Poll

You walk up to the, uh, young woman of colour. She is enjoying the music of E-40 and other various chart rappers on an mp3 player. Upon seeing you she's all like: "Whatchu whant?" in charming broken English common to this part of town. You Reply

"Give me my mp3 player back"
4 (10%)
"let's go on a date, we can get fizzy drinks after"
7 (17.5%)
"let me tap dat my fine queen of sheeba ass pinzses"
6 (15%)
"i would like to purchase barbiturates to use on a hot white bitch later this week"
5 (12.5%)
Compliment her on how much cotton KEEP READING percentage makes up her hoodie, as it clearly indicates that she is environmentally aware enough to chose clothing that can be washed at 30C.
3 (7.5%)
what are options for level 7 confidence? can we do whatever we want?
0 (0%)
"What's your favourite easy stereotype?"
2 (5%)
"I want unlimited boys to rape"
3 (7.5%)
"F.W. de Klerk, MC Hammer, J.R. Hartley and other classic verbwhores poll memes."
6 (15%)
"HAHA RAPE"
4 (10%)

Total Members Voted: 40

Author Topic: Peter's Mad Thoughts  (Read 90668 times)

Suttonpubcrawl

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Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #60 on: November 14, 2004, 03:11:12 AM »
I'm as bad with these thoughts as the rest of you. Yesterday for instance I had my folding bike with me in the university library and I kept thinking about throwing it off the internal balconies through the centre of the (very wide and EXTREMELY FUCKING IMPRACTICAL YOU FUCKING CUNT NORMAN FOSTER, DO YOU HAVE LEGS? HAVE YOU EVER USED A STAIRCASE?) spiral staircase or on to the computer desks:


However I find I don't get these urges much at all when driving. I think it might be that driving is a strictly rule based activity and you aren't having to constantly come up with what to do for yourself. Instead you are guided and controlled by the road markings, rules about how to interact with other cars, traffic lights etc. It's the difference between having to decide how to react to something, for example a balcony you could throw your bike over, and being told by something how to react (for example a line telling you you mustn't cross over it, a light telling you you have to stop).

This is especially important because in driving there are rules which the brain learns to follow almost automatically. For example "light red, stop car". However when you see a neck to bite or a pair of tits to bury your face in or a balcony to throw your laptop or bike over, there isn't a firm, simple, quickly understood rule saying "under no circumstances bite neck" or something similar.

I don't know, I'm rambling. Know what I mean, mate?

Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #61 on: November 14, 2004, 03:31:15 AM »
With the neck-biting thing, I'm inclined to say go for it.  The consequences are unlikely to be life-threatening.  It might be one of those fantasies you shouldn't act out though, because it's probably actionable.  Maybe wait till she winks at you.

Suttonpubcrawl

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Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #62 on: November 14, 2004, 03:35:49 AM »
Quote from: "thomasina"
With the neck-biting thing, I'm inclined to say go for it.  The consequences are unlikely to be life-threatening.  It might be one of those fantasies you shouldn't act out though, because it's probably actionable.  Maybe wait till she winks at you.


It ain't my fantasy! I thought someone else mentioned it on this thread.

Still Not George

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Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #63 on: November 14, 2004, 03:39:36 AM »
Well, I regularly do go ahead with the biting thing. I get away with it, too. It's probably because I'm so unfeasibly attractive.

(or at least I was until I got this damned hole in my face)

Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #64 on: November 14, 2004, 10:35:41 AM »
Before I quit my job I used to have strong urges to stand up in meetings and shout "you're all a bunch of fucking idiots, none of this means anything, and you can stick your stupid job" but I guess everyone gets that.

I would spend the whole of the meeting just thinking about doing this.  Sometimes it got so bad I had to go out of the room for a few minutes to compose myself.

Now that I've left I kind of wish I had done it that way.  It would have been much more satisfying, but probably quite an arse in terms of references.

Evil Knevil

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Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #65 on: November 14, 2004, 02:16:15 PM »
Not quite the same thing, I know, but the other day I went up and hugged a random woman outside a newsagents....

.... From behind she vaguely looked like my g/f who was supposed be meeting me around the corner. I figured she'd seen me, or was waiting or something.

