Matter of Fact Stand-up Comedians

[Phoenix Lazarus]

STEWART LEE: 'Now you lot, sitting there, you're the ones laughing awkwardly, because you're not sure whether to taken what I must said at irony or face value (points at audience).  You, though, you're the seasoned, knowing part of the gathering.  You get all the bits the others miss (looks in mirror).

[Mr Banlon]

Eddie Izzard : Frere-Jacques Frere-Jacques, blaireaux !

[DangledTeeth]

Int. Live at the Apollo

Stewart Francis: Singing Lonely by Akon in a funny high-pitched voice. I think it was me who did this.

Audience: Habadehabadehabadeeeeeee

Stewart Francis: I look like a saggy James Blunt.

[Glebe]

INT.BBC STUDIO.DAY RECORDING.

MICHAEL MCINTYRE: Good evening all and welcome to my chat show!

INT.BBC OFFICES.THE NEXT DAY.

BBC HEAD OF PROGRAMS: Cancel that Michael McIntyre thing, would you?

[DangledTeeth]

Andy Parsons: My voice sounds like Bill Oddie crossed with Tony Robinson.

Audience: RUFAHA!

Andy Persons: David Cameron. I don't agree with the Tory party. David Cameron.

Audience: RUFAHA!

Andy Parnsips: I look like The Laughing Cavalier by Frans Hals. Not necessarily in that order.

Audience: HOO-HERGH-UH-HEH-URHB-HEUARP!

[Berthas Fat Leg]

Russell Howard and his Good News

My nan, roight, my nan! She dun a massive poo in her toilet, roight, and never flushed it, roight. And me and my brother, roight - true story this, we find it the next day, roight, and my nan, roight, she shouts 'Poo rape!' at us, through the window!

Audience (all 19 year old): AHAHHAHAHAHAHDDHHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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