Author Topic: Only Fools and 3 Courses  (Read 62197 times)

Gurke and Hare

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Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #600 on: November 20, 2020, 12:16:54 PM »
If I die, I want to make it clear that my cadaver is not to be carted around in any vehicle with fewer than 4 wheels.

Make note, everyone.

Define vehicle. I see 5 wheels in the photo above your post.

gilbertharding

  • Not even the rudest man in the Beatles
Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #601 on: November 20, 2020, 12:24:00 PM »
I'd make an exception for something like this:



Out of consideration for the mourners. Funerals take all day if you're not careful.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #602 on: November 20, 2020, 12:28:57 PM »
Define vehicle. I see 5 wheels in the photo above your post.

Ok in that case I stipulate that the number of wheels on my cadaver-wagon must be divisible by 2.

That leaves the door open for a motorbike balancing act for the ages, but excludes robin reliant vans and similar[1]
 1. thoigh you could weld two such vehicles together for 6 total wheels and get around my final wishes that way I suppose

Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #603 on: November 20, 2020, 12:31:26 PM »
Couldve made Cassandra's miscarriage a much lighter affair

Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #604 on: November 20, 2020, 01:58:59 PM »
Ok in that case I stipulate that the number of wheels on my cadaver-wagon must be divisible by 2.

That leaves the door open for a motorbike balancing act for the ages, but excludes robin reliant vans and similar[1]
 1. thoigh you could weld two such vehicles together for 6 total wheels and get around my final wishes that way I suppose

Maybe they'll offer the lesser known Trotter pratmobile as an option.

kalowski

  • the Zone of Zero Funkativity
Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #605 on: November 20, 2020, 05:17:04 PM »
When I die I'd like my body to fall through the bar.

Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #606 on: November 20, 2020, 05:49:05 PM »
I want the full Fools service.

I will be led the wrong way down a one way street in a three-wheeled hearse with the pratmobile and Denzil's truck following on. A blow up doll should inflate in the back. The church will have a leaky roof and a statue of Mary crying. The priest shall incorrectly refer to me as "Dave". The wine should be Romanian pre-blessed wine. As everybody leaves, a group of people will be hired to pretend my actual funeral was over the road. I will be buried with the priests stolen hat. The reception will be held at a luminous yellow hall with a chandelier set to fall from the ceiling at some point in the evening. Extra hot curry with be served at which point people will be incentivised to shout out "Gary" repeatedly.

Also somebody should be falsely accused of rape at some point in the day and be forced to go into hiding.

kalowski

  • the Zone of Zero Funkativity
Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #607 on: November 20, 2020, 06:39:20 PM »
I want the full Fools service.

I will be led the wrong way down a one way street in a three-wheeled hearse with the pratmobile and Denzil's truck following on. A blow up doll should inflate in the back. The church will have a leaky roof and a statue of Mary crying. The priest shall incorrectly refer to me as "Dave". The wine should be Romanian pre-blessed wine. As everybody leaves, a group of people will be hired to pretend my actual funeral was over the road. I will be buried with the priests stolen hat. The reception will be held at a luminous yellow hall with a chandelier set to fall from the ceiling at some point in the evening. Extra hot curry with be served at which point people will be incentivised to shout out "Gary" repeatedly.

Also somebody should be falsely accused of rape at some point in the day and be forced to go into hiding.
Body put into a fake ambulance.

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #608 on: November 20, 2020, 08:12:44 PM »
when I die I'd like to be brought back a few years later for a series of specials, to rapidly and obviously diminishing returns

Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #609 on: November 20, 2020, 09:27:32 PM »
I want my corpse to be hopelessly and rather cynically used for a series of comedy dinner shows and then an unintentionally hilarious youtube video promoting a coach trip

jenna appleseed

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Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #610 on: November 21, 2020, 08:17:29 PM »
<deso>David Jason reads all the recent posts about Only Fools & Hearses and hurriedly changes his will to make sure absolutely none of his [much/un]loved/distant/estranged/great[great x2000] relatives can give him anything vaguely resembling a comedy OFAH themed funeral, or 'borrow' his corpse for the memorial pub drinks and make it fall through the bar 'because it's what he would've wanted'. </deso>

Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #611 on: November 21, 2020, 08:39:59 PM »
Just booked the Only Fools holiday experience. I need to pretend to be a teenager and join the Groovy Gang for a week. While there the mafia will try to kill me.

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #612 on: November 21, 2020, 11:04:39 PM »
<deso>David Jason reads all the recent posts about Only Fools & Hearses and hurriedly changes his will to make sure absolutely none of his [much/un]loved/distant/estranged/great[great x2000] relatives can give him anything vaguely resembling a comedy OFAH themed funeral, or 'borrow' his corpse for the memorial pub drinks and make it fall through the bar 'because it's what he would've wanted'. </deso>

David Jason really wants his corpse to fall through a bar, just not anywhere near those cunts

Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #613 on: November 21, 2020, 11:06:19 PM »
David Jason's death won't be announced. They'll just say he's gone to prison and replace him with Sid.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #614 on: November 22, 2020, 12:14:47 AM »
<deso>David Jason reads all the recent posts about Only Fools & Hearses and hurriedly changes his will to make sure absolutely none of his [much/un]loved/distant/estranged/great[great x2000] relatives can give him anything vaguely resembling a comedy OFAH themed funeral, or 'borrow' his corpse for the memorial pub drinks and make it fall through the bar 'because it's what he would've wanted'. </deso>

His family accede to his wishes and he gets a Touch of Frost sendoff instead. During the eulogy, someone apprehends a paedophile.

gilbertharding

  • Not even the rudest man in the Beatles
Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #615 on: November 22, 2020, 12:22:55 PM »
Are we talking about David Jason, and *just not mentioning* the fact he's just published an autobiography with the title 'One Dell of a Life'?

Fucking hell.

Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #616 on: November 22, 2020, 12:36:55 PM »
it'd be funny if he spelt his character's name wrong on the cover but alas#



why not buy it for the tattooed fan in your life who already has these








imitationleather

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Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #617 on: November 22, 2020, 12:44:22 PM »
Has he had his knighthood taken away or something? Why isn't he SIR DAVID JASON on the newer books?

Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #618 on: November 22, 2020, 01:44:08 PM »
legend del mode vs Sir Jason Treasure in Sunday best.

buzby

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Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #619 on: November 22, 2020, 09:27:25 PM »
His family accede to his wishes and he gets a Touch of Frost sendoff instead. During the eulogy, someone apprehends a paedophile.
Probably one of his old flying club chums in the congregation.

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: Only Fools and 3 Courses
« Reply #620 on: November 23, 2020, 05:02:31 PM »
His family have him buried with a live macaque