Profuse apologies later, and she was still frightened. I guess I would be too.

Simular things have happened before, like me waving and shouting "I'm over here darling" to some poor woman across the street who happened to look like my g/f from a distance.

Is this the start of my descent into madness? Or just a sign I need my glasses checked?

I'm terrible I know. At least it was a mistake and not some insane impulse :)

On impulse... I stabbed my flatmate with a pen, right between his porky shoulderblades.

Ambient Sheep

  • Please help me, I'm lost. I don't know what to do.
Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #66 on: November 14, 2004, 05:04:01 PM »
Oh good, thanks imitationleather, now I can do this (amongst other things):

Quote from: "Disco Dalek"
During the evening I kept repeatedly speculating on the likely effect if I was to simply march up to her, seize her by the waist, plunge my face deep into that inviting region and go "wubble, wubble, wubble".

So I actually did it.

Screams, shouts, recriminations, a swift exit.

You should have used American Express.

Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #67 on: November 14, 2004, 06:42:04 PM »
Quote from: "Purple Tentacle"




Anyway, I told my mum about my "mad thoughts", and she told me that they are very common, and are symptom of "wanting to hurt yourself".... by thinking about doing things that are unspeakably cruel and terrible, you want to punish yourself... the guilt you would feel by throwing hot soup over your kind girlfriend would be a form of self-flagellation.

Now THIS really disturbed me, because as far as I can tell I'm not a mental, so I'd like to know.... does anybody else get mad thoughts? I don't hate myself by any means, so I reckon she's talking mumshite.


I'd love to link to the correct page in the Fist of Fun book from www.fistoffun.net but I can't be arsed to find it.


Just found this thread and personally think that it is a way of  testing yourself to see how you would feel - living vicariously through your imagination so to speak.
I think everyone had these thoughts, they are indicative of a good imagination, and are generally healthy, as you are always exploring the way you would feel about things. They are a self-learning exercise.
If you are suffering from severe anxiety then these thoughts could develop into obsessive compulsive disorder, and you end up doing compulsions to get the thought out of your head.  I think the anxiety factor is the difference between normal everyday experimental thoughts and OCD.  Something seems to click in the brain (the orbital lobe I think) that causes compulsions, and it  feeds off anxiety.


I have quite a strong urge to jump off tall things - I was on my friend's roof a while back and wouldn't walk near the edge because the urge to just keep walking would be overwhelming. I've dreamt a lot about how it would feel.
I have a million other little thoughts a day too, which range from wanting to throw a spoonful of mayo to wanting to jump out of the window, walk in front of cars and trains and swear at pedestrians.
I once pissed on the kitchen floor in my flat just because I saw no reason not to.
It was great!!
When I was a kid I had a "friend" who was so holier than thou and convinced her shit couldn't possibly smell, I got so cross with her once day that I hit her over the head with my guitar. I just couldn't be arsed to resist the compulsion to do it, and after I had something like an afterglow, I wanted to go to sleep, the relief was so nice.  I was quite bored with being told off and everything, they were really having a go at me and I was going "yes I know it was wrong. I'm sorry. I won't do it again. *yawn*".  It wasn't arrogance, just boredom.
I worry now as that makes me sound slightly psycho, but I haven't done anything similar since. I think that was just a childhood learning process, as I now know that to do it again would entail all the boring being punished, so it's not worth bothering.

Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #68 on: November 14, 2004, 08:46:21 PM »
Quote from: "Ambient Sheep"
You should have used American Express.


If that's a Not the Nine o'clock News reference, would you like to rub my tits as well, sir?

Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #69 on: November 14, 2004, 09:03:25 PM »
i keep having thoughts like this, the other day in college, a mate of mine, tom, was filling out a load of EMA forms on the floor of the corridor while we were waiting for a tutor to turn up.

then suddenly i had the urge to go over, kick the papers about in the air while screaming nonsense like "ABDAAAAR BALOOOOOOOR BAYAAKARNAAAR" and walking off down the corridor with my arms raised and dissapearing.

an hour later in music business i wanted to get up and sing the chorus of happy talk but develop the last few lines into OOOOH noises, and again, walk off and dissapear, to the confusement of everyone.

must be soemthing going round.

