David Cameron put his willy in a dead pig's mouth

[billtheburger]

It was a weak joke I was trying to make. I implore you to accept my apologies.

I fucked up my joke on the joke on the joke, too.
I should have started it with "fucking Hell" obvs.
So accept my humble apologies also.

[Garam]

Actually i watched that Kate whatever thing and it was actually really good. I didn't realise it was hip hop, that changes everything. Lyrics shouldn't be divorced from songs, don't stand alone like that. Not the same as poetry. Good track!

[Jack Shaftoe]

I'm choosing to believe Kate Tempest is one of those 'comedy characters', because the alternative is too awful to contemplate.

I already feel bad about this, I think I'm biased against people who talk in that estuary accent because it sounds so affected, I just assume they're overcompensating public school types, but I believe Tempest is 4 reals as they say and having had a listen to another of her songs I quite liked it.

Sorry Kate Tempest. :(

[ZoyzaSorris]

Never forget.

[Replies From View]

He's going to do it again soon I reckon.


Once as you climb up the slippery pole, and once more as you descend it.

Rules is rules.

[biggytitbo]

Yes. He's stepping down from politics to spend more time with his pig.

[Dr Rock]

Can't do today (hospital appointment)  but if Matthew Wright is discussing Cameron's departure from politics tomorrow, I'm planning to go for the double.

[Replies From View]

Yes. He's stepping down from politics to spend more time with his pig.

Specifically its head.

Funnily enough Cameron's wife calls his willy his "pig", so their conversations on the matter can be quite confusing.

[WesterlyWinds]

Never forget.

Bit early mate, we found out September 20th

[BlodwynPig]

Can't do today (hospital appointment)  but if Matthew Wright is discussing Cameron's departure from politics tomorrow, I'm planning to go for the double.

Ha Ha. Legend Rock

[olliebean]

Bit early mate, we found out September 20th

But in a way, we always knew.

[Ambient Sheep]

From the latest Popbitch:

>> Porkie pies <<
    Cameron's swine of enquiry

  It's been one year this week
  since the rumour about David
  Cameron sticking his dick in
  the head of a dead pig did
  the rounds.

  Cameron never threatened to
  sue Lord Ashcroft or Isabel
  Oakeshott for libel at the
  time, as it's very rare for a
  sitting prime minister (or an
  MP, for that matter) to launch
  a legal challenge like that.

  The statute of limitations for
  libel is one year, but it's
  presumably just a coincidence
  that David Cameron (who is no
  longer PM) left his job as MP
  exactly 51 weeks after the
  pigfucking story surfaced.

  Probably nothing for Ashcroft
  and Oakeshott to worry about
  though. It's probably fine.

It then links to this article: http://popbitch.com/home/2016/09/21/porkie-pies/ which makes the following interesting observations (among several others, do go read it, and the linked article about Leon Brittan and libel after death, if you have time):

What if Cameron has resigned as an MP so that he could sue Ashcroft and Oakeshott for calling him a pigfucker?

The timing, it turns out, fits pretty neatly.

Lord Ashcroft and Isabel Oakeshott (the two authors of the biography which brought the rumour to public attention) must have felt tremendously safe when they published it, knowing that prime ministers so rarely sue.
::
::
No-one could have predicted his exit from Government would be so swift. Certainly not Ashcroft and Oakeshott who, in all likelihood, never anticipated a situation where Cameron would be just an ordinary civvy within a year. But now that he's out, he's free to do as he pleases.

Obviously, this isn't why Cameron chose to quit. But, now that he has quit, would he be able to take action? Would he be able to sue Ashcroft and Oakeshott for spreading the pigfucking rumour.

We asked our lawyer and he told us that the statute of limitation for libel is... would you believe it! One year.

Completely by coincidence, Cameron announced he was leaving Parliament, with immediate effect, exactly 51 weeks after the pigfucking rumour surfaced.

It's not been reported that Cameron has served Ashcroft and Oakeshott with papers, and the one year window has now closed – but that doesn't mean that it hasn't happened. All that's needed in that year-long window is for Cameron to issue a Claim Form. If he's done that, then he's still got another four months before he'd actually have to serve papers – giving him until the end of the year, basically.

So it is technically possible he has got the wheels in motion without anyone being anyone the wiser.

(emphasis mine)

I mean, he probably hasn't -- the article goes on to say he would have difficulty winning -- but just putting the possibility out there.

[HappyTree]

Is there a legal defence called "Honestly, mate, nobody cares anymore" ?

[Replies From View]

I don't think it would be wise of him to sue them for libel, considering he did actually definitely do it.

[Replies From View]

Is there a legal defence called "Honestly, mate, nobody cares anymore" ?

Probably, but don't forget that David Cameron coated his entire penis in the gums, tongue and palate of a rotting pig.

[HappyTree]

I could never forget. I rely on the memory of that to get me up in the morning.

[Glebe]

I wonder if Cameron has ever put a burger in his mouth?

[Replies From View]

I wonder if Cameron has ever put a burger in his mouth?

Probably not.

[Noonling]

Three years ago now. Any word on where Cameron's been putting his penis recently?

[Replies From View]

Three years ago now. Any word on where Cameron's been putting his penis recently?

Apparently his wife agreed never to change the locks if he chiselled his penu into a key for their family home, which he has done.

[NoSleep]

Considering where he's put it before, that isn't a very wise decision by his wife. I wonder how many copies have already been made? Dave loves to leave an impression.

[the]

Has anyone even seen him since he fucked off?

It's not been reported that Cameron has served Ashcroft and Oakeshott with papers, and the one year window has now closed – but that doesn't mean that it hasn't happened. All that's needed in that year-long window is for Cameron to issue a Claim Form. If he's done that, then he's still got another four months before he'd actually have to serve papers – giving him until the end of the year, basically.

So it is technically possible he has got the wheels in motion without anyone being anyone the wiser.

How's that theory coming along, Popbitch

[Sebastian Cobb]

Has anyone even seen him since he fucked off?

How's that theory coming along, Popbitch

He seems to crop up at some poncey festival near Oxford once a year. One year it was him looking guilty smoking a fag, another time it was with some woman in a Corbyn t-shirt with her arms round him.

[Replies From View]

I gather David Cameron is currently attempting to balloon in both weight and girth-at-waist-height.

[BlodwynPig]

I'm assuming an old episode of Endeavour a few nights ago mentioned some shenanigans with a pig's head at an Oxford Uni "Bezerker's" club bash.

[Replies From View]

Apparently Cameron needs to be fattened up and used as "the head for the next one", whoever that may be.

So that at least explains why he is presently forcing himself to consume more calories than he can ever realistically burn off.