Desolation part II

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

A trainspotter comes home to find that his dog has pissed into his box of 20 years of accumulated train number notebooks.

[Berthas Fat Leg]

A member of Britain First pays a tramp to stick pins in his sort-of erect member.

[MoonDust]

A steam train enthusiast rants to his wife about the superiority of steam trains on the 11:28 Virgin Trains service from Wigan to London Euston.

All the way.

Three hours, it takes.

[Berthas Fat Leg]

A sweating behemoth sees in 2016 with a can of special brew, a wet ash tray, and a Steven Seagal film.

A bunch of gym-mums spout their worthless, ill-informed opinions about how to combat terrorism.

[Charles Babbage]

A Scottish man staying in Paris is faced with the reality that the only reason he barely passed his advanced sommelier course is due to terrorist attacks causing his final exam to be delayed for a few days, giving him extra time to prepare.

He privately toasts ISIS, then bursts into tears.

[Hangthebuggers]

Egyptologist beaten to death for mentioning his favourite God.

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

A technophobic 18 year old's bag bursts open to reveal the contents of his latest shopping trip to the local 6th form girls. They laugh as he desperately tries to hide the Fleshlight and copy of "Lactating Pregnant Milkmaids" purchased at a seedy Private Shop from them.

[BlodwynPig]

A technophobic 18 year old's bag bursts open to reveal the contents of his latest shopping trip to the local 6th form girls. They laugh as he desperately tries to hide the Fleshlight and copy of "Lactating Pregnant Milkmaids" purchased at a seedy Private Shop from them.

kids today, eh?

[batwings]

An empty-headed pipe fitter drowns in Grange Over Sands estuary while looking for his lost SAS Survival Guide.

[weekender]

A thread called 'Desolation part II' continues to thrive, despite being moved to a less popular area of a forum.

[Vodka Margarine]

http://m.lincolnshireecho.co.uk/Gary-Barlow-cancels-Lincoln-light-switch-gig-poor/story-28205587-detail/story.html

[MoonDust]

Barry the Bin Bag.

He eats mustard straight from the jar.

[Berthas Fat Leg]

A harrowing local radio news story about a Romanian family dying in a house fire is swiftly followed by a funky disco medley.

[BlodwynPig]

http://m.lincolnshireecho.co.uk/Gary-Barlow-cancels-Lincoln-light-switch-gig-poor/story-28205587-detail/story.html

Another Gary Barlow tribute act, Pure Barlow, will take Dan's place.

The rest of the planned festivities, including the switching on of the rest of the city's lights, are still set to take place from 5.30pm in Lincoln.

Vicki Michelle, who starred in 'Allo 'Allo and last year's 'I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here' will carry out the honour during the switch-on in Lincoln's High Street. Joining her will be magician Martin Daniels.

The winner of the Mayor of Lincoln's Christmas card competition will also appear onstage at the War Memorial in High Street.

[Foggy Buntwhistle]

A cloudless windy night on a barren patch of Moor deep in the Devon countryside. A man crawls hands and knees along the sparse terrain wearing nothing but a blindfold and odd socks, sniffing. He's searching. When he finds the clumps of sheep droppings he sucks up the individual globules one by one. Rolls them around his mouth, savours the taste.

The entire corvid population of Great Britain decide to fuck off.

The gestalt meta-consciousness of the human race sits down and has a good old cry, huge waves of unrestrained sobbing and moaning, it never stops.

Barry throws half a brick at a swan for a laugh.

[Foggy Buntwhistle]

Another Gary Barlow tribute act, Pure Barlow, will take Dan's place.

Fuck me. Too much mate.

[batwings]

Imagine being the backup Gary Barlow impersonator.

[KennyMonster]

A man in Rhy

Feels a small thrill

So home he goes in order to spill

To do it these days he needs the help of a pill.

[Vodka Margarine]

This is just spectacular.

[Cuntbeaks]

A political prisoner has his fingers cut off, one at a time, while a dead eyed woman makes chapatis in the corner.

A sex slave is kept alive on a diet of Greggs sausage rolls and custard creams.

A shadow of a man throws a half eaten Pot Noodle at his wall when the red team win on Bargain Hunt.  The psuedo noodles still adorn the wall when he is sectioned a few months later.

[BlodwynPig]

A man searches the internet for Gary Barlow tribute acts

Gary Gervais


Gary Corden


Gary Dapper Laughs


Gary Limmy


Gary 'enders


Gary Ruddock


Gary Gone

[Cuntbeaks]

A man searches the internet for Gary Barlow tribute acts

And wanks over what he finds.

[BlodwynPig]

OK not to retreat over hallowed ground. But

I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here's Ant McPartlin


Also featuring no less than 7 Harper Beckham lookalikes

http://www.lookalikes.info/our-lookalikes/new-lookalikes/harper-beckham-(-morgan-g)

[BlodwynPig]

Cliff "Jim Dale" Richard

[BlodwynPig]

Stephen "Bernard Bresslaw" Fry

[Berthas Fat Leg]

Worth a separate thread ^
------------------------------

An eccentric old transvestite is beaten to death for a steak bake near Falkirk.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A haulier fails in his attempt to remove a Drifter from a vending machine by force.

He traipses away.

[BlodwynPig]

A man with learning difficulties is found after three days, dehydrated and starving with his arm trapped in a vending machine in a rarely used corridor of an ageing and decrepit cinema.

A single Drifter bar lies just outside his grasp.

[BlodwynPig]

A zebra lies mangled and dead on a porch in Lytham St. Annes.

[MoonDust]

A man with learning difficulties is found after three days, dehydrated and starving with his arm trapped in a vending machine in a rarely used corridor of an ageing and decrepit cinema.

A single Drifter bar lies just outside his grasp.