Emergency Lalla Ward Ten

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Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #70 on: November 14, 2004, 09:20:51 PM »
I remember Martin Amis once talking about holding his baby daughter in his arms and being terrifyingly aware that he had the physical (if not mental) capacity to rape and murder her. He could do it.

When I first got an electric razor, I idly thought one evening that I could blind myself really easily by plunging it into my eye. For about a day, this thought put me in a hot/cold sweat, so much so that I had to take the batteries out and lock the razor away in another room.

It's the fact that it's only because of this lump of grey blancmange inside our skulls that we manage to avoid doing these things. That's scary. It's the 'What if the blancmange went off duty for a few seconds' fear.

Then again, not everyone has these thoughts. Will Self was once on the Mark Radcliffe show and mentioned how he always has the 'What if I push that person under the train?' thought while standing on tube stations. Radcliffe had no idea what he was talking about.

Ambient Sheep

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Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #71 on: November 14, 2004, 09:41:12 PM »
Quote from: "thomasina"
Quote from: "Ambient Sheep"
You should have used American Express.

If that's a Not the Nine o'clock News reference, would you like to rub my tits as well, sir?

Certainly.  Have you got any foreigners I can walk over as well?

Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth

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Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #72 on: November 14, 2004, 09:59:23 PM »
I once acted on a mad thought. I was sitting in the library at school next to the row of computers, and right in front of me was the circuit breaker for the whole lot of them. I sat there looking at the switch with it's orangey red light gently humming in front of me. It was quite big and had a fair bit of spring to it, and I began to wonder how much pressure it would take to flip it down into the off position. Of course, I knew that to find out would instantly turn all of the computers off, wiping out the work of all the people who were using them and probably getting me a kicking as well as detention at least, but for some reason my curiosity overwhelmed my common sense and I felt compelled to do it anyway. Thus I reached forward and gingerly pressed down on the switch. As the amount of pressure exerted reached the amount needed to leave a fingerprint in a wine gum, the computers went off and the poor sods along the row looked up from their keyboards to see the screens going black. The switch didn't actually click downand thus sprang back on as soon as I let go of it. The people at the computers did not notice me and must have thought it was some sort of power cut or something. Instantly though, I was aware that it was not a good idea to stay there and walked out calmly.
I felt bloody horrible about it later on, and had visions of people crying as they realised that they had lost all their work. The only things that console me about this whole sorry caper are the fact that they should have been saving their work regularly, and that for all I knew, one of them might have been writing the next Mein Kampf.

Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #73 on: November 14, 2004, 10:16:41 PM »
shit like that always happens, i always get compelled to press the off button of the person's computer next to me, if its a mate i usually do it too.

another example now as im bored, when walking down the street i keep getting the urge to just suddenly grab the nearest person by the neck and go AAAAAAAAAAGH, and try my hardest to pick them up, then drop them and run off going heehehehe.

one day i think will, and im gonna get in a whole heap of trouble.

Ambient Sheep

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Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #74 on: November 14, 2004, 10:25:24 PM »
Quote from: "Claude the Lion Tamer"
I once acted on a mad thought. I was sitting in the library at school next to the row of computers, and right in front of me was the circuit breaker for the whole lot of them...

...oh God, that reminds me.

In probably the best day out in the ten years of my previous job, I was somewhere deep within the bowels of the Bee Bee Cee (as Kenny Everett would have said) attaching a data logger to a bit of our equipment in one of a roomful of 19" racks that were powering the BBC's digital services.  In other words, BBC Choice, Knowledge, CBBC, CBeebies etc., this was just before the switchover to BBC3 & 4, in which our company's equipment was going to be involved.  It *might* also have included the digital versions of BBC1 & BBC2, although I don't think so.

As the BBC guy said "These are live racks on air, so please be very careful."  Naturally I was, and since the actual rack I was working on that contained our equipment was not (yet) on air, I wasn't too nervous.

However...however...about three feet behind and six feet along from where I was working was - you guessed it - an effing great big breaker (one of those ones with the 90-degree handles) that quite clearly supplied the whole damn room.

