What If... Kubrick Had Directed Watchmen? etc

[Dr Rock]

I just found this archived post

Guys, what if Stanley Kubrick had directed Watchmen (2009)?
Zack Snyder did an almost shot for shot remake of the comic while adding none of the subtext from the comic. So what if the director who was all about subtext and reaching the human subconscious had been given a chance at adapting the graphic novel? I had this idea a couple days ago and after searching, the idea has been mentioned before, but I thought I'd bring it up here for discussion because how awesome would this have been??

It is funny cos the same idea just occurred to me, which is why I googled to see if anyone else had thought this thought, and lookie there they have.

I'd watch it basically. I think if you didn't know of Alan Moore's plot, if it was presented to you as a Kubrick movie, a surprising amount nearly fits. Or maybe I've had a jazz cigarette. It wuld be good if he removed any pretence that these weren't just basic humans (Jon aside) and not like, comic book heroes from the comics/movies.

If Kubrick had somehow got the rights to Watchmen and made it in the 80s, Sean Connery could've been the Comedian. Sgt. Mick Belker is kinda Rorschachy... Kubrick can do for him what he did for Jack Nicholson maybe... WHO KNOWS? IT'S JUST A BIT OF FUN

So what movies would you have directed by who?

It's a fun new friday night late nite FUNSPOT!

EDIT THURSADDY

[Steven]

If Guillermo Del Toro directed Prometheus?

Nearly sort of happened with him working on At The Mountains Of Madness before Scott's badly written hunk of posturing wank scuppered it.

[samadriel]

I thought Chris Cunningham would've made an interesting director of V for Vendetta, given his work with Aphex Twin.

[greenman]

If Guillermo Del Toro directed Prometheus?

Nearly sort of happened with him working on At The Mountains Of Madness before Scott's badly written hunk of posturing wank scuppered it.

Realistically his Hollywood films have all been cartoonish blockbusters, somewhat entertaining at points but I suspect him involved in Alien would have ended up more like Resurrection than anything else.

[Blumf]

I thought Chris Cunningham would've made an interesting director of V for Vendetta, given his work with Aphex Twin.

Surely something like one of the main Alien films (1 or 3 specifically) would be a better use of his particular talents.

Also the Second Bad Vilbel always reminded me of Moontrap, maybe he could do a harder version of that.

[Dr Rock]

If David Cronenberg had done Harry Potter.

[popcorn]

What if Armando Iannucci had directed Alpha Papa?

[Steven]

Realistically his Hollywood films have all been cartoonish blockbusters, somewhat entertaining at points but I suspect him involved in Alien would have ended up more like Resurrection than anything else.

Could be right, I just like his creature design. The design in Scott's were fucking wank.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Apparently Interstellar was originally intended to be a Spielberg film. You can imagine that he would have handled the power of love theme more successfully than Nolanbot 5000. Then again, maybe the whole thing would have swung to far in the other direction.

[MoonDust]

What if Danny Boyle directed anything ever? He'll ruin the vibe by putting in a really cringy bit where we get to see the character's imagination in a really shitty way, like the video game hallucination in The Beach or the game show hallucination in 127 Hours.

Stop it, Danny. It's not clever. It's just embarrassing.

[neveragain]

Terry Gilliam almost directed The Truman Show. I'm glad he didn't as the film is perfect in my humble. As great as Gilliam is, he would have doubtlessly added an unnecessary weird bit (ala The Fisher King's dance sequence).

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

What if Danny Boyle directed anything ever? He'll ruin the vibe by putting in a really cringy bit where we get to see the character's imagination in a really shitty way, like the video game hallucination in The Beach or the game show hallucination in 127 Hours.

He did that a few times in Trainspotting as well but, aside from those, are there any other examples? I don't remember any of it in Shallow Grave, 28 Days Later or Sunshine.

[Steven]

Terry Gilliam almost directed The Truman Show. I'm glad he didn't as the film is perfect in my humble. As great as Gilliam is, he would have doubtlessly added an unnecessary weird bit (ala The Fisher King's dance sequence).

Bruce Robinson was also offered the director job for Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, though turned it down, probably because of the shit sandwich he got with doing Jennifer 8, Depp must have been integral to that option due to being a Withnail & I fan. Being a co-Thompson obsessive, it could have been a good idea, but from seeing Robinson's directorial work, he's very much script focused and not very concerned with cinematography, and the drug addled essence of the visualisation of the final film which Gilliam realised would not have been apparent at all I'd have expected. So it was probably a good move, that's Gilliam's expertise.

[Black Ship]

He did that a few times in Trainspotting as well but, aside from those, are there any other examples? I don't remember any of it in Shallow Grave, 28 Days Later or Sunshine.

Sunshine has Capa's  recurring dream that he is falling into the sun, 28 Days Later has Jim's dream of being abandoned.

[MoonDust]

He did that a few times in Trainspotting as well but, aside from those, are there any other examples? I don't remember any of it in Shallow Grave, 28 Days Later or Sunshine.

Yes I remembered Trainspotting's, but they were never that cringe-inducing. Except maybe the bit where he's swimming into the toilet, although if I remember rightly that bit's in the book anyway, so I'll let Danny off.

But seriously, that video game hallucination in the Beach is fucking awful. Probably the biggest cringe moment in my film-viewing history. I always imagine Danny was pushing the idea, and all the writers, producers etc were dead against it;

"No, Danny. Honestly, it'll look shit and cheesy."
"Just put it in! You don't know until you try. Seriously, it'll look ace!"
"Oh fine!

*Storms out of meeting

[great_badir]

Bruce Robinson was also offered the director job for Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, though turned it down, probably because of the shit sandwich he got with doing Jennifer 8, Depp must have been integral to that option due to being a Withnail & I fan. Being a co-Thompson obsessive, it could have been a good idea, but from seeing Robinson's directorial work, he's very much script focused and not very concerned with cinematography, and the drug addled essence of the visualisation of the final film which Gilliam realised would not have been apparent at all I'd have expected. So it was probably a good move, that's Gilliam's expertise.

Much as I love F&L exactly as it is, I would still be interested to see what Alex Cox would have done with it, though.

[great_badir]

he would have doubtlessly added an unnecessary weird bit (ala The Fisher King's dance sequence).

That scene is very definitely not unnecessary.

[great_badir]

Three posts in a row.  Can't be fucked to combine cunt.


The big one is probably Alejandro Jodorowsky's Dune.

[Steven]

The big one is probably Alejandro Jodorowsky's Dune.

I'm probably a massive philistine in that I haven't been able to sit much of El Topo or The Holy Mountain, and couldn't imagine doing so the whole way without being high as a kite.

I have little doubt his Dune would have been a stupefying mess, probably interesting as a curio due to all the talent involved, but the documentary about it is probably a much better and more interesting a film than the film itself could ever have been.

[great_badir]

Still better than Lynch's though, eh.

[thraxx]

What if Kim from Mel & Kim had directed Come and See?

[Steven]

Still better than Lynch's though, eh.

Mmm, there are a lot of problems with the Lynch one "I will take the boy man, HUH!!", but a lot of good stuff too. I've always liked that scene with the Guild Navigator, which wasn't in the book I think and written for the film? Fight Club also stole that scene with the soap chemicals on the hand verbatim from Paul Atreides Box of Pain didn't they?

[Blumf]

Lynch's Dune has a fair few wonky bits to it (hammy acting mostly), but it really has such a warm-silky feel to it, visually and aurally. Steven's point about the Guild Navigator scene is right. The money spent of the sets was well worth it[nb]Even if De Laurentiis may have looked at his bank account and disagreed[/nb], and I'd like to nominate the shield practice scene as some excellent pre-digital SFX.

As much as I love the idea of Jodorowsky's version, I'd not swap the Lynch film for it. I'd really like to see him do more sci-fi, even though he probably still doesn't.

How about Lynch doing AI? As I understand it, the early drafts had a more unflinching Grimms' Fairy Tales vibe to it which would have suited Lynch more than Disneyfied version Spielberg, and his mom obsession, gave us.

[Steven]

Yes, AI felt far too Disney-fied and cutesy to bear watching, might have benefited from Lynch's more ulterior approach.

The Guild Navigator scene is strongly reminiscent of the end of Eraserhead with the giant baby head, but is putting that sort of strange dark image in the context of a narrative, and while I appreciate people like Lynch and Jadorowsky can conjure up these interesting images, the lack of context or narrative detracts from them for me. And I know there's this whole area of psycho-analysis of imbuing them with your own meaning, but I tend to take that as a cop-out like throwing darts at a windmill and you can pretend what the meaning is after the fact due to the arms sweeping forth as a metaphor for time and critical opinion.

He managed to do it decently in Blue Velvet, I mean the only two surreal elements in that film I think are the ear with ants image, which isn't really surreal in context, and Booth becoming all weird when he hears In Dreams, which just conjures up the notion of an horrific childhood of some sort where he buried himself in that song as his only solace, but Dean Stockwell stole that scene with his effete miming.

Dune has a lot of good things about it, but yes, a lot of schlock too. The Baron is obviously a cartoon Space Count De Sade, who wouldn't be running a galaxy-wide business enterprise etc, and as Blumf said despite the problems did have a very luxorious cinematographic feel. I think it could have been made a lot better if they were given access to Jadorowsky's earlier work on it, I don't know if that was the case, but Giger's work could have definitely elevated it a lot. I don't know the whole story whether it was studio compromised but seeing as Lynch and co took their name off it, it most definitely was.

[Bad Ambassador]

What if Philip Schofield had directed The Colour Purple?

[Steven]

What if Philip Schofield had directed The Colour Purple?

He'd have cast Gorden the Goprah Winfrey.[nb]Yeah, fuck you too.[/nb]

[Alberon]

Dune has a lot of good things about it, but yes, a lot of schlock too. The Baron is obviously a cartoon Space Count De Sade, who wouldn't be running a galaxy-wide business enterprise etc, and as Blumf said despite the problems did have a very luxorious cinematographic feel. I think it could have been made a lot better if they were given access to Jadorowsky's earlier work on it, I don't know if that was the case, but Giger's work could have definitely elevated it a lot. I don't know the whole story whether it was studio compromised but seeing as Lynch and co took their name off it, it most definitely was.

There is an extended edit that Lynch had his name taken off and there's zero chance it would ever happen, but I'd really like to see a proper director's cut of the film.

The Baron is almost just as ridiculous a baddy in the book as he is the film. About the only difference in the book is that he uses anti-grav so he can still walk around, but he isn't doing the human blimp impersonation flying around that he does in the film.

Lynch's Dune is frustrating - visually it's just about perfect, but it loses the central core of the book and Paul's inner conflict.

[Steven]

The Baron is almost just as ridiculous a baddy in the book as he is the film. About the only difference in the book is that he uses anti-grav so he can still walk around, but he isn't doing the human blimp impersonation flying around that he does in the film.

It would work a bit better I think if he was just teetering on the brink of madness because of all the decadence and power, a sort of Caligula influenced character who then goes full on mental towards the end of the film because the war with the Atreides goes into full sway. But all these sensible space politicians - the Padishaw Emperor, The Guild Navigator etc choosing this bloke to run the biggest business interest in the galaxy? Would be like putting Frank Spencer in charge of Apple.

Lynch's Dune is frustrating - visually it's just about perfect, but it loses the central core of the book and Paul's inner conflict.

I've not read the book, but Kyle Maclachlan comes off very much the same as he does in Blue Velvet/Twin Peaks, just a really wet teenage boy, the Leslie Crusher of the Lynch universe. I don't know if his turn around is meant to be a sort of Messianic story where he goes from a wet-nurse to a fierce warrior, but even by the end when he's fighting Sting you can't really buy it "I will bend like a reed in the wind..", yeah alright you limp get.

[Blumf]

It would work a bit better I think if he was just teetering on the brink of madness because of all the decadence and power, a sort of Caligula influenced character who then goes full on mental towards the end of the film because the war with the Atreides goes into full sway. But all these sensible space politicians - the Padishaw Emperor, The Guild Navigator etc choosing this bloke to run the biggest business interest in the galaxy? Would be like putting Frank Spencer in charge of Apple.

Worth noting the the Baron isn't mad, he's a very wily operator who knows exactly what he's doing, kinda Machiavelli turned up to 11. The grossness is part decadence but also part of his brutally cynical method of rule, basically forcing only the strongest and most determined to the top (whilst he keeps one step ahead of any potential usurpers)

The rest of the Landsraad know this, and that's why they'd be fine with him holding the Arrakis mining rights.

I've not read the book

Get the first three down ya, skip the rest.

[Steven]

There is an extended edit that Lynch had his name taken off and there's zero chance it would ever happen, but I'd really like to see a proper director's cut of the film.

I did watch an extended cut last, I don't know if it was studio produced, might have been a fan-made edit?

Worth noting the the Baron isn't mad, he's a very wily operator who knows exactly what he's doing, kinda Machiavelli turned up to 11. The grossness is part decadence but also part of his brutally cynical method of rule, basically forcing only the strongest and most determined to the top (whilst he keeps one step ahead of any potential usurpers)

Will have to watch it again with this in mind, he's so gross that's all you can really focus on as he's bouncing around like a corpulent pinball rather than observing any cunning politicking. I think some the dark Giger imagery incorporated into the Harkonnen empire would have made him look less of a pantomime villain and a bit more foreboding.

Get the first three down ya, skip the rest.

The problem is I don't tend to like reading fiction, but as a rabid reader of conspiracy theories you have to tempt fate.