greatest possible range of goods, at competitive prices, and support this with high quality service, and customer convenience. The constant growth of our provisions, fresh meat and chemist departments, in tandem with a vast self-service element, testifies to the wisdom of this approach. The new technologies, though accepted, will not interfere! Benest's of Millbrook, and Fineprice!"

Quote from: Glebe on September 21, 2019, 04:22:32 PM


"Long ago, a philosophy of retailing was established at Benest's of Millbrook, and embraces our Fineprice store. It was to offer the greatest possible range of goods, at competitive prices, and support this with high quality service, and customer convenience. The constant growth of our provisions, fresh meat and chemist departments, in tandem with a vast self-service element, testifies to the wisdom of this approach. The new technologies, though accepted, will not interfere! Benest's of Millbrook, and Fineprice!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFOBkK63MsU

WINE! The glory of a meal.

Glebe



"Drums... the Drumbeat of Success in the deep... the Great Enemy is upon us... WINE! We cannot get out... we cannot get out..."

Quote from: Glebe on September 21, 2019, 07:29:45 PM


"Drums... the Drumbeat of Success in the deep... the Great Enemy is upon us... WINE! We cannot get out... we cannot get out..."

Superlative. This meme has tremendous protein value.

mothman

I can just imagine him reciting "Ozymandias."

QuoteYou must look upon my works, you and your family, and despair. Crosse & Blackwell baked beans, fifty-two pence a can.

Twed

Quote from: Jasha on September 21, 2019, 11:19:32 AM
Another little nugget is The Benests of Millbrook One Hundred Years 1888-1988 (sadly currently unavailable)
Sadly being shipped to me at great expense, more like. This shit has to be archived.