With one swift flick of the wrist I could have taken the whole of the BBC's digital services off the air.

Naturally, I didn't.  But it gave me kittens all day.

Evil Knevil

  • I refuse to involve myself.
Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #75 on: November 15, 2004, 12:01:03 AM »
Okay, one more thing...

 In my last year at school I was sitting in detention, being very bored. So I impulsively pretended my book was attacking me. My head was buried in it, so I pretended the spine had shut on my face and was eating it. Everybody stopped and stared as I threw myself back from my chair, kicking and screaming, as I tried to 'beat off' the French grammar book from hell :)

Utterly impulsive and got me another detention.

"Why did you do that?"
"Don't ask me, ask him!" (points at book thrown across floor)

Bogey

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Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #76 on: November 15, 2004, 10:26:57 AM »
Quote from: "Emergency Lalla Ward Ten"
Then again, not everyone has these thoughts. Will Self was once on the Mark Radcliffe show and mentioned how he always has the 'What if I push that person under the train?' thought while standing on tube stations. Radcliffe had no idea what he was talking about.

Well duh, he lives in Manchester dunee.

Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #77 on: November 15, 2004, 01:00:27 PM »
I was 16 and doing work experience at Granada TV.  At one point I was left alone in the graphics suite (well tiny graphics cupboard) shortly before the transmission of the lunchtime news.  I brought up the presenter's name "Hazel Barrett" and typed in the word "swallows" after it.  The guy who brought up the graphic would never have checked it because it was so routine to bring up the news anchor's name.  So her beaming, news-reading face would have appeared over the caption "Hazel Barrett swallows".  But at the last moment I lost my bottle and deleted it, a decision I regret to this day.

So all you people thinking of throwing your laptops off high buildings or murdering your friends & family - do it!  You'll only regret it later if you don't.

Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #78 on: November 15, 2004, 03:38:41 PM »
I don't want to offend the person who said the this was Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but it's not, and you're a plonker. OCD is the compulsion to conituously repeat the same action over and over again, for example hand-washing, or applying a numeric pattern to everyday actions. It can be quite innocuous, but if it has a serious cause, or of the repeated action is of a particular kind, then it can be extremely unpleasant.
        This thread refers to what psychologists call 'Intrusive Thought', something which is experienced, on a regular basis, by everyone. Intrusive thoughts are not part of your normal train of thought, which makes them more noticeable, and they can involve some disturbing images. Most of the ones in this thread are to do with the loss of self-control, which is a fear generated mostly by the conscious. I bet if you asked a stone-age man about his intrusive thoughts, they'd be about getting eaten by wolves and bears and the like; that's because having an intrusive thought of this kind will put you on your guard against wolves and bears, thus increasing your chances of survival. Our modern intrusive thoughts are more concerned with social needs, and so...

Oh, hang on, I've just had the intrusive thought that I can't be arsed to write an essay on this.

Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #79 on: November 15, 2004, 03:46:35 PM »
Quote from: "wilystoat"
I don't want to offend the person who said the this was Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but it's not, and you're a plonker. OCD is the compulsion to conituously repeat the same action over and over again, for example hand-washing, or applying a numeric pattern to everyday actions. It can be quite innocuous, but if it has a serious cause, or of the repeated action is of a particular kind, then it can be extremely unpleasant.


The cause of the repeating of actions can be similar to what people have posted - it can be caused by intrusive innapropriate thoughts which cause the sufferer anxiety, and the repeating actions is an attempt to deal with the anxiety.
So the only similarity with what people are posting is the thoughts.  Whether it is OCD or not is dependant on how the thoughts affect the person involved.

I believe there are many causes of OCD so you can't really generalise.  I agree with you that what most people have mentioned isn't anything to do with OCD, but then I don't think anyone was claiming it was exactly, just pointing out that those thoughts can turn into OCD in a person with other mental health issues.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #80 on: November 15, 2004, 03:48:32 PM »
Yeah, all the time. And not just mad as in, seemingly random acts of violence.

As far as I can remember, this week.

