Author Topic: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!  (Read 22711 times)

Catalogue Trousers

  • With tremendous protein value
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #90 on: December 10, 2017, 06:17:23 PM »
Quote
I think this is the definitive Benest's of Millbrook (and FinePrice) ad.  Obviously the old stick appears in person, and there is a belter of a Benest-ism in 'tremendous protein value'.  Such a likeable insufferable pompous arsehole.

Also contains another two of my favourite Benest-isms in 'relentless supervision' and 'you will love them'. I also love the way that he croons 'as befits a true convenience food' with near-paternal pride.

Glebe

  • On my own on Saturdays.
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #91 on: December 10, 2017, 06:21:01 PM »
'you will love them'.

I can just imagine The Captain, dressed in immaculate robes, addressing his followers in a secret cavern beneath Benest's before the annual Chipsteak sacrifice begins.

Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #92 on: February 25, 2018, 03:46:15 PM »
These adverts are brilliant, cheap but to the point, and they have a charismatic nature that you wouldn't get with adverts for Asda or Tesco. His pronunciation is brilliant, and those steakchips look delicious.

Glebe

  • On my own on Saturdays.
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #93 on: February 25, 2018, 10:39:45 PM »
As memories of 2017 fade into the mists of time, let's look forward to the possibility of new Two Litar clips with renewed vigour!

Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #94 on: February 26, 2018, 10:09:32 AM »
those steakchips look delicious.

You will love them.

doppelkorn

  • I just can't stop thinkin about the film Space Jam
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #95 on: February 27, 2018, 04:20:24 PM »
It's worth repeating the fact major Stuart Nicole Benest called his "substantial" house Tamale.

doppelkorn

  • I just can't stop thinkin about the film Space Jam
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #96 on: February 27, 2018, 04:32:50 PM »

Glebe

  • On my own on Saturdays.
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #97 on: May 09, 2019, 01:40:05 PM »
Pretty! This has been an extremely wonderful article. Thank you for providing this information. https://downloader4twitter.com/ download twitter video from here.

I would describe the Captain as a lot of things, but 'pretty' ain't one!

gilbertharding

  • Not even the rudest man in the Beatles
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #98 on: May 09, 2019, 01:40:46 PM »
Pretty! This has been an extremely wonderful article. Thank you for providing this information. https://downloader4twitter.com/ download twitter video from here.

Nah - not clicking on that mate.

QDRPHNC

  • Golden Member
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  • "A soupçon of pizzazz."
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #99 on: May 09, 2019, 02:03:41 PM »
I think this is the definitive Benest's of Millbrook (and FinePrice) ad.  Obviously the old stick appears in person, and there is a belter of a Benest-ism in 'tremendous protein value'.  Such a likeable insufferable pompous arsehole.

Love the pan to the frozen food bin.

Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #100 on: May 09, 2019, 02:28:06 PM »
Love the pan to the frozen food bin

Which is so full, the packs at the top are barely in a cold draught

Blumf

  • Not long now
    • IGNORE ME!!!
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #101 on: May 09, 2019, 03:19:29 PM »
I would describe the Captain as a lot of things, but 'pretty' ain't one!

How about 'succulent'?

Glebe

  • On my own on Saturdays.
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #102 on: May 09, 2019, 05:40:06 PM »
How about 'succulent'?

Perhaps... he's certainly of superior quality.

Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #103 on: September 19, 2019, 02:23:42 AM »
In the old traditional way.

Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #104 on: September 20, 2019, 02:06:12 PM »
YOU WILL LOVE THEM..AND SO WILL YOUR FAMILY

Glebe

  • On my own on Saturdays.
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #105 on: September 20, 2019, 11:56:25 PM »
Coca-Colar!

mothman

  • I don't know why
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #106 on: September 21, 2019, 12:31:35 AM »
I suppose it must be possible to identify where the stores were/are? That quarter of Jersey is the one I’m least familiar with (because it’s a bit shit, really).

Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #107 on: September 21, 2019, 12:48:08 AM »
These adverts really are the best. I especially like ..''the ideal companion for those barbecue meals..and superbly priced'' at 1.56. Can't wait for more to be uploaded. LIT-AAARRRR.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ekujLk3xS8&t=77s

Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #108 on: September 21, 2019, 01:17:17 AM »
YOU WILL LOVE THEM..AND SO WILL YOUR FAMILY

Or the puppy gets it!

Glebe

  • On my own on Saturdays.
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #109 on: September 21, 2019, 02:28:44 AM »
Or the puppy gets it!

And if the puppy does get, it'll be succulent burgers, two per pand!

canadagoose

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Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #110 on: September 21, 2019, 03:54:37 AM »
I suppose it must be possible to identify where the stores were/are? That quarter of Jersey is the one I’m least familiar with (because it’s a bit shit, really).
Benest's of Millbrook, and Fineprice, St Clement's Coast Road

Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #111 on: September 21, 2019, 11:19:32 AM »
And if the puppy does get, it'll be succulent burgers, two per pand!

 burgers?, they're chipsteaks!


Another little nugget is The Benests of Millbrook One Hundred Years 1888-1988 (sadly currently unavailable) with a foreword from the good captain himself

Quote



mothman

  • I don't know why
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #112 on: September 21, 2019, 11:26:36 AM »
He wrote like he talked! All the words are English, you can understand it, but at the same time it’s like no language you’ve ever encountered.

Benest's of Millbrook, and Fineprice, St Clement's Coast Road

Spoiler: a Morrison’s and a M&S Simply Food. How the mighty, etc.

Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #113 on: September 21, 2019, 03:17:09 PM »
I'm reading this internally and hearing the captain's reverb soaked voice. Superlative command of the English language.

Glebe

  • On my own on Saturdays.
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #114 on: September 21, 2019, 04:22:32 PM »


"Long ago, a philosophy of retailing was established at Benest's of Millbrook, and embraces our Fineprice store. It was to offer the greatest possible range of goods, at competitive prices, and support this with high quality service, and customer convenience. The constant growth of our provisions, fresh meat and chemist departments, in tandem with a vast self-service element, testifies to the wisdom of this approach. The new technologies, though accepted, will not interfere! Benest's of Millbrook, and Fineprice!"

Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #115 on: September 21, 2019, 06:21:22 PM »


"Long ago, a philosophy of retailing was established at Benest's of Millbrook, and embraces our Fineprice store. It was to offer the greatest possible range of goods, at competitive prices, and support this with high quality service, and customer convenience. The constant growth of our provisions, fresh meat and chemist departments, in tandem with a vast self-service element, testifies to the wisdom of this approach. The new technologies, though accepted, will not interfere! Benest's of Millbrook, and Fineprice!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFOBkK63MsU

WINE! The glory of a meal.

Glebe

  • On my own on Saturdays.
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #116 on: September 21, 2019, 07:29:45 PM »


"Drums... the Drumbeat of Success in the deep... the Great Enemy is upon us... WINE! We cannot get out... we cannot get out..."

Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #117 on: September 21, 2019, 10:12:03 PM »


"Drums... the Drumbeat of Success in the deep... the Great Enemy is upon us... WINE! We cannot get out... we cannot get out..."

Superlative. This meme has tremendous protein value.

mothman

  • I don't know why
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #118 on: September 21, 2019, 10:15:45 PM »
I can just imagine him reciting “Ozymandias.”

Quote
You must look upon my works, you and your family, and despair. Crosse & Blackwell baked beans, fifty-two pence a can.

Twed

  • What, prick? That's my child. My Johnson's child
Re: The Return Of CAPTAIN TWO-LITAAAAAR!!!
« Reply #119 on: September 21, 2019, 11:23:40 PM »
Another little nugget is The Benests of Millbrook One Hundred Years 1888-1988 (sadly currently unavailable)
Sadly being shipped to me at great expense, more like. This shit has to be archived.