scott pilgrim versus the world

[madhair60]

scott pilgrim vs the world

scott pilgrim: i am dating a high school girl

kim pine: (withering look)

stephen stills: that makes you a literal paedophile

scott pilgrim: what? no it doesn't, we haven't done it or anything

stephen stills: if you are dating an underage girl you are a paedophile and you are not likeable

scott pilgrim: i am too likeable, i'm michael cera, uh, uh, there's always money in the banana stand

stephen stills: arrested development was a long time ago, michael

(ramona flowers rollerskates through scott pilgrim's dreams or some SHIT)

scott cera: would you uh i dunno uh would you uh like to uh go out with me and junk

ramona flowers: BZZZT I AM RAMONATRON INPUT QUERY> "GO ON DATE" 20 GOTO 10 RESPONSE> "NO"

scott cera: aw raspberries

(scott goes to a party where ramona is)

scott cera: would you like to, like, go out with me

ramano flowers: NEGATIVE RESPONSE

edgar wright: are you noticing all the hidden numbers and things in my movie, i put a lot of effort into hiding things in it

audience: yes we, we have seen a wright movie before

edgar wright: did you know that at the beginning of shaun of the dead, e-

audience: ed's list is an accurate foreshadow of the whole movie, yes

edgar wright: and in hot fuzz in the early village sc-

audience: yes, it mirrors the shootout at the end, we get it, we understand the one thing you do

(scott finds out ramona works for amazon and orders something from them, the doorbell rings)

wallace wells: i am gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gayyyyyy and that is inherently funny, i am gay and i am a bitch and this film came out in, what, 2010?  and that is it for me, that is me, a gay bitch

(scott pilgrim answers the door)

ramona flowers: PACKAGE STATUS: DELIVERED BEEP BEEP BOOP

michael cera: would you fucking go out with me y'whore

ramon flow: INEXPLICABLY YES OK

(they go out to a Canadian bar/club in Canadia that is cool because it is a real place in the true north and that is awesome for everyone)

matthew patel: namasté, i am ramona's first evil ex boyfriend

audience: (looks at "12" rating, frowns)

matthew patel: and you have to do a racist as shit bollywood fight with me

michael ceragrim: okay

(michael cera brutally beats up the only brown person in the film.  videogame iconography and sound effects are thrown around the screen)

audience: oh hey shit i remember this from videogames!  ten outta ten

(matthew patel turns into coins)

michael cera: what the fuck ramona

ramonatron: BEEP BLEEP WHIIRRRR (sound of gears turning) IF YOU WANT TO DATE ME YOU MUST DEFEAT MY EVIL EX BOYFRIENDS AND ONE OF THEM'S A GIRL WHOOPS I FORGOT THAT MY BEING BISEXUAL IS A HUGE NOVELTY REVEAL LATER IN THE FILM AND DISMISSED AS A PHASE

michael cera: mate

(scott pilgrim goes to fight lucas lee in a ten-second scene that cost eleven hundred thousand dollars and also takes place in a real canadian location, WOW just like the book.  he wins and goes to fight todd ingram who is ramona's third evil ex but todd's girlfriend is scott's ex envy adams and man fuck this plot i swear it was so cool when i was younger but writing it out, fuck)

todd: i have psychic powers on account of being vegan

envy: quirky, huh?

michael cera: that is very quirky and anime

vegan police: we are the vegan police and you ate an entire pig one time

todd: nooooo my vegan powers have been taken away

audience: (cringes)

(michael cera headbutts todd to death. he then goes to fight roxy, the girl one)

ramona: i was a little bi-curious

roxy: well!  I'm a little bi-FURIOUS!

audience: did madhair60 make that up or is it actual dialogue

madhair60: it's fucking real

audience: jesus

(scott pilgrim defeats roxy by sexually arousing her, this also really happens)

scott: BREAD makes you FAT?

the entire internet for some reason: ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

madhair60: !?!?!?!????!??!!?

(scott pilgrims beats up a couple of japanese who don't get any dialogue or characterisation, he does so with CGI monsters.  fucking hell can we just skip ahead?  nothing happens.  he goes to the chaos theatre to fight ramona's final evil ex Jason Schwartzman)

jason schwartzman: scott bro hahaha bro do you like my club bro

michael cera: i hate your dumb club and face

jason schwartzman: wackyyyyyy i'm so crazyyyyyy i'm a craaaaazzzzyyy wackyyy guyyyyyy whooooooaaaAAAAAaaaa

(michael cera gains a sword of self-respect for no reason, nothing has happened in the movie to lead to this, to in any way suggest the character has developed or evolved. he uses it to kill Jason Schwartzman)

jason schwartzman: nooo aaaaaahhh ahhhhhhhhh

(an evil scott pilgrim shows up. in the book this has a plot connection and is something of an emotional climax, in the movie it happens for no reason at all, michael cera humorously befriends his evil clone)

knives (the young child scott pilgrim was dating): hey scott do you want to get back with me

michael cera: desperately, yes, due to my ephebophilia, but instead i will stay with ramonatron

ramona flowers: BLEEEEP BLEEP BLEEP (apple mac boot sound) I AM A CHARACTER IN THE MOVIE

knives: why

michael cera: i don't know

the end

[Glebe]

MICHAEL CERA: I'm lost and confused!

MARY ELIZABETH WINSTEAD: Fight my boyfriends! Grunge is kool!

BOYFRIEND #WHATEVER: POWER UP! ARIGATO, CERA SAN!

SUPER MARIO: NOT BOTHERED MATE, OFF TO BUY CIGS.

CERA: I'm Michael Cera, you may remember me from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World and not being Beck or Jesse Eisenberg.

[DangledTeeth]

Michael Cera: YAAI WOLL SEE WHAAAHT HARZ BECARM ERV YUUUUEEEH!

CaB: That's Michael Gira. Try again...

Me: Sorry. Bit of a mix-up.

Music: DHMMMM... HMMMMD... DHMMMD... HMMMMD... ''BRRRRRR-ABADOUUUUU'' PA-DADA-paaaAAAAAARP! BE-DADA-daaaAAAARP! ''YOUR TIME IS UP, MY TIME IS NOW! YOU CAN'T SEE ME! MY TIME IS NOW!

CaB: You obviously haven't a clue. Contribute to a thread about a programme you've actually watched, i.e. something you know very well.

Me: You're suggesting I should continue with MoF OFAH?

CaB: Yes.

Me: Alright!

CaB: No, it's example. I don't m- GROAAAAAN