THE GUARDIAN'S 30 worst video games

[Harpo Speaks]

Michael Owen's World League Soccer, which had imaginative fake names such as 'Mark Oversaturn', but featured a good old-fashioned blind spot that you could score from every time.

I played the hell out of Michael Owen's WLS, there was something about the feel of it that I really enjoyed.

PES 5 is probably my all time favourite football game though, I suspect I've put more time into that than any other game.

But this is not about good games, it's about shit ones. Three Lions.

[clingfilm portent]

Did anyone ever play a football game for the PSX that had spiky-limbed players, very similar to the video the ElTopo posted but marginally better? I've looked all over for it but can't find it. It was shit.

[The Boston Crab]

Olympic Soccer was my PS1 favourite. You could apply the most ludicrous after touch (remember that, when you actually felt you had control over the ball?) and square was used exclusively to chest trap the ball into the air for a bicycle kick or volley. The keepers would also save virtually anything that wasn't an S-bend, including a point blank range volley into an open goal.

Oh fuck, Actua Soccer was my real favourite. Again, total control over the shot trajectory, you could apply crucial late dip and swerve and again, the S-bend was king. When the side-on animation-triggering annual exploit tap-in automatic shot games took over, I lost all interest.

[Thursday]

Ah yes Actua Soccer 2's menu music

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dQQZ2vJCD0

[clingfilm portent]

Olympic Soccer

Bullseye.

But its still no Striker 96.

[chand]

Olympic Soccer was my PS1 favourite. You could apply the most ludicrous after touch (remember that, when you actually felt you had control over the ball?) and square was used exclusively to chest trap the ball into the air for a bicycle kick or volley. The keepers would also save virtually anything that wasn't an S-bend, including a point blank range volley into an open goal.

Oh fuck, Actua Soccer was my real favourite. Again, total control over the shot trajectory, you could apply crucial late dip and swerve and again, the S-bend was king. When the side-on animation-triggering annual exploit tap-in automatic shot games took over, I lost all interest.

I liked SWOS' aftertouch, I used to curl the fuck out of everything. It made putting in crosses deeply satisfying, my favourite thing was to get the ball out wide about 30 yards out, hit the ball diagonally towards goal and then bend it away for my striker to go at with a diving header. Basically fancied myself as the David Beckham of SWOS.

SWOS and early Pro Evo are the only ones I'm especially nostalgic for, I think. Though I would love for a modern football game to include an indoor 5-a-side feature like Road To World Cup '98.

[Onken]

towards the end of development, the team received a fax from Mario creator Shigeru Miyamoto, with a series of suggestions for the game. "One point was that there was too much close-up killing – he found it a bit too horrible. I don't think I did anything with that input. The second point was, he felt the game was too tragic, with all the killing. He suggested that it might be nice if, at the end of the game, you got to shake hands with all your enemies in the hospital."

GoldenEye could've been one of the worst games if Rare followed some of these crazy suggestions.

http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2015/oct/26/goldeneye-james-bond-n64-nintendo-shigeru-miyamoto-gamecity

[madhair60]

Worst more like best.  That sounds incredible.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Worst more like best.  That sounds incredible.

I agree

[Dyl Spinks]

My own personal worst-ever buy was Superman on the N64. Just brutal. Glad to see it made The Guardian's list.

[Utter Shit]

Olympic Soccer was my PS1 favourite. You could apply the most ludicrous after touch (remember that, when you actually felt you had control over the ball?) and square was used exclusively to chest trap the ball into the air for a bicycle kick or volley. The keepers would also save virtually anything that wasn't an S-bend, including a point blank range volley into an open goal.

YES YES YES! I've written so many posts about this incredibly stupid yet brilliant game.

[clingfilm portent]

Just remembered one, Fantastic 4 for PS1. Check out the music.

[Replies From View]

I didn't even know that the Guardian had made this many video games, if truth be told.

[Phil_A]

Just remembered one, Fantastic 4 for PS1. Check out the music.

That is amazing. It makes the Fantastic Four sound like they're being introduced as contestants on a shit daytime quiz show.

Also, the opening animation is pure Hunter and Rayorg.

[Captain Poodle Basher]

Not so much a "Worst game" but a worst attitude by a gaming company. Some space exploration game I bought about 15 years ago but can't recall the name of. This was back when having an internet connection meant dial-up if you were lucky. Anyways, this game installed okay on my computer but then refused to do anything until I connected to the internet and stayed online the whole time I played it. Not for any interactive or DLC-related reasons but simply because the company saw it as me paying money for a copy of the game was merely a "Rental Only" arrangement and I needed their permission to play the bloody thing. There was some incredibly arrogant "Listen pleb agree to our terms and we'll let you play the game or fuck the fuck off and don't come back." statement telling you what they wanted from you. 

[Big Jack McBastard]

Rogue Warrior and Terminator Salvation were two from the last gen that shouldn't have been made they were so shit, I snagged both for about £3 while exchanging other games and even that was too much.

Both of them should have come with £40 paperclipped the manual and an apology note.

[clingfilm portent]

Ah yes Actua Soccer 2's menu music

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dQQZ2vJCD0

Missed this before. Just divine. Love this bit.