-Sitting on a bus, wondering whether I should go up to this blubbering middle aged hag and wobble her cheeks vigorously, just to illustrate to her what a wreck she is.

-Sitting on a train (ah, the plot thickens), wndering what would happen if I went up to this twat who was in the middle of describing how he beat someone up, and passionately kissed him in front of his mates.

-Sitting in a seminar, just wanting to shut this stupid girl who was chuntering on pretentiously about nothing. My idea was walking up to her, kicking one on the legs of her chair, then SCREAMING "Shut the fuck up!!!" in one of her ears.

-Eating a curry, wondering whether I should pick the plate up and throw it at a wall, and what the reaction from the restauranteurs would be.

On a tangent- why is lying with your eyes firmly open one of the quickest ways to get to sleep?

Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #81 on: November 15, 2004, 03:55:01 PM »
Quote from: "Shoulders?-Stomach!"


On a tangent- why is lying with your eyes firmly open one of the quickest ways to get to sleep?


Clarification please: do you mean lying as in repose, or lying as in telling porkies?  I can't imagine telling porkies to be conducive to sleep, as it tends to raise the heart rate.

Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #82 on: November 15, 2004, 03:56:42 PM »
Quote
The "real" name for Peter's Mad Thoughts is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.


I just wanted to iron this out - people who have 'Peter's mad thoughts' are not suffering from OCD, they're usually not suffering at all. The incidence of  disturbing intrusive thoughts does increase with depression and other mental illnesses however, and an OCD sufferer could be expected to have quite a few.

Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #83 on: November 15, 2004, 04:10:22 PM »
Quote from: "wilystoat"
Quote
The "real" name for Peter's Mad Thoughts is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.


I just wanted to iron this out - people who have 'Peter's mad thoughts' are not suffering from OCD, they're usually not suffering at all. The incidence of  disturbing intrusive thoughts does increase with depression and other mental illnesses however, and an OCD sufferer could be expected to have quite a few.


Agreed.
:)

Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #84 on: November 15, 2004, 04:11:08 PM »
On the tube to work this morning there was a really fat businessman sat next to me, and I was suddenly seized by the thought of leaning over and sticking my tongue in his mouth, and wondering if he would resist.

Luckily nobody here knows my name, what I look like, which part of London I live in, and has never met me, so nobody thinks I'm weird. Phew.

Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #85 on: November 15, 2004, 04:17:42 PM »
Being the neurotic I am, I'm now starting to worry that I'm abnormal for not having Peter's Mad Thoughts. I really can't remember ever entertaining this kind of "What if..." thought at all. I wouldn't normally consider myself a boring person, but this makes me wonder.

Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #86 on: November 15, 2004, 04:21:09 PM »
Quote from: "Edward Green, 24, of Acton, West London"
On the tube to work this morning there was a really fat businessman sat next to me, and I was suddenly seized by the thought of leaning over and sticking my tongue in his mouth, and wondering if he would resist.


What would you have done if he didn't?  Or did your mad thought not take you that far?

Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #87 on: November 15, 2004, 04:42:34 PM »
Last week I was seriously wondering if Tourettes syndrome could be developed in later life because I had a growing urge to shout, "BIG HAIRY COCK!!!" at the top of my voice.

It got worse and worse as the week went on and I began to wonder where I could go to shout it in privacy.

Luckily, it seems to have worn off now. I don't know what inspired it...Perhaps there was something earlier in this thread that made me want to do it.

TraceyQ

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Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #88 on: November 15, 2004, 04:51:47 PM »
Gaz, I love you very much.

Peter's Mad Thoughts
« Reply #89 on: November 15, 2004, 04:54:56 PM »
Quote from: "Gazeuse"
Last week I was seriously wondering if Tourettes syndrome could be developed in later life because I had a growing urge to shout, "BIG HAIRY COCK!!!" at the top of my voice.
It got worse and worse as the week went on and I began to wonder where I could go to shout it in privacy.


That would be marvellous, to just quietly rise from your chair, walk into another room, close the door behind you, shout "BIG HAIRY COCK!!" a couple of times, and come back and sit down like nothing had happened.


If Osama bin Laden had done that a few more times we wouldn't be in the mess we are now.