MATTER OF FACT EMMERDALE.

[Glebe]

Opening theme!

BAD GUY: I've cum back, I love yer!

TIZZY WIZZY: Y've not changed!

JETHRO TULL: Doon't trust iz lies!

BAD GUY: I've killed... and I'll kill again!

SETH BRUNDLE: Anyone fancy a half pint bitta?

Closing theme!

[DangledTeeth]

Start Theme

Ext. Eeh oop t'faaaarm

Zak: Comorn, Lee-seh, we've got t'mek sheep goh in t'fockin' pen.

Lisa: Then w'goh t'Woolpahck f'drinks.

Cain: Y'alraaiight? 'ow yer doin' w'sheep

Zak: Fookin' greeht, sohn. Still goht few to do.

Alan Turner: I say, would you like to perambulate through the farm and to the pub right now with immediacy?

Zak: Ehyehyeh? Ya wha'?

Alan Turner (Sighs): DO YOZ WON T'GER T'FOOKIN GEH DRINKS AT THE PISS-OHP FACTREH?

Cain: There's no need to speak like thaart, Alern. We can ohnderstahnd yer.

Alan: EH WOD YER FOOKIN' LOOK AT THART. IT'S CARAVAGGIO!

Cain: Me nehme's cehyn.

Sam: Alrart Dave?

End Theme

''Joorin doh sheep''


''Are meh artichokes buttered, y'cunt?''


Sam Triggle having a pint in the Nag's Woolhead


Lisa, yesterday


Alan Turner, tomorrow

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Doyle: HELLO INBRED FARM TWAT

Dingle: SNEH FUH FRUH

Doyle: THOSE AREN'T EVEN WORDS

Dingle: THAT IH IHH DINGLE OF THE SHIRE. THAT IH IHH.

[Glebe]

The opening theme tune!

PATRICK 'MCBRAIN' TROUGHTON: I'm talking over this pub!

SUE POLLARD W/MOUSTACHE: I'm putting in a bid too!

MR. TURNER: Over my dead body!

CANE & ABEL: Thaz the idea!

ZACKERY TINGLES: Eh up! Thaz enough, you lot!

The closing theme tune!

Clockwise from top left: Cain Dingle, Rodney Blackstock, Eric Pollard,
Paddy Kirk, Zak Dingle, Brenda Walker, Clara Oswald and Alan Turner.

[Quincey]

IAIN: Hello Jim, where's Emma?

JIM; I don't know, I've been filming all day.

IAIN: Crap! Let's go down the Woolpack and have a pint.

[Glebe]

Open theme!

LESLIE DUNLOP TYRES: You murdered him, you... you BITCH!

ALAN TURNCOAT: I'm closing the bar... FOREVER!

SETH ROGAN: Sheep stuck up field, anyone give an' 'and?

Zone of the Enders theme!

[Thomas]

DINGLE SUTCLIFFE: y'eard whar are Peter's been up to

DINGLE SUTCLIFFE, OTHER: aye, i'll ave a word after't news

[Glebe]

Opening theme!

CAIN: Y'lying! Cum on! I swear I'll kill you if you slept wiv 'im!

SETH: Calm down mate, I jus' want to go fer an 'alf pint bitta!

Closing theme!

[DangledTeeth]

Zak: You've got nice tets, lohve!

Alicia: Thanks.

[Glebe]

Open!

INT.WOOLPACK.LUNCH TIME.

SETH (singing in the snug): Dig if you will a picture, of you and I engaged in a kiss... the sweat of your body covers me... can you my darling, can you picture this? Deam if you can a courtyard... an ocean of violets in bloom. Animals strike curious poses, they feel the heat, the heat between me and you. How can you just leave me standing? Alone in a world that's so cold. Maybe I'm just too demanding; maybe I'm just like my father too bold, maybe you're just like my mother. She's never satisfied. Why do we scream at each other? This is what it sounds like... when doves cry.

ALAN TURNER: I think you should stick to your half pint bitters rather than skulling back Jägermeisters, Seth!

KATIE SUGDEN: Too right, Alan. Pint of absinth when y'ready. I've got ID.

Close!

[Glebe]

Opening theme!

INT.DINGLE HOUSE.NIGHT.

CAIN DINGLE (outside window): I've killed! And I'll kill again!

CHARITY: What were all that about?

ZAK DINGLE: Er... never mind that, Charity love, you ostrich-face beauty. Jus' Cain havin' a laugh!

LISA DINGLE: Just relax an' have a cuppa tea, love!

SHADRACK DINGLE: I'm a shaggy old Gambon-face, me!

LISA DINGLE: 'ere, 'oos that at the window now?

ZAK DINGLE: Take a look, Charity... it's young Paddy! Let's go out to the woods!

Closing theme!

[greenman]

What other means of airborne conveyance could potentially crash into an Emmerdale building?