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March 29, 2024, 01:20:08 AM

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Only Fools and 3 Courses

Started by chocolate teapot, February 28, 2015, 12:16:22 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Gurke and Hare

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on November 20, 2020, 11:28:53 AM
If I die, I want to make it clear that my cadaver is not to be carted around in any vehicle with fewer than 4 wheels.

Make note, everyone.

Define vehicle. I see 5 wheels in the photo above your post.

gilbertharding

I'd make an exception for something like this:



Out of consideration for the mourners. Funerals take all day if you're not careful.

Ferris

Quote from: Gurke and Hare on November 20, 2020, 12:16:54 PM
Define vehicle. I see 5 wheels in the photo above your post.

Ok in that case I stipulate that the number of wheels on my cadaver-wagon must be divisible by 2.

That leaves the door open for a motorbike balancing act for the ages, but excludes robin reliant vans and similar[nb]thoigh you could weld two such vehicles together for 6 total wheels and get around my final wishes that way I suppose[/nb]

idunnosomename

Couldve made Cassandra's miscarriage a much lighter affair

JamesTC

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on November 20, 2020, 12:28:57 PM
Ok in that case I stipulate that the number of wheels on my cadaver-wagon must be divisible by 2.

That leaves the door open for a motorbike balancing act for the ages, but excludes robin reliant vans and similar[nb]thoigh you could weld two such vehicles together for 6 total wheels and get around my final wishes that way I suppose[/nb]

Maybe they'll offer the lesser known Trotter pratmobile as an option.

kalowski

When I die I'd like my body to fall through the bar.

JamesTC

I want the full Fools service.

I will be led the wrong way down a one way street in a three-wheeled hearse with the pratmobile and Denzil's truck following on. A blow up doll should inflate in the back. The church will have a leaky roof and a statue of Mary crying. The priest shall incorrectly refer to me as "Dave". The wine should be Romanian pre-blessed wine. As everybody leaves, a group of people will be hired to pretend my actual funeral was over the road. I will be buried with the priests stolen hat. The reception will be held at a luminous yellow hall with a chandelier set to fall from the ceiling at some point in the evening. Extra hot curry with be served at which point people will be incentivised to shout out "Gary" repeatedly.

Also somebody should be falsely accused of rape at some point in the day and be forced to go into hiding.

kalowski

Quote from: JamesTC on November 20, 2020, 05:49:05 PM
I want the full Fools service.

I will be led the wrong way down a one way street in a three-wheeled hearse with the pratmobile and Denzil's truck following on. A blow up doll should inflate in the back. The church will have a leaky roof and a statue of Mary crying. The priest shall incorrectly refer to me as "Dave". The wine should be Romanian pre-blessed wine. As everybody leaves, a group of people will be hired to pretend my actual funeral was over the road. I will be buried with the priests stolen hat. The reception will be held at a luminous yellow hall with a chandelier set to fall from the ceiling at some point in the evening. Extra hot curry with be served at which point people will be incentivised to shout out "Gary" repeatedly.

Also somebody should be falsely accused of rape at some point in the day and be forced to go into hiding.
Body put into a fake ambulance.

petril

when I die I'd like to be brought back a few years later for a series of specials, to rapidly and obviously diminishing returns

idunnosomename

I want my corpse to be hopelessly and rather cynically used for a series of comedy dinner shows and then an unintentionally hilarious youtube video promoting a coach trip

jenna appleseed

<deso>David Jason reads all the recent posts about Only Fools & Hearses and hurriedly changes his will to make sure absolutely none of his [much/un]loved/distant/estranged/great[great x2000] relatives can give him anything vaguely resembling a comedy OFAH themed funeral, or 'borrow' his corpse for the memorial pub drinks and make it fall through the bar 'because it's what he would've wanted'. </deso>

JamesTC

Just booked the Only Fools holiday experience. I need to pretend to be a teenager and join the Groovy Gang for a week. While there the mafia will try to kill me.

petril

Quote from: jenna appleseed on November 21, 2020, 08:17:29 PM
<deso>David Jason reads all the recent posts about Only Fools & Hearses and hurriedly changes his will to make sure absolutely none of his [much/un]loved/distant/estranged/great[great x2000] relatives can give him anything vaguely resembling a comedy OFAH themed funeral, or 'borrow' his corpse for the memorial pub drinks and make it fall through the bar 'because it's what he would've wanted'. </deso>

David Jason really wants his corpse to fall through a bar, just not anywhere near those cunts

JamesTC

David Jason's death won't be announced. They'll just say he's gone to prison and replace him with Sid.

Ferris

Quote from: jenna appleseed on November 21, 2020, 08:17:29 PM
<deso>David Jason reads all the recent posts about Only Fools & Hearses and hurriedly changes his will to make sure absolutely none of his [much/un]loved/distant/estranged/great[great x2000] relatives can give him anything vaguely resembling a comedy OFAH themed funeral, or 'borrow' his corpse for the memorial pub drinks and make it fall through the bar 'because it's what he would've wanted'. </deso>

His family accede to his wishes and he gets a Touch of Frost sendoff instead. During the eulogy, someone apprehends a paedophile.

gilbertharding

Are we talking about David Jason, and *just not mentioning* the fact he's just published an autobiography with the title 'One Dell of a Life'?

Fucking hell.

idunnosomename

it'd be funny if he spelt his character's name wrong on the cover but alas#



why not buy it for the tattooed fan in your life who already has these








imitationleather

Has he had his knighthood taken away or something? Why isn't he SIR DAVID JASON on the newer books?

idunnosomename

legend del mode vs Sir Jason Treasure in Sunday best.

buzby

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on November 22, 2020, 12:14:47 AM
His family accede to his wishes and he gets a Touch of Frost sendoff instead. During the eulogy, someone apprehends a paedophile.
Probably one of his old flying club chums in the congregation.

petril

His family have him buried with a live macaque

stonkers

If IMDB is to be believed David Jason did voice work on 947 episodes of Doraemon, an anime series that has had limited translation into English. It also claims David Walliams was in 556 episodes and the Chuckle Brothers played themselves in 77.

Alberon

For my funeral I want the full Father Dougal experience including exploding hearse.

JamesTC

Del writing for the Daily Star now. He's looking good for his age.

This is honestly the most surreal front page I've ever seen.


Enzo

Quote from: JamesTC on December 04, 2020, 01:10:50 AM


This is honestly the most surreal front page I've ever seen.



Sunday Sport must be raging

imitationleather

The Daily Star has been positioning itself as a Sport-style paper for quite a while now.

George White

From Jeff Billington on twitter.
 

Fambo Number Mive

From their website

QuoteSaw this show last Friday and it was really funny. A great mixture of script and ad-libbing made it all the funny.
As it was my birthday I even got my own pulling lesson from Del Boy on how to 'knock em Bandy'. Great & funny evening."

They also include "stirring renditions of favourite cockney songs".

JamesTC

Quote from: George White on November 30, 2021, 08:05:54 PMFrom Jeff Billington on twitter.
 

Rodney looks a bit like Graham Linehan.

Fambo Number Mive

Del Boy looks like he can handle himself.