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Desolation part II

Started by the midnight watch baboon, November 07, 2015, 11:55:06 PM

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the midnight watch baboon

OI OI, ENGLISH CHANNEL NUMBER TWO MORE LIKE types a Beckham tattoo-copycat in a chat forum in response to XJemmwahX's post detailing her online discount perfume preferences. He draws in a dozen lols, several of which are mis-spelt.

A long running depressing thread is moved to a less frequented area of an obscure comedy forum.

newbridge

An internet comedy website forum moderator sends a link to his website to a potential OkCupid match, and in an attempt to appear more cheerful and desirable quietly moves a popular thread about desolation to an impossible-to-locate corner of the forum.

Dex Sawash

<Jump To> pull down navigation tool confounds unemployed bald men

madhair60

A man begins to type up the "Desolation" thread, only to lose interest and simply download the printable version.

Desolation 1, on a single page.

East of Eden

Why is this thread being killed? Move it back pigs!

dr_christian_troy

An internet comedy forum moderator removes the site entirely after a bunch of ungrateful cunts proceed to relentlessly complain after he's tidied up the site as he sees fit.[nb]I'm not saying people are complaining yet, incidentally[/nb]

Hangthebuggers

An old man struggles with his umbrella, eventually throwing it away in the street.

It's not even raining.

BlodwynPig

Things are getting far too upbeat around here for my liking.

Desolation:

A balding man in ill-fitting suit eating a dessert in a deserted, cheap diner. His eyes briefly meet mine and I understand.

Desolation:

A man just past his peak, wolfing down bad chips in a secluded alleyway before shoving them in a bin and strutting back out into the public in all his finery, but smelling of grease. I espied him down that alleway and understood.

Desolation:

A young father, already aged by 10 years trying to placate his bawling infant son on a crowded bus. His hackles rise and he nearly snaps. A younger guy steps into the breach, acting the fool, making the kid giggle and the passengers swoon. I see the sweat stains filter through the tatty t-shirt and understand.

I am happy to observe desolation. It gives me great joy and warmth.

Desolation.

MoonDust

"Timmy, what's that you've got in your hand? What are you mucking about with?"

"It's a dead pigeon, mummy."

"Well make sure the dog doesn't get it. And shift out me way!"

Cuntbeaks

In a break from filming,  Rick Stein snaps his banjo string in a Ladyboy's arsehole.

In the midst of a divorce based nervous breakdown,  Joe Pasquale orders a 'Burger and a Pint' in The Standing Order Wetherspoons in Derby.

After a successful 3 year placement in Liberia,  a World Health Organisation nurse is stabbed to death outside a kebab shop in Coventry.

Berthas Fat Leg

A fart goes wrong in a bastard's underpants.

madhair60

An asthmatic man desperately searches for his inhaler, only to find a prankster has filled it with a fart.

MoonDust

"Wait 'til my wife hear's about this!" he thinks, after being kicked out of a Bet Fred.

He forgets to mention it.

Berthas Fat Leg

Susan wants children. Paul wants to play violent video games.

Mijkediablo

An old man masturbates tearfully onto his wife's grave on the 20th anniversary of her death. He fails to ejaculate.

Vodka Margarine

Deep in the throes of a crack binge, Paul Ross sits on a defunct swing in a council playground. He lights a sparkler and bursts into tears.

MoonDust

A bar fly forgets about his daughter's birthday.

No one even bothers to remind him about it. Not this time.

Puce Moment

A neo-nazi laughs at a joke made by Lenny Henry on Comic Relief and then catches himself in the mirror, his smile dropping slowly.

Mijkediablo

A clown stands sobbing in the snow, looking wistfully through the window of a house. Inside, a family are sitting down to their Christmas dinner. The lights flicker joyfully on the tree, the floor is a foot deep in spend wrapping paper, and they are all laughing. The mum pauses and thinks about her son Mr Jelly, wishing he could be there. But Mr Jelly is dead. Turning, she thinks she sees his face in the window. She dismisses the illusion, slaps on a smile, and focuses her efforts on her grandchildren.


A 58 year old accounts manager at a major London insurance firm squeezes a tube of toothpaste up his arse in a futile attempt to feel a sexual thrill.





DangledTeeth

A man appears on Jeremy Kyle for kicking his pregnant girlfriend up the stairs, and he blasts Jeremy Kyle ''BUT I BOUGHT THOSE LOTTERY SCRATCHCARDS AND SHE SPENT THE WINNINGS ON TANGY TOMS, YEAH, YOU WANT FUCK START SOMETHING AND IRREVOCABLY, YEAH?

His mum is Jeremy Kyle.

A man presses buttons on a control pad in order to activate a nude cheat for Tomb Raider, which was printed in a PlayStation magazine on 1st April 1997.

It is 2015 and he is Banksy.

(I haven't quite got to grips with this thread. I'll compensate for my careless approach by making everyone a cup of tea, while I look forlornly at the kettle as it boils mockingly at my existence... the kettle has no water)





madhair60

A man changes his name by deed poll to "Hashtag".

Berthas Fat Leg

A factory worker looks for the meaning of life in a blocked urinal.

Finds it.

BlodwynPig

Maddie's mummified corpse is found under the bed she was last seen sleeping in. No-one had bothered to check.

madhair60

A man finds Maddie, but declines to mention it to anyone.

Cuntbeaks

Quote from: Puce Moment on November 10, 2015, 04:26:53 PM
A neo-nazi laughs at a joke made by Lenny Henry on Comic Relief and then catches himself in the mirror, his smile dropping slowly.
Lenny Henry falls victim to a sustained and racially motivated assault.  The news reader explains that his giblets are scrambled and he will never work again. Laughing,  a neo-nazi makes a point of catching himself in the mirror.

On a cold February day, a pigeon breaks its beak as it pecks at the frozen-solid corpse of a cat in the grounds of a mothballed dildo factory.